The chicken responsibility

There are three skills that every human should be able to do well. One is to sew on a button, since life contains many situations where a button may pop off. The second is to be reasonably skilled in some of the more interesting examples of those situations which might cause a button to pop off. And third, you should know how to roast a chicken.

Well, the first your mom should teach you, the second you can only learn from practice. But today, gratis, I will tell you how to roast a chicken right.

• Compound butter is the key to this recipe. Have some ready made and softened to near-room temperature, along with a lemon, an onion, and a decent sized chicken, washed and dried with the insides taken out.

• Towards the back cavity, carefully lift up the skin and, with a 'hooking motion' with your finger, separate the membrane from the meat. There will be a tougher membrane down the center you will have to break, and another one separating the area between the leg and the main breast area. Loosen the skin all the way over the top, leaving It attached near the neck.

• Now, take your compound butter and stuff it all the way under the skin until you have a layer ¼ of an inch thick under the entire top surface. Make sure to get some under the skin on the legs.

• Rub the inside of the cavity with Vegeta (garlic powder if you don’t have it) salt, and pepper. Quarter the lemon and chunk the onion, and stuff them both into the cavity along with more butter and some rosemary or garlic cloves.

• Now it's time to truss this lovely thing, use twine to cross the legs and tie them securely. Make another pass around the top of the chicken, binding the wings to the body.

• Rub the chicken all over with olive oil, and then rub with Vegeta and salt. Place it in a roasting pan and fill the bottom with a half inch of chicken broth.

• Preheat the oven to 475 and put the chicken in for 15 minutes. Then turn the heat down to 425. I start checking the temperature with a meat thermometer after about 45 minutes - check it in the breast area without breaking the skin (which is holding all that butter in) or touching a bone (which could throw the reading off). I try to shoot for 177-180 degrees. Add more chicken broth if at any time the bottom looks in danger of drying out- you shouldn’t need to baste this bird but you can if you want.

• Take the chicken out of the oven and let it sit on a platter for a few minutes. Don’t cover with tin foil; just let everything solidify a bit.

• Using a large, non-serrated knife, cut the thighs and wings from the body. Search around with the tip until you find the joint and apply pressure there, they should just slide off. Dark meat gets done at a different temperature than light meat- if you have to put the thighs back in the oven for a few minutes don’t be embarrassed to do so. Starting at the top of the chicken, slide the knife down as close to the ribcage as possible. The breast should come off in one big chunk- chicken does not get sliced like a turkey.

So that's it, all you need to know to complete the third of your three responsibilities as a human. I can't help you with the other two tho, I can't sew worth a damn.