Hostel Cookery

The theft of food has a long and glorious history: Jean ValJean did it. Huckleberry Finn did it. And who could forget the classic knee-slapper, ”What are the first three words in a Hungarian cookbook? ‘Steal a chicken’”.

So it is unsurprising to that those of us who have spent the last two years sleeping at camp sites, hostel dorm rooms, and on one occasion, a beach, a very specialized form of cooking has evolved. This is hostel cooking, and it’s the most regional form of cuisine because each region has different foods to steal. And by steal, I mean ‘take without paying for’.

Let’s be fair. Lots of countries won’t allow fruits and vegetables over the state borders, and it can be better to carry only light, non-perishables like powdered soup and rice anyway. Hostel cooking is a cuisine that relies on having spent your last dollar on weird foreign beer the night before.

Basically, every hostel worth its pool table has a ‘Free Food shelf’. Some hostel stoves are coin-fed, and many places make you rent the cutlery. At some you even have to battle a giant German rugby player to be allowed at the sink. It’s in this classic tradition that we proudly give you the following recipes. They take 7 minutes, can be eaten out of the pot they were cooked in, and, most importantly, cost less than 2$ if you do it right. You’re on your own for the Rugby player tho.

Buy: 1 small white onion, and one 6-pack of eggs

Stolen spaghetti stew
This is the most basic of hostel dishes and it relies on one thing: carrying a large supply of powdered Chinese egg soup with you at all times. You can get the stuff for 50 cents at any Asian grocery store (I prefer the one in Rockville, but there’s one in Chinatown, and plenty of others all over the place). It’s really just beef or chicken bullion thickened with a little corn starch.

Start with whatever the required amount of water, cold in a pot. Add in the powder, and place it on low heat. Dice up the onion and toss it in. Add some of the ubiquitous spaghetti found on every free food shelf. If there isn’t any for free, find someone else’s groceries and either 1) steal a couple of strands, or if you think that will be too obvious 2) carefully break all the ends off of the entire pack, about half an inch down. That way, they all end up the same length, albeit shorter. Bring to a boil. Crack an egg into a rented cup and beat it a bit, then whisk it into the stew with a fork. Instant paradise in a bowl.

Really Deviled eggs
Take the eggs and hard-boil them. When you’re sure they’re ready, boil them for another few minutes, and then plunge them into cold water for a bit. Peel and slice each egg carefully in half and remove the yolks with a spoon. Locate some mayonnaise and some mustard. Grey Pupon is the best, but really anything on the free shelf will do.

Now just start adding whatever you can find to the yolks: a scoop of mayo, a scoop of mustard, whatever salt and pepper’s around, hot sauce, chili’s if it’s an Asian country, curry if it’s India (or England). Squish it all together with a fork to make a smooth yellow paste, and then scoop it back into the egg white cups using a spoon. Eat until you feel sick. Trade the onion to the Rugby player for a beer.