Staying up without an excuse

'The Happy Hooker' boasted that she could live on five hours of sleep a night. Perhaps I just don’t have what it takes- after a few weeks where five hours has been the maximum I'm drooping like her client's anatomy at the end of a long night. Everyone knows that L-tryptophan in poultry can have a sleep-causing affect, but what about to stay awake?

• Eat stuff. - Yes, apparently the very act of eating, moving your hands to your mouth, can be enough to keep you awake

• Drinking a lot and not going to the bathroom - This is actually suggested for people on long car trips- the discomfort will keep you awake. Great.

• Stay away form fruit and milk - they'll pump up the endorphins to your brain and then drop you just when you're getting all excited

• Caffeine of course - One drink should be effective for about 7 hours.

• Eat a steak. - Even small amounts of protein help dopamine production in your brain

• Eat a sandwich - More is less. If you’re going to eat bread, eat some protein with it. This will block the carbs from singing you lullabies.

Bloody hell am I tired. No wild orgies for me tonight.