Anti-kosher chicken cordon bleu

There are so many ways to piss off your traditional grandparents: Wear blue jeans to dinner. Curse in front of their card-playing buddies. Date a significant other who comes from a different ethnicity…or hometown than them.

With such a plethora of choices it seams positively boring to try to piss them off by eating non-kosher foods, and even more so if they do not, in fact, keep kosher. But rest assured that the following recipe for totally non-kosher chicken cordon bleu will be sure to piss off someone’s grandparents, somewhere.

1. Pound six totally not-kosher chicken breasts relatively flat. Place a slice of swiss cheese and a slice of ham on each, fold up and secure with (totally unkosher) toothpicks.

2. Mix half a cup of flower and a tablespoon of paprika in a bowl and coat all the chicken ball things. They should now not look anything like a menorah, shofar, or other jewish religious object.

3. Brown chicken in butter, then cover halfway with a mix of half white wine and half (also nonkosher) chicken bullion. Simmer for 30 mins

4. Remove toothpicks, chicken. Add a tablespoon of cornstarch to a cup of whipping cream, and then whisk slowly into the sauce left in the pan. Pour over the chicken.

If you feel you haven’t made your point, you can eat this with shrimp or clams strips on the side while watching The Nutcracker on TV.