Refrigerator Pancakes

Authentic refrigerator odor is the key to this ill-conceived variation* on the classic breakfast staple.

1. Combine 2 Tbsp sugar, 2 tsp baking powder, and 1/2 tsp salt with 1 1/2 c unbleached all-purpose flour from the sack that was stored in your freezer and then forgotten for over a year. You don't want to waste all that flour, do you?

2. In a blender, combine 1/4 c water, 1 1/4 c milk or soymilk or whatever, 1 tsp vanilla extract, and 2 Tbsp flaxseeds. Blend until smooth.

3. Notice the powerful fridge smell wafting from the dried ingredients in a bowl several feet away. Convince yourself that the fridge odor will "cook off" once the pancakes are fried and then doused in honey and maple syrup.

4. Combine wet mixture with dry ingredients. Fry pancakes in a skillet, then serve hot with your favorite toppings. With every bite, try to ignore the fridge odor, now manifested as overwhelming fridge flavor and assaulting every tastebud in a palatable finger-wagging over your poorly-organized freezer and irregular baking habits.

5. Admit defeat, discard the remaining old flour. Go to the store and buy a fresh supply.

* Alternative version: Use fresh flour. Your pancakes probably will taste good.