Ever want to try prison food?

Roadfood.com is officially on my do-not-read list.

Following its glowing recommendations of the thoroughly mediocre Mrs. Rowes, I thought that it was just a fluke. Surely, a website dedicated to America’s best hidden culinary gems could be allowed to screw up once.

So when they said Jim Neeley of Interstate BBQ in Memphis is a master of the pit, I believed them. Now I want my money back and the chance to eat a good meal in Memphis again.

Have you ever eaten paper? I’m not talking about sitting down to a meal of newsprint and college ruled, but surely we’ve all popped a post-it into our mouths to destroy a secret code or to prevent a teacher from seeing a note passed to us. Do you know how it gets all mushy and chewy? That’s how I’d describe the pulled pork. The sauce is indistinguishable from Heinz ketchup with liquid smoke.

One of the dishes that supposedly makes Interstate special (as in unique, not retarded, surprisingly) is the barbecued spaghetti. One would think that if you’re going to have the audacity to drown mushy pasta in your crummy tomato dregs, it should be surprisingly good. Yes, I should have known by the description that it would be awful, but sometimes something that sounds nasty turns out to be a surprise hit, like poutine or celery tonic. Not this. It’s just as bad as it sounds.

The one passable part of the meal was the baked beans. They taste like they came from the can. Luckily, I happen to enjoy baked beans from a can.

All told, interstate’s food has a bulk foodservice vibe and is slightly below school cafeteria-level quality. Did you know that Sodexho Marriot provides foodservice to both schools and prisons? Walking out of Interstate, I think I found out where they got their barbecue sauce recipe.