Earthy cooking

It’s a sobering moment when you realize that no matter how extreme your sauté, how crazy your roasting, and how freaky your flambé, you will never be as hardcore as PEOPLE WHO COOK WITH AN ACTIVE VOLCANO.

As the undisputed bungi jump, sky dive, and parasail of all cooking methods, it’s probably understandable that Volcano Cookery has not yet made it to DC. First off, it helps to be Maori, on New Zealand’s North Island. The thermal activity comes off the Pacific Plate (the same plate we’re hoping claims California before ‘fusion sushi’ invades the rest of the country). This leaves us with some really steamy ground.

Method 1: A flaming pit. Dig a pit. For us wusses without hot dirt, filling it with hot volcanic stones will do. Then line it with cabbage or watercress, put your sweet potatoes in, cover it with mutton cloth (?) and flax (??) and shovel the dirt back over. In three hours you’ll have yourself some earthy barbeque.

Method 2: Boiling mud. No really. All this volcanic activity should have left pools of it, along with geysers, bubbling mineral water, and all kinds of other hot wet stuff. Find a closely woven basket for your sweet potatoes, tie a string to it, and throw the whole thing into the crater for ‘the time it takes to sing three songs’.

Method 3: A stove. Peel and grate three large sweet potatoes. Mix with 1 cup of sugar and lightly press it into a shallow, greased baking dish. Bake the whole thing for 1 hour at 350 degrees, let it cool, slice, and serve with cream.

Your choice.