Wines of the Barossa

It’s a tough life for a Groovy Grape tour leader. Every day he gets tourists really really drunk on Barossa wines, eats some Kangaroo, and then drives everyone home snoring in a big white van.

Actually, no joke- it probably is tough. A recent study showed that 50 % of Australians consider drinking till they pass out to be an indelible part of their national character, right up there with playing footy and beating up minorities. And the Barossa valley police, operating as they do in Australia’s most prolific wine growing region, rake in a steady stream of moolah from day-trippin’ drivers who’ve indulged in their patriotism.

This can’t be easy for a van-driving winery tour guide, but it’s great for us. A sizable chunk of the Australian wines that end up in the US start in this hilly area just outside of Adelaide on the Southern coast. Except for the wallaby roadkill it looks a lot like Provence: tiny stone villages, blue mountains in the distance, and carefully manicured vineyards. Quite a few of them are pruned by under-the-table backpacker labor, paid minimum wage and all the grapes they can steal.

On this particular day our long-suffering guide drove us from cellar door to cellar door until we loved everyone in the world. You’ll be surprised how many of these wines end up in Calvert-Woodley Liquors (and everywhere else too).

Richmond Grove actually owns vineyards in other Australia regions too, but its Barossa Shiraz is some tasty tasty stuff. The stone chateau would look great if everything else in the valley wasn’t made out of corrugated tin.

Jacobs Creek is Australia’s largest wine brand- if you’ve drunk a shiraz, you’ve probably drunk Jacobs creek. And hated it. Their touristy celler door is really a high tech “visitors center” reminiscent of that humorous scene in Sideways. Their wines are uniformly bitter and watery.

Vinecrest is famous for Its huge black dog that lazes around in front. The Semillons are sweet and fruity, the Shirazes are nifty (that’s a technical term).

Bethany wins for the prettiest view, and has really really tasty everything: Great fortified that don’t kick your rear with sugar,and big spicy shirazes and shiraz mixes. I think there was a good Semillon here too, but I was way to gone to tell exactly.