Aloe vera: For external use only, maybe

I always feel like I should earn a badge for trying things I had previously believed to be unfit for human consumption. The Suriname cherries growing across the street from my apartment, alligator, salmon skin -- they all make me feel a little bit braver for having held my nose and swallowed. And so I feel that R.J. and I deserve awards for our foray into the world of health and beauty product consumption. To wit: the “Aloe Vera Dessert” we picked up at Rockville’s Oriental Market a few Sundays ago. Its snazzy packaging caught my eye with its shameless touting of various health benefits, and its squishy texture sealed the deal.

Later that night I broke out the bag, and, ignoring R.J.’s pleas not to be forced to eat it ('Would you make me eat Noxzema?' he pleaded), I divided the stuff into two bowls. I was expecting a jelly-like substance with the slices of aloe suspended wherein, so I was rather surprised when it turned out to be slices of aloe vera soaked in a liquid consisting mainly of water, sugar and Muscat flavoring. Upon trying it, we discovered that it really wasn’t that bad. The aloe itself was basically flavorless, but with a fibrous texture similar to that of bamboo shoots or yucca, only slimier. The Muscat flavoring was pleasant and not too sweet.

We breathed a sigh of relief, finished eating, and started to clean up, which is when the real fun began. R.J. asked me if my stomach felt ok, to which I responded that it felt fine, then looked over and noticed a very uncomfortable look on his face. I felt fine, but I think he would have been better off eating the Noxzema.

We spent some time disputing whether his cramps were a result of eating aloe but concluded nothing. Subsequent internet research confirmed that the aloe was the culprit -- apparently, though many claim that aloe vera consumption has myriad health benefits such as internal healing, suppressing asthma attacks, easing arthritis pain and inflammation, etc., its only clinically proven indication is as a laxative.

R.J. and I learned one important lesson that night: it is a good idea to do your research when about to eat something normally reserved for putting on burns and in hand lotion. That said, we also discovered that if one should need a little, erm, digestive assistance, aloe vera soaked in Muscat juice is quite a tasty alternative to Phillips (even the Chocolate Crème Soft Chews).

-- by E.B.D., guest blogger