Get rid of the evidence curry

It's 1936 outside of the Skeesie National Bank. You're honking on the horn of your Studebaker yelling, 'You dumb mugs, grab the dough!' A tall thin man and a short fat man wearing tiny masks bounce down the steps and into the car. As you swerve from side to side down Main Street, Freddy the Finger opens a burlap sack with a "$" printed on it, displaying piles of crisp green centuries.

'Wooo-ee, It's the corn for us tonight' whoops Joe the Other Finger. But you know better- if you don’t make that scratch disappear fast all three of you will end up in Chicago Overcoats by morning. Luckily, you have our recipe for "Get Rid of the Evidence Curry"

A distant cousin of Procedural Stew, the point of Get Rid of the Evidence Curry is to start with a curry base and then add in whatever you happen to have lying around until it tastes decent. Many strange things can disappear into that pot including any three-week leftovers, gourmet ingredients, and illegal contraband you have without leaving a trace.

• Dice a white onion and at least three garlic cloves. Saute in butter or a very small amount of oil until squishy- add some chili powder or other base-taste of choice (cumin's a good one, so is pepper).

• Toss in whatever kind of meat you have around: Chicken, pork, ground beef, steak chunks, leftover turkey, spam. Brown.

• When everything's looking nice and reasonable, add a curry base. Tika masala, korma, vindaloo, they're sold in glass containers in your international isle everywhere. Trying to rough it? Use cubes of Chinese curry bullion or powdered mixes and chicken broth instead. Don’t use curry powder at this point- your result will end up grainy.

• Alright, this is where you clean out the fridge. If you have it, toss it in. Some of my favorites: Mushrooms, tomatoes (crushed), leftover coconut millk, green peppers, potato salad (really!), scallions, chilis, spinach, frozen peas, sour cream, plain yoghurt, beans (not baked), cinnamon, and chickpeas.

• Add some chopped cilantro, lots of it, some curry and chili powder, and serve on rice.

At the very least, this stuff can probably hide any rhino, mazuma, lettuce, sugar, spinach, kale, jack, geetus, cush, or cabbage, all of which my gangster dictionary tells me are 1930's slang for 'money'.