Nice muffins

This guest blog is by Erin over at at The Kitchenette

Yesterday’s New York Times food cover revealed that the Food Network hired Rachel Ray because “she’s sexy but not threatening.”

Well, well, well… seems the Network knows a potential FHM pinup girl when they see one. Playfully licking chocolate off a wooden spoon? Sucking on a strawberry? Quick, easy…meals.

Rachel posed for the men’s magazine two years ago and definitely lived up to the network’s expectations. She’s sexy (clearly) but way too red-checkered, banjo-playing country girl to be anything near threatening. She doesn’t come close to the dark, mystical powers of say, Nigella Lawson, but that isn’t her style. Tyra or Carmen may seem out of our league (because they are) but Rachel has got that spunk that screams homegrown girl-next-door, just the way we like it. In the kitchen, her 40-dollar, 30-minute recipes (though they often run long) are catered to the hyper-stressed working mother or frugal family.

I like the bent-over, let’s get this turkey in the oven shot. She’s not hiding the fact that she likes a good piece of bird, even if it is a bit greasy or gets stuck in her teeth. And hey, the heat from the oven is a little much, so how about we forget the festive sweaters and strip down to the bare essentials—black bra and lace-lined checkered skirt. None of this Martha Stewart turtleneck business.

The chocolate sauce shot is the most erotic, hands down. The happy-go lucky Rachel has stopped giggling for a second. A bit subdued. A bit enigmatic. It’s as if she’s hiding something. She has let chocolate’s aphrodisiac powers get the best of her. Who could say no to a lil’ chocolate? Warm and smooth, something’s definitely about to go down easy.

Simply put, strawberries are sweet, just like Rachel. But the berry has an undeniably seductive appeal. Strawberries are not crunched or chomped like pears or apples. They are licked and sucked, gently nibbled. People use strawberry-scented lotions and oils to feel sexy-- Bath and Body works has made a business out of it. Rachel’s signature Cheeseburger Salads and Super Sloppy Joes may seem unsexy, but she sure makes a strawberry look appetizing.

Last but not least, the colander shot. Rachel makes you want to jump into the soap bubble bath with her. Clean as she may be, the suds smothered all over her legs seem a bit dirty.

Just for the record, Food Network encouraged Rachel to pose for FHM and contrary to assumptions, Rachel didn't get a penny for it. She did get plenty of drooling fans ready to take a bite out of her fresh-baked pies and turkey. Break me off a piece of that… Cracked Corn and Cheese Square.