Caution: Asian burger present

You might think that describing the concept of ‘website accessibility’ to a foreigner who doesn’t speak your language and believes that folks with disabilities are being punished for sins in a previous life is tough, but baby, you don’t know tough till you’ve tried to track down a half-decent burger in Asia.

It was our second day experiencing the phenomenon of an under-funded third world government: An IT department with no computers, giggling 12 year old secretaries in school uniforms, more noodles and cabbage, and the clumsy universal sign language of the misunderstood: 'Person see? (points to eye) Noooo (vigorously shakes head) tsunami database (points to previously written note) good (silly thumbs up sign)'. After 8 hours of this even the most hardcore of hippie-Jews desires a bacon cheeseburger.

On rumors of a Fridays somewhere in the East of the city zaf and amg flagged down a cab and started salivating. We inched in rush hour traffic through the district of corrugated iron lean-tos, naked babies, and abandoned railroad tracks that act as the welcome for the upscale tourist district…only to find that the Firdays was missing.

Oh sweet, sweet chicken wings, where had you gone? A concierge at the freakishly luxurius Marriott (their restaurant is called Tsunami, with a tastefully ‘curved’ logo) confirmed our fears- the Friday had gone out of business years ago. As we contemplated yet another noodle, cabbage, and bottled water dinner, a busboy took pity on us and pointed out a second-rate ribs chain across the street.

It was a Tony Roma’s- I’ve never been in one, but at that moment it looked like heaven. We sat down with a menu and ordered most of it. Two beers and a set of faux chicken wings later we were ready for the real deal. The burgers arrived. They looked correct- the right proportions, awesome fake yellow cheese, mock grill marks, salad carefully removed on in case of parasites (you’d be paranoid too). We took a bite.

Peanut butter is mostly unknown over here, although peanuts are used in pretty much everything, including shampoo. So as a metaphor I can only say that, while tasting lovely lovely lovely, the meat had a consistency of ‘something really squishy’. Sort of like a pad of meat butter spread thick on the sesame bun. I didn’t care. I ate the whole thing, used extra ketsup, licked my fork (real forks!), and asked for a desert menu.