Maranoia

Maranoia – the fear that people will be out to get you if you soak pieces of meat in strongly spiced liquids. Of course, you're only maranoid if it's not true- I myself need a restraining order to keep me away from a good steak properly marinated, as many terrified chefs cowering under tables across the world are aware.

Things to marinate: Flank or strip steak. Cucumbers. Chicken. Pork. Shrimp. Oranges.
Things not to marinate: Light, flaky fish. Your left hand. Potatoes. Fillet mignon. Your friend's left hand.

Here's a recipe for Teriyaki Steak sure to cause extreme maranoia in all participants.

• Trim and lightly score a large flank steak across the grain

• Mix two cups teriyaki sauce, black pepper, two minced garlic cloves, two teaspoons of ginger, two chopped chives, and a dash of cinnamon in a bowl or ziplock bag. Toss in the steak, seal airtight, and let it sit for 24 hours.

• Broil for 5-10 minutes on each side until brown and yummy looking. Lightly coat with sesame oil. Carve at an angle perpendicular to the grain and top with crumbled blue cheese. That's right, blue cheese.