Broadway Diner: There's no place like home

In a city of transplants where 3-4 years is the average staying-period, even the most dedicated Hill Staffer hesitates to say “Washington DC” when asked where they’re from. As far as I'm aware, there is no true DC regional food. Instead, Californians go to Chipotle, Texans go to Old Glory, and People from New Jersey go to the Broadway Diner.

The metro ride and subsequent walk are well worth it- a step inside the Broadway Diner transports you to the innumerable neon-lit rest stops along the Palisades Parkway run by tired men of unknown ethnicity in white shirts.

Ways to tell that this is a true Jersey Diner:

• The menu is too heavy to lift. It contains the obligatory club sandwiches and minestrone soup, the super expensive steaks that someone, somewhere must order, and random Greek food. It contains the dubius lowfat selections and the huge burgers to balance them out.

• There is breakfast. There is always breakfast. At three in the morning if you want that pecan belgan waffle with bacon, hash browns and fruit cup with two poached eggs and a peeled carrot, it’s yours.

• There is a sketchy desert case, required by Jersey Diner law, sitting next to the cash register. Its purpose is to prompt speculations about whether it still contains the same coolwhip-sculpted chocolate mice as last time. You never eat anything from there; it tastes better as a conversation piece.

The food is hot, fast, and tastes like home. If you’re from New Jersey.

Broadway Diner | 895 Rockville Pike

Whole Hog Goodness

Rarely do good things exist in strip malls, even in the south. Whole Hog Cafe & Catering Co. proves that there are exceptions to every rule.

Nestled in a strip mall in Little Rock, Arkansas, Whole Hog is the brainchild of three award-winning BBQ chefs. It's an old-school style BBQ restaurant, where hungry Arkansans (Arkansas-ites?) line up at a counter, place their order, and await their tray full of heavenly BBQ. The restaurant is apparently so popular that it now takes up three storefronts in the local mall. And they go through so much Iced Tea that there are two barrels of both sweet and unsweet sitting on the beverage counter at any given time.

RJ3 and I both went for the simple choice -- the Whole "Hawg" Platter, a plate with pulled pork, beef brisket, 3 baby back ribs, beans, potato salad, coleslaw, and a dinner roll. With that combination, we couldn't possibly go wrong. The pulled pork was, by far, the best I've ever tasted. The pork itself was extremely smooth, very flavorful (but not overpowering) and cooked so perfectly that it literally melted when it hit your mouth. The beef brisket, too, was exceptional - finely sliced and well spiced, it complemented the pork and went very well with the sweeter BBQ sauce. The ribs were good but not exceptional. In fact, rj3 and I decided that they didn't beat the ribs from Lefty's. Which just means that the perfect bbq meal found to date would be a combinaton of pulled pork from Whole Hog and a plate of ribs (and sides) from Lefty's. If only they were in the same geographic region...

Whole Hog offered six different barbecue sauces - several standard sauces, mustard-based sauce, and vinegar-based sauce. I've never been a fan of the mustard sauce, but the sweeter sauce and the vinegar-based sauce were both excellent. In fact, the only less-than-perfect part of the meal were the sides, which were, well, underpowering. But, with meat that good, who wants to waste precious calories eating potatoes or slaw, anyway?

Whole Hog Cafe | 2516 Cantrell Road | Little Rock, Arkansas | 72202 | 501-664-6596 | www.wholehogcafe.com

dcfud.com

For those of you who, like my mom, can't remember dcfud.smorgasblog.com or are too lazy to type the whole thing, you can now reach our food-crazy blogging home at www.dcfud.com.

Stop and feed the bloggers

Real hot chocolate is not a liquid.

Real hot chocolate isn’t made from water. Real hot chocolate doesn’t have wussy little freeze-dried marshmallows in it. Real hot chocolate is so thick you have to eat it with a spoon, or lacking that, a chisel. Real hot chocolate can be used to regrout the bathroom floor tile, or stop a small military coup. When you turn the cup upside down, real hot chocolate will take a few seconds before it oozes out. There is nothing powdered in real hot chocolate.

Real hot chocolate is made the following way:

• Heat three cups of 2% milk so that it’s hot but not boiling.

• Stir in one cup of semisweet dark chocolate chips (milk and milk chocolate are sworn enemies and will inflict their age-old vendetta upon the soul of your first born should you mix them. Or at least, it won’t taste so good)

• Add two teaspoons of vanilla, a tablespoon of cinnamon, two tablespoons of brown sugar, a fourth of a cup of cream, and a teaspoon of cardamom if you have it.

• Stir until everything is smooth and melted. Drink, or at least, dunk.

Save the sugar/creamer/artificial coco flavoring substitute for coffee- this is real hot chocolate.

the caipirinha dialogues

From a recent IM conversation. Pardon our spelling, we plead IM.

Blogger X: We were at the Big Hunt until about 11 and then the strongest of us who hadn't bailed yet went next door to Cafe Citron. Citron is crazy, man. but the music was nice

Blogger Y: you know, I fear I may never actually have been- now that is tragic. I must go forthwith

Blogger X: it's neat, i think they have good caipirinhas (sp?), although i had consumed six glasses of stout so i didn't try anything else after that

Blogger Y: i've never had one- what's in it?

Blogger X: um, i'll have to look it up to be sure... lime, very distinct lime taste, and, um... wow. i dunno. can check online. They're notorious for being more potent than you think they are. it's one of those "proceed with caution"drinks

Blogger Y: hehe, the kind i refuse to procede with caution with and pay for it 2 hours later

Blogger X: 2 tsp granulated Sugar, 1 Lime (8 Wedges), 2 1/2 oz Cachaca. i have no idea what cachaca is. but they're tasty. i dig recipes that i dont understand the ingredients.

Blogger X: here we go: Cachaça is a Brazilian liquor made from distilled sugar cane juice

Blogger Y: there's only one thing to do- write a paragraph about it for dcfud

Blogger X: sure. maybe we could make it all interactive and people will say where they have had good ones.

Blogger Y: write it baby, write it :)

Blogger X: i shall. i had a good one at the Grill from Ipanema.

Better butter

In Anthony Bourdain’s ‘Kitchen Confidential’, there’s a section titled something like“Why my food tastes better than yours.” If you’ve made it that far through the book you are, at this point, very used to this sexy egotist’s abuse. But just this once he can back up his claim: his food, he reveals, tastes better than yours because of compound butter.

Compound butter (Beurres Composés) is just an impressive name for the flavored butter that makes French food so damn tasty. Unfortunately for Anthony, this stuff is unbelievably easy to make. I foresee that it is just a matter of time before the masses rise up and become indoctrinated into its greasy secrets. Maybe they’ll also learn how to vote.

Here’s how to wipe the sneer off the faces of French food snobs everywhere. You can use pretty much any mix of ingredients for this, but I’m going for traditional:

• Soften three sticks of high quality unsalted (a must. no salt. dont even think about it) butter to room temperature

• Mash four cloves of garlic, a handful of finely chopped parsley, a quarter cup finely chopped chives, salt (kosher or sea salt), pepper black, and a squirt of lemon. If you can find it, add some rosemary (chopped) too. Do not use dried leaves for this. If you do, you’ll be sorry.

• Squish the whole thing together. Use your fingers; it’s what they’re there for.

• Roll into a log and wrap in wax paper- you can store it in the freezer for up to 6 months.

• Whenever you need a chunk just hack it off. Use it any time you’d use butter for a savory dish: when frying eggs, stir-frys, stuffed under the skin of roasting chickens, on potatoes, in soup, on your significant other.
  

Eat like a lobbyist, at least for a week

We would be remiss if we didn't mention that the winter lull Restaurant Week starts January 10. It's a great way for us tight-fisted folks to try some of D.C.'s more expensive eateries for a moderate set price (up a penny this time around to $20.05).

The last restaurant week took place over the summer, partially overlapping with the Democratic Convention. We went to Ortanique, the semi-tropical themed joint on 11th St., NW that looks like a skeezy theater from outside but turns out to be quite opulent in the main dining room. I remember the food as being very good, but the service was beyond awful, making lunch stretch out for two and a half excrutiating I-wonder-if-my-boss-will-notice hours.

Where do you want to go for restaurant week?

Where do you go to get chai?

It's Indian in origin, brewed from plain black tea with a little milk, spiced with cardamom, cloves, cinnamon, maybe some fennel seed, maybe some other things. As dcfud's token vegan, I have my chai with soymilk, which should not have a flavor so strong that it overpowers the others.

Does anyone have a favorite chai recipe? Over the holidays I plan to experiment with making my own and am seeking advice. I'll use loose black tea, of course*, but am not sure about spice blends.

Chai to consider (or avoid):

Mudd House (1724 M St): Good chai, rich and not too watery, make sure they don't use spoiled soymilk, which happened to me once.
Zebra Lounge (Wisconsin Ave and Macomb St): Terrible chai, thin, watery, no flavor. I bought a cup and didn't bother finishing half of it.
Left Bank Cafe (4731 Wisconsin Ave): Good chai, a little more spiced than most, which is refreshing. Nice atmosphere as long as people aren't conversing loudly--it's a small place. Last time I visited, they were playing the Beatles and the Grateful Dead. Say what you will, I consider this a plus rather than a minus.

*Whenever I use teabags instead of loose tea, I feel a little bit like a tool; this is not to say that I don't use teabags all the time, it just feels the same as eating sushi with a fork. What if someone sees me?

Splenda, continued

Tis the season of food shortages. First tomatoes and now, as previously reported on dcfud, Splenda. Despite lawsuits from NutraSweet, studies showing dubious health benefits, and the fact that, when you get down to it, it’s made from chlorine, The New York Times writes that the Splenda shortage has gotten to the point where Snapple is cutting production

And because Splenda (official mouth-watering name: sucralose) is under patent, no one else can touch the sickly sweet, slightly chemical tasting powder. There’s nothing for it but to switch to cheaper white powder substitutes. Like cocaine.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/22/business/22splenda.html?8hpib

Anti-kosher chicken cordon bleu

There are so many ways to piss off your traditional grandparents: Wear blue jeans to dinner. Curse in front of their card-playing buddies. Date a significant other who comes from a different ethnicity…or hometown than them.

With such a plethora of choices it seams positively boring to try to piss them off by eating non-kosher foods, and even more so if they do not, in fact, keep kosher. But rest assured that the following recipe for totally non-kosher chicken cordon bleu will be sure to piss off someone’s grandparents, somewhere.

1. Pound six totally not-kosher chicken breasts relatively flat. Place a slice of swiss cheese and a slice of ham on each, fold up and secure with (totally unkosher) toothpicks.

2. Mix half a cup of flower and a tablespoon of paprika in a bowl and coat all the chicken ball things. They should now not look anything like a menorah, shofar, or other jewish religious object.

3. Brown chicken in butter, then cover halfway with a mix of half white wine and half (also nonkosher) chicken bullion. Simmer for 30 mins

4. Remove toothpicks, chicken. Add a tablespoon of cornstarch to a cup of whipping cream, and then whisk slowly into the sauce left in the pan. Pour over the chicken.

If you feel you haven’t made your point, you can eat this with shrimp or clams strips on the side while watching The Nutcracker on TV.

Yuppability: XS

For many, Baltimore is the home of crabcakes, crime, STDs and kitsch. However, those who must live in it might, sometime during their tenure, desire yuppie food.

Most restaurants in B-moreare not yuppie. They are cheap, they are excellent, they are unpretentious. But not yuppie. However, recently the yuppie haven of Baltimore was discovered. 5 minutes from Penn Station (so you can go there without actually entering the city), spitting distance from the 13th Floor, the Ottobar, and Red Maple, and a five-minute taxi ride from Inner Harbor sits XS.

Done out in exposed brick, brushed steel tables and menus, and corrugated steel floors, XS is Asian fusion and yuppyness in one. The waitresses and waiters skip around in black looking impossibly cool, and about half of everyone you know will be there. It is truly the place to see and be seen, at least if you are a yuppie or affiliated with Hopkins in some way.

Having tried things on the menu to various degrees of satisfaction, I would suggest simply skipping everything else and heading directly toward the sushi which they make quickly, deliciously, and delicately. Specific favorites include spicy tuna, spicy salmon, and the dragon roll. Also, don't order mixed drinks, especially those involving chocolate; Simply order wine, even the cheapest of which is actualy pretty good.

As for desserts, absolutely everything is delicious but the banana tempura is of special interest. They deep-fry a banana, cut it up, and cover it with seasonal fruit, honey, and whipped cream. The carrot cake is also quite good, as is the chocolate lasagna which is simply layers of different types of chocolate.

XS is the kind of place you can lounge for a couple hours, trying to talk over the Persian trance music blaring in the background and leave feeling full, but not so much so that you cannot go out and boogie for another couple hours.

XS
1307 N Charles St, Baltimore, MD 21201
Phone: (410) 468-0002
open until 2 AM

Fusion Trinity...sounds like a computer game

The holy trinity of fusion restaurants in downtown DC that is Ceiba, DC Coast, and Ten Pehn got one thing right before they even touched a stove. They got a good PR person.

I picture virtuoso uberchef Christopher Clime of Ceiba sitting down with investors in a shady dark bar somewhere. He slowly shakes his head as designer after nervous designer unrolls fabulously graphics-rich website plans, delicate logo prints, exquisite bathroom sink catalogs, subtle business card designs, and their all important choices of individual hand-crafted bottled water cooler for each distinctive table.

All of these restaurants have the look down. You will furtively smuggle out the hand-painted napkins that your Ceviches arrive on in order to frame and put it on your wall. Guests arriving for a birthday can expect to find specially printed menus with their name on it to greet them. The desert creme brulee trio comes to your table in an elaborate candelabra.

With this kind of packaging, food wouldn’t need to be good. Fortunately, it’s damn tasty too. Appetizers here beat out main courses any day; the true Clime connoisseur orders two or three appetizers and wine (much to the chagrin of their well coiffed servers). Suggestions:

Ceiba

• Cerviches Sampler
• Sugar Cane Skewered Jumbo Shrimp
• Malpeque Oysters

Ten Pehn

• Red Thai Curry Shrimp
• Thai Style Coconut and Chicken Soup (served in a coconut)
• Malpeque Oysters

DC Coast

• Cast Iron Crock Steamed Prince Edward Island Mussels
• Thai Mushroom and Goat Cheese Anaheim Chile Relleno
• Malpeque Oysters

In case it’s not obvious from the above, eat the Malpeque Oysters. Standard preparation is soaked in some kind of alcohol, topped with ginger. Actually, just forget the rest of the food and get four servings of oysters.

Dry-Rubbed Ribs Meet Memphis Tourist Heaven

Straight from Graceland, where we watched our money disappear quicker than a peanut butter and banana sandwich in front of fat Elvis, we fought the Tennessee Interstate system and headed back into town for the sole purpose of experiencing good Memphis BBQ. Although after Interstate BBQ, even Capitol Q BBQ would probably be a step up.

Tucked off General Washburn’s Escape Alley, Charles Vergos’s Rendezvous Restaurant is touted as a Memphis institution. Highly recommended by both friends and websites alike, Rendevous is said to have the best ribs in town. Unfortunately, like everything else in Memphis, Rendezvous got the tourist bug and has exchanged its authenticity for a $17 plate of ribs and iced tea that is not fresh brewed but manufactured by Nestea and made of syrup. To make the tourists happy, they now serve wine. And to advertise the fact, each waiter is forced to wear a large red button which read simply “We have wine”. No self-respecting southerner drinks wine with ribs.

The rib plate is about 8 ribs, served with a small cup of slaw and a small cup of beans. The ribs are served without sauce but are slathered with a medium-spiced dry rub. The meat itself was good, although didn’t melt off the bone like good rib meat does, nor was there a lot of it. It was my first experience with dry rub-flavored ribs, and I’d make them as decent but not spectacular. The ribs at both Lefty’s and Whole Hog were better, although that may be as much a product of personal preference as quality. The highlight of the meal was the included starter – a bowl of red beans and rice, with sausage, served in a Rendezvous-branded Chinette-style bowl. They were well flavored and of an excellent consistency, not too soupy but not to dry. The total bill for two of us came to a resounding $44, tip included. At prices like that, Rendevous exists in the same space as the rest of Memphis, designed entirely to take tourists for all they're worth.

Charles Vergos’s Rendezvous Restaurant | 52 South Second | Memphis , TN 38103 | (901) 523-2746 | www.hogsfly.com

Ever want to try prison food?

Roadfood.com is officially on my do-not-read list.

Following its glowing recommendations of the thoroughly mediocre Mrs. Rowes, I thought that it was just a fluke. Surely, a website dedicated to America’s best hidden culinary gems could be allowed to screw up once.

So when they said Jim Neeley of Interstate BBQ in Memphis is a master of the pit, I believed them. Now I want my money back and the chance to eat a good meal in Memphis again.

Have you ever eaten paper? I’m not talking about sitting down to a meal of newsprint and college ruled, but surely we’ve all popped a post-it into our mouths to destroy a secret code or to prevent a teacher from seeing a note passed to us. Do you know how it gets all mushy and chewy? That’s how I’d describe the pulled pork. The sauce is indistinguishable from Heinz ketchup with liquid smoke.

One of the dishes that supposedly makes Interstate special (as in unique, not retarded, surprisingly) is the barbecued spaghetti. One would think that if you’re going to have the audacity to drown mushy pasta in your crummy tomato dregs, it should be surprisingly good. Yes, I should have known by the description that it would be awful, but sometimes something that sounds nasty turns out to be a surprise hit, like poutine or celery tonic. Not this. It’s just as bad as it sounds.

The one passable part of the meal was the baked beans. They taste like they came from the can. Luckily, I happen to enjoy baked beans from a can.

All told, interstate’s food has a bulk foodservice vibe and is slightly below school cafeteria-level quality. Did you know that Sodexho Marriot provides foodservice to both schools and prisons? Walking out of Interstate, I think I found out where they got their barbecue sauce recipe.

Bitter veggies

It is the season for yodeler-divas to warble heartfelt, smooth rock remixes of german christmas carols from every retail loudspeaker. It is the season for every distant dad to play caring parent long enough for photos of their nuclear family smiling around a fireplace to send with holiday cards. It is, apparently, the season for dcfud to get really bitter and wordy.

But if you think dcfud is bitter, we can’t hold a candle to the awesomeness of great Horseradish. You may just know it as that nasty stuff that you put on your matzo on Passover, but baby you don’t know nothing yet. The enzymes in this ingredient are used in all kinds of medicine for cancer, AIDS, and that old favorite, leprosy- and if that wasn’t enough, you can eat it too.

Here is a recipe for horseradish Mayo. Throw it at the next coworker you catch humming “Winter Wonderland” under her breath.

1. Combine 1 egg, salt, half a lemon’s worth of juice, and a tablespoon of mustard in a blender

2. With the motor running, add a cup of veggie oil in a sloooow stream until everything is light and creamy.

3. Add three tablespoons of fresh grated horseradish. Bitch about holiday commercialism until someone bites you.

Bloody American Guacamole

I assume I preach to the choir when I say that Chipolte is the best faux Mexican food known to Man and Martian. But alas! What do you do when the sensuous squish of guacamole is not close to hand? What if, to save the world, you have been forced to travel to Ohio? Or… Uxbridge, England?

Do not despair! This is the fake recipe for Chipotle Guacumole that I painstakingly worked out last spring*, much to the horror of my extremely English roommates.

1. Peel one large ripe avocado. To pit easily, slice all around circumference and twist.
   Ai? Ai, wass all this then? 'S all green, inn'it!

2. Squeeze in one teaspoon of lime juice or more to taste- fresh only
   Ai Wambah, lookit what the bloody american's doin-S' note right, that!.

3. Add half a cup of cilantro, chopped, half a small red onion, minced, and a clove of minced garlic
   Cor! It smells loik a bloody cafeh-teeria in here, you wankah!

4. Chop up a large chille and add to taste, sprinkle with kosher salt
   Well it don’t taste nice t’ awl, Claaaair, s' your turn to do thah dishes, thah American's made’t smehl all foul!

5. Mash only till there are large chunks, eat with nachos
   Bloody americans.
   

*With a little help from http://www.wcpo.com/recipes/2003/05/03.html

Mrs. Rowe's Serves Up Not-so-spectacular Southern Cuisine

The DCSOB road trip began as all other DCSOB-team road trips begin, with RJ3 berating AMG for being late and delaying their departure. The ostensible reason for an 8 a.m. departure from D.C. was to reach a roadfood.com recommended restaurant in Staunton, VA in time for lunch. And even though the team departed closer to 9:30 a.m. and got stuck in the inevitable I-66 accident traffic, we arrived in Staunton about 12:45 in plenty enough time to catch lunch at Mrs. Rowe’s Restaurant, a southern-style establishment wedged on a service road next to a Texaco and a store selling real Virginia handicrafts.

Our planned stop was the result of a stunning review on Roadfood.com that began:

“Mrs. Rowe’s maintains uncompromised culinary standards The menu advises that ‘the waitress will cheerfully accept the return of any food or beverage that is not perfect as to quality, neatness, temperature, seasoning, etc.’” In nearly two decades of visits to this humble dinner house in Staunton, we have yet to consider sending anything back.”

The review was written by Michael Stern in August of 2002. From what we could tell, Mrs. Rowe passed away in 2003, and things must have gone downhill since her departure. Gone from the menu was the edict that all food must be perfect. Gone, too, were the culinary standards that it once stood for.

While, as he frequently reminds readers, rj3 is from the great metropolis of New York City, I grew up in Florida and am accustomed to quality southern cuisine. Mrs. Rowe’s, while clearly southern, was of just average quality.

RJ3 ordered the quarter fried chicken, which he designed as good but not stunning. For sides, he had mashed potatoes, buttery and rather good, and the one stellar dish, a well-seasoned and not-over-mayonnaised cole slaw. I had fried catfish, a rather small piece of battered fish that was rather mediocre. And the side of green beans was overcooked. And as RJ3 commented later, “they were stingy with just about everything except the butter.”

The general consensus was that given the choice between Mrs. Rowe’s and Cracker Barrel, the Barrel would win any day.

And it did -- we ate there for dinner at a Cracker Barrel somewhere in Kentucky.

Mrs. Rowe’s Restaurant | Exit 222, I-81 | Staunton, VA | www.mrsrowes.com

Discount Doughnuts

Every store has its discounters. Estee Lauder has the Roanoke Warehouse where respectable matriarchs scrabble in huge metal bins for last years lipsticks. Saks Fifth Avenue has the Woodbury Commons outlet hidden in a small New York City suburb. Filenes has Filenes’s Basement. And apparently, answering a need we never knew we had, Entenmann's has the Entenmanns Bakery in at 1327 Rockville Pike, MD.

For shear horrifying Carbs, this ‘bakery’, a repository for slightly imperfect ENTENMANN'S baked goods is well worth the pilgrimage. The chocolate doughnut with smeared fudge. The Devils Crumb cake without enough crumbs. The Cream Filled Chocolate Cake with a spot of icing missing. They all end up here in huge cardboard boxes stacked, depending on the time of week, sometimes 15 high.

The products are a little hit and miss- Here’s a giant pile of low carb cookies, here’s four overflowing shelves of malformed chocolate doughnut holes covered in sprinkles. Here’s an entire empty wall awaiting tomorrows bread and pizza crust shipment with a single loaf of 5 grain bread crying all alone.

The prices are accordingly low- a loaf of bread, chocolate cake, doughnut holes, and package of pitas came to about $4. This place truly has the market cornered in preservative-laced, low quality squish. Joy!

Comte Gris Lavande

While it is certainly no substitute for coffee - I too need my morning (and late morning, and afternoon, and late afternoon, and evening ...) jolt - tea is a wonderful thing. So, I was really thrilled when Travis pointed me to a Minneapolis outfit called, with delicious pretense, La Société du Thé. Also on his recommendation, I ordered the Comte Gris Lavande, or Earl Grey with Lavender.

I drink regular Earl Grey all the time; it's one of my favorites. Soon, my order arrived, the box itself smelled so fantastic that people at my office kept asking what was inside. I took it home, and greedily opened it, to find a fantastically aromatic black sachet of tea.

For as aromatic as the bag was, the leaves inside were more so. I put on my kettle (filled with filtered water, of course!), and waited for the boil, heaping the gorgeous-smelling leaved into my teapot. The kettle wails.

I pour.

I wait.

I wait.

Three-to-five minutes.

I choose four.

I pour, and the tea itself has a lovely odor similar to the teas. The leaves have a powerful aroma, but the tea is subtler. Like the bergamot flavoring all earl greys, lavender is astringent, a bit sharp, and clean tasting. To separate the two on the palette is difficult, but not impossible - and they compliment each other gloriously. Lavender is the dominant flavor, with the bergamot adding its
citrusy hue beneath - almost as if this is a traditional thè lavande, with bergamot added as an afterthought.

I usually drink my earl grey with cream, but I worried about ruining this beautiful infusion with that - with no reason, a splash of half-and-half smoothed the
pique of the lavender, creating a lush, even flavor.

I am so hooked.

La Société du Thé, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Multiplying Bergers

Recently, I wrote an ode to Breger cookies on this blog. I am now proud (and just a little smug) to report a berger sighting in Roanoke, Va, over 5 hours from the Berger Source, Baltimore. The Berger sighting was in a little specialty store miles from the West Virginia border called Tinnell's Finer Foods. When the storeowner was asked to explain the Berger presence, he said he has a relative in Baltimore who introduced him to the cookie, and he has been importing them ever since!

Crabby

Saturday I crossed final hurdle (aside from actually getting accepted) between me and grad school. I took the GREs. It was a horrendous experience, and left me wound up enough to rival most springs. I needed a stress relief. And being a Baltimorean, there is only one stress relief that would do the trick. I needed to whack crabs.

Baltimore is justifiably famous for its crabs, though the pollution in the Chesapeake Bay means they are now imported from further up north. Nonetheless, crab cakes, crab-shaped hats, and shirts saying "Got Crabs?" (a rather fun slogan, as Baltimore was once the STD capital of the US) can be found in plenty in the touristy areas. Hence, it was little surprise that Saturday night found me at Obrycki's, a pleasant joint near the waterfront. There presumably are things to order at Obrycki's other then crabs. However, the only evidence is the menu since every table in site boasts only the world's finest crustacean.

You order a pound or so. They show up, whole and ready to be smashed. You spend the next hour smashing and crushing and sucking your way through a bucket full, while the crab debris piles up on the table. This is a tasty meal, though not amazingly so. It is a loud meal. But what it mostly is, is a fun meal. You sit around crunching crab bits and scrambling to get out the last bit of meat, while bone and bits go everywhere. By the end of the night I was feeling relaxed and zen. And not the least bit crabby.

Please note: while crab restaurants are fun, I do not recommend you go there on a date, as: 1. you tend to not be a pleasantest good night kiss at the end due to scent and breath 2. Your enthusiasm in smashing the crab may lead your date to worry about your anger management problems, and 3. if the site of you trying to suck the last bit of meat out a crab claw does not turn your date off, the site of them doing this will certainly make you consider other options.

Tooting Our Own Horn

We're several weeks into launch now and can't resist tooting our own horn. This is some of the (often biased) feedback we've seen about DCFUD so far:

"At once strongly written and freely editorial, the host of contributors write with humor, ease and plenty of images to supplement the goings-on. Its interest is clear: Füd is as diversely representative of the many palatal interests in which we all revel (in three consecutive entries I find talk of esoteric sob-inducing saké, a recipe for an ample orangesque chocolate mousse, and instructions for making a non-emasculating quiche worthy of pride from metrosexual and hog-farmer alike) as is the city whose citizenry it aims to inform." -- c-130

"Spotted: A great, new-ish local food blog, DCFÜD" -- AOL Journals: Notebook, Washington, DC.

"[T]here's now DC Füd. The umlaut adds a delightful crunch." -- Mainly About Food

"I have seen the future of blogging, and it has an umlat." -- DCSOB

A Jew-maican holiday party, Part I

Last night was quite an eating extravaganza at the R.J. household last night. The collision of two previously planned events - the preperation of jerk chicken for consumption by myself and two neighbors and a small Hannukah gathering with some of the DCFÜD crew - ended up on the same night.

So much cooking took place that a load of dishes had to be done in the middle.

This dish requires surprisingly little effort, assuming you plan ahead.

Jerk sauce can be purchased at most supermarkets, with superior variety available at specialty stores or upscale markets. I used Walkerswood, which is hot enough to rip your head off. Reactions to the finished product ranged from "ooh, this is tasty," to "WATER! [gasp] where's the water?" There was a lot of involuntary salivating and eye-watering among the uninitiated. So keep that in mind.

Anyway, get your chicken (I used breasts, you can use whatever you like) into a pan covered in jerk sauce about two days before you plan on eating it. Cover it up and forget about it until 15 minutes before you want to serve it.

On the day of the meal, get some rice cooking (your choice -- you could make traditional dirty rice, but I've only got two hands) and prepare your fruit by peeling two green plantains and chopping into 3/4 inch sections. Plop them into a pan with hot oil and fry until brown on both sides. Let the fried plantains dry out on a paper towel as you drop the chicken on the grill until cooked through. When you're done with the chicken, the rice should be ready as well.

Chop up the chicken, throw the plantains and rice into bowls and serve family style. A heartier (and spicier) meal you will not find.

In retrospect, the Jerk & Jew event worked well. When you think about it, there are similarities between the two cultures: Jamaica is a place known for its music and beaches that has a surprising amount of violence, while Israel is a place known for violence with surprisingly good beaches and music.

Makes you think...

Hot Fat

Judaism is a great excuse to eat high-calorie food. It’s one of the benefits: On one hand, your language doesn’t have vowels or a “to be” verb in the present tense. On the other hand you get to cook Potato Latkes in huge amounts and can claim that it’s for religious reasons.

Potato latkes (pancakes) are best eaten much hot- get your designated eaters to stand around waiting for you before you make them.

1. Peel three medium baking potatoes and grate them. Squeeze out the extra liquid

2. Add half a grated or finely chopped white onion, some salt, pepper, and Vegeta if you’ve got it. By now you should definitely have some, just buy it already.

3. Add two eggs. Stir the whole thing up, and add say, three tablespoons of flour.

4. Heat some peanut oil in a large shallow frying pan and make a test latke- drop a teaspoon full of mix on the pan, flip when the underside is golden brown and crunchy. Add extra salt and stuff if you need it.

5. Drain them on huge stacks of paper towels. Eat them with apple sause.

6. Burn your tongue and curse fluently till someone gives you a gin and tonic.
   

Linkey-and-Drinkey

I cannot resist pointing everyone to Teresa Nielsen Hayden's latest recipe post. I think that this punch should not, under any circumstances, be brewed anytime in the next two weeks and brought to a large new years party somewhere in downtown DC. Under no circumstances at all.

Health Bar.

I didn't have internet at my apartment until this week, so I was relying on wifi hotspots to do my not work-friendly net surfing. The Health Bar is the most convenient to my place, so there I found myself for two weekend brunches.

Saturday.
I came in, it was crowded, and so I sat down at the only free table, which was designed for four. I felt kind of bad, but well, I was hungry, in email withdrawal, and possibly still drunk from the previous night morning revelry. I ordered coffee "Now." and an omelet "Soon." The coffee came out quick and hot, but been-in-the-thermos-an-hour hot, not fresh hot. Close enough, but it comes with milk and I had to ask special for, gasp, real cream. As I'm settling in to the coffee and email, two other people sat down with me at my oversized table, and were friendly, which is a nice change from usual around here.

My omelet - with smoked fontina, portabellas, and turkey sausage - was a bit oily and flavorless (I even specified that yes, I wanted whole, real eggs, not nonfat egg substitute), except for the sausage which was good – a bit spicy, not too salty, nice. Roasted potatoes were good, the wheat-berry toast soggy and tasteless. Oh well, I'm here for the internet.

The coffee was fairly weak, so of course I required many cups. Alas, I had to flag down the waiter to get it refilled. Ugh. Since this is a gay establishment, all the servers look identical, and I flagged the wrong one. My server came up and asked what I needed, and they both glared a little at my mistake. Oops.

Bill was $12 plus tip…not bad, but too bad Chez Antoine has no wifi.

Sunday.
Damn my upstairs neighbors for actually knowing how to encrypt their wifi!!!
Back at the Health Bar, today’s server is damn hot. Tall, not too skinny, chin-piercing thing, etc., but damn is he a crappy server. I ordered coffee, and it took like ten minutes. There are only four or five other tables taken, and at least one more server.

My food – a bagel and a side of turkey sausage (much better than bothering with the omelet…bagel is passable, with veggie cream cheese (boring, but I added salt and pepper), and the sausage is fairly good, if clearly from our grocers’ freezer) – took another five or so minutes to come out.

Again I had to flag him down to get a refill on coffee, which I will say is less stale than Saturday’s. He brought the thermos to my table and filled my cup from it, reaching over the table to do so. Not that I minded the closer look, but still! I’m sure there are other types of service he’s much better at providing, but I’ve the sad inkling I’ll never know for sure.

All in all, I'm glad I have my cable modem at home now, but will still go back for the frozen cosmos (in the summer).

Health Bar
1612 U St., NW DC

Merlot in a Pyrex

This evening I had the experience of being served merlot at a supposedly reputable restaurant in glasses which were emblazoned with the name of the establishment and partitioned with actual white line markings for the half-glass and full-glass levels. Am I alone in my shock and outrage at this tackiness?

The overall atmosphere at Sette Osteria (Connecticut Ave. and R St.) was reasonably pleasant, and although I did not order a meal, my companions seemed to enjoy their entrees. Nonetheless, I can't seem to get past the "Sette" logo wine glasses with their volume indicators. They might as well have served my wine in a branded one-pint Pyrex measuring cup. What am I missing here? I am eagerly awaiting your responses, hoping someone will enlighten me as to when this became desirable. Thank you.

Rockbottom Brewery: Aptly Named

You’ve just finished the first day at your hill job (or nonprofit, or military tech contract, or whatever other traditional DC position you have just landed). You have spent the day filling out papers, answering vaguely worrying questions (‘by the way, you aren’t trying to overthrow the federal government, are you?’), and being photographed for the 15 forms of ID you will need. What you really crave now is…Blue Cheese.

Yes, Blue Cheese will make all your troubles go away, so you take the red line to the Rockbottom Brewery in Bethesda in the hopes of chicken wings and beer. And cheese.

Unfortunately for the federal government, you find the Lumpy Dog Light Lager disappointingly bland and the Raccoon red ale not much better. The chicken wings, albeit simply as a vehicle for the coveted blue cheese, are stingy, the celery is limp, and the Grilled barbeque Pork sandwich tastes distressingly of beans. The sorority-reunion at the table next to you have all ordered merlot despite the name "brewery". To add insult to injury, the price tag runs you $28 plus tip.

You decide to de-stress by falling asleep on your carpet instead. You wake up at 12 because of a wild Tuesday night party upstairs. You laugh hysterically until someone puts you to bed. End of day one.

Picture thanks to http://www.rockbottom.com/

Where the "Top 40" includes Steel Reserve

Did you know that there is a radio show devoted entirely to suds, brewski and cold ones? Depending on the power of your radio (I suggest using your car stereo), you can catch Beer Radio on Baltimore's 105.7 FM from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. on Sundays. Quoth the Sun:

"The show includes interviews with brewers, old beer jingles, reports on fishing and football, and news segments (typical report: "North Carolina is thinking of raising its beer tax by 30 cents.")

There is also occasional political talk, viewed through a frosty mug, of course, such as a recent discussion of which potential Democratic candidates in 2008 would be best to have a beer with. Hillary Rodham Clinton did not fare so well. John Edwards did slightly better."

What about Ted Kennedy, or is he more of a hard alcohol guy?

Ghetto-style comfort food

We all remember the late night, frozen chicken pot pies while cramming for a final. This is the true meaning of nostalgia, at the top of the list of comfort food along with chicken soup, spaghetti, hamburgers, and Nutella eaten out of the jar.

With every DC grocery store still pushing post-thanksgiving turkeys (apparently, Giant was recently having 39 cents a pound sales) it’s the perfect thing for much-nibbled leftovers. You can do this with raw turkey…or yes, even chicken too, just cook the filling longer.

1. Sautee in butter a diced medium white onion, two diced carrots, and two stalks of celery, yes, diced. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, and Vegeta if you have it, some garlic if you don’t.

2. Chunk about two cups of leftover roasted turkey and dip each piece in flower. Brown thier surfaces in the same pan as the veggies.
3. Cover the whole thing about half way up with chicken broth. Stir it and simmer down till it’s all creamy n’ stuff.

4. Grease a pie pan and, alright, get this, cover the inside with Pillsbury biscuits that have been cut in thirds, disc-wise.

5. Add two teaspoons of cream to the filling, stir, and then pour it into the pie crust. Cover with more Pillsbury biscuit dough cause it’s yummy. Make a hole in the center to let steam come out.

6. Bake the whole thing till the top is light brown at 375. Eat that sucker. Heave contented sighs that you don’t have to eat frozen mini pie things anymore.

Uses for Frozen Spinach

A shout out to dcFUD’s amg who got jumped Friday night over at 18th and U-street. Hang in there amg, and get back into bed.

For the assault victim near and dear to you, when you run out of ice packs I highly suggest packages of Harvest Choice Cut Leaf Spinach. They’re relatively soft and sure beat frozen peas which clump up when you refreeze them

Splenda-Worthy?

Do you prefer Splenda to Sweet 'N Low and Equal? If so, you may want to start hoarding your Splenda now, since there's about to be a shortage. As reported by the Associated Press, Tate & Lyle PLC, the world's only manufacturer of sucralose, the key ingredient in the no-calorie sweetener, is having trouble keeping up with demand.

In reality, though, it looks like this shortage should only impact corporations that make food products that rely on sucralose, like Coca-Cola's newest drink, C2. So what I meant to say is: start hoarding your C2 now.

Dim Sum Part 2: The Specifics

Here are two Dim Sum suggestions:

My current favorite dim sum place - New Fortune - 16515 S Frederick Ave Gaithersburg (301) 548-888, www.newfortunemd.com. The food's hot, good service and great variety!

Fortune, (diff owners) at 6249 Arlington Blvd in Falls Church (703) 538-3333, www.fortunerestaurantbanquet.com. is less consistent. I've eaten some terrific dim sum here, especially on Chinese New Years, but also some that missed. The Barney-colored decor doesn't help either. They have another location at 1428 North point Village Center, Reston (703) 318-8898 that I've never visited.

-mhf, guest blogger

The Pizza of Paradise

Pizzeria Paradiso, oh you lovely lovely thing you. amg and zaf have just spent their lunch hunched over laptops at this upstairs, single room, brick-oven house of happiness near Dupont.

The 8-inch version is just enough for a single person to make themselves deliriously full, and you will eat the whole thing. Crusts are thin and fresh, erring on the side of crispy overdone-ness. I had a mine covered in pesto, potatoes, sun dried tomatoes, and parmesan, amg had his with mozzarella, tomatoes, portabella mushrooms, and ground meat of an unspecified but tasty nature. Crust also comes in whole wheat, which was not partaken of.

Average pie will run you about $11. So very tasty.

Pizzeria Paradiso | 2029 P St., NW

Get Your Mortar Running

I don't know how I cooked before I got my first mortar and pestle set. I mean, really cooked. Crushed freshly-toasted sesame seeds to make a stir-fry, or ground mustard, cardamom, and black pepper for another attempted Indian curry, or pulverized cilantro for salsa. When you crush ingredients this way, their oils are released and combined to a degree that can't be accomplished using a food processor--not exactly. Home-ground spices are fresher and, not surprisingly, often more potent than their store-bought, pre-ground counterparts. I'd go so far as to say the act of crushing and grinding the food components has a kind of soothing, therapeutic effect.

While wooden and metal sets are available, my preference is for the marble ones, due to their durability and resistance to odors and stains. You can choose from among a variety of sizes and materials at Sur le Table and Williams-Sonoma, and if you feel like sparring with other bargain hunters, you might luck out in the cutthroat treasure hunt that is the T.J. Maxx housewares section (I recently scored a decent 5" set there for $7.99).

Dim Sum Part 1: A Primer

My idea of a great meal is four maybe five appetizers, and hold the entrée, please. I'd much rather just nibble around - a little of this and a little of that - than have to face the same-o, samo-o chunk of grilled protein and a tired veg on the old plate yet again.

Enter…drum roll…Chinese dim sum. No, not a specific dish - it's lots of dishes or more specifically, a style of eating akin to Spanish tapas. Many small plates are offered, with enough variety to tempt even the pickiest. I've taken plenty of skeptics to a dim sum restaurant from a pleased (though puzzled) 85-year-old great aunt (see Will of Steel, Mousse of Chocolate - same aunt) - to a NYC cop who asked no questions and just kept shoveling it in. Everyone finds something to love.

Most dim sum restaurants only serve dim sum from about 11 AM to 3 PM for lunch though the times may vary slightly so check before you go There are two kinds of dim sum places- one with an a la carte menu to order from - avoid. For the freshest food, and the most fun go to a place that has little carts circulating around the room jamming the aisles, piled high with individual steamer baskets, or small plates of delicacies. Other carts sport mini-griddles to reheat stuff on the spot, vats of porridges, or glass cases with vivid colored desserts.

posted for mhf, guest blogger...continued

It's normal dim sum etiquette to stop a cart as it goes by and query the server what each dish is. Usually she'll lift the lid of the steamers to give you a peek especially if her English is shaky. It's fine to take a pass on any dish that doesn't appeal - asking doesn't obligate you to take it.

If you like what you see you'll get it along with a mark on your tally sheet. Eat a couple of dishes, or a couple of dozen - at the end the waiter will tally up the number of checks on your tab and charge you a pitifully small amount. The Saturday after Thanksgiving 10 of us ate for 2 1/2 hours and the bill came to about $125. That's $12.50 each folks! Including tip!

So what's to eat? Among my favorites: filled dumplings: shrimp, pork, vegetable, beef. Different kinds of fried noodles, spring rolls, spareribs in black bean sauce, roast duck, steamed chicken, stuffed crab claws, sticky rice wrapped in lotus leaf, rice noodle shrimp rolls, big buns filled with BBQ pork (beware: very filling!), green beans and broccoli with oyster sauce, braised Asian eggplant stuffed with shrimp, clams, sesame balls with sweet bean paste. Hell, there are hundreds of different dim sum and every places has its specialties. Weekdays there will be far fewer offerings so I strongly recommend going on weekends but expect a crowd. Don't worry the line goes fast.

-mhf, guest blogger

Quick Tofu Salad

So I woke up yesterday morning about 20 minutes late, groggy and none too pleased with the situation. Before I could run out the door to work I had to pack a lunch, as I am far too poor to be eating at the wonderful Well-Dressed Burrito (another post another time on that place) every day. I was also low on my usual lunch fixings - sliced turkey and cheese and instant soup. So it was to be a Left-Overs Salad Day.

What I created, which came out really delicious, was as follows:

In a cup, mix:
1 part good olive oil.
1 part mirin.
1 part soy sauce
3 shakes Chinese 5-spice blend
2 shakes powdered ginger (if you have time for fresh, that would be better!)
Habanero sauce to taste - I used quite a bit, as I'm a masochist.

Emulsify, and pour over spinach greens and chopped carrots, with a half-block of extra-firm tofu, cubed.

We can eat heroes, if just for one day*

An article in today's New York Times turned my thoughts to the mighty hero, that noble, filling concoction of bread, meat, cheese and sauce that, if done right, can leave you with a heady bliss that lasts clear past lunch and on through the afternoon. The new trend, if you trust the Times (which you should, because they have someone on the hero beat), is multicultural sandwiches, like this:

"It was at Milanes, a modest Dominican storefront restaurant in Chelsea, that I had the chicken sandwich that sent me into orbit. Grecia Milanes, who opened her doors in 1995, strips the flesh and skin from a quarter roasted chicken and fills a Latino-style hero roll, which she toasts in the sandwich press with the meat and skin before layering lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise on the sandwich.

The crispy skin, in combination with the other components, elevate this sandwich to near-mythic status. The sweetness of the mayonnaise, the gamy meatiness of the dark meat chicken and the crispy skin make for the Dominican equivalent of a Peking duck hero."

That may be worth the $35 Washington Deluxe round-trip fare alone. But can you get a really good blue-collar sandwich down here? Aside from the Subways that seem to be popping up on every corner not already occupied by a Starbucks, the best I can come up with is the Chicken Madness, made by Wisemiller's Deli of Georgetown.

For $5.45, you get "Mounds of grilled chicken breast, onions, sweet peppers, garlic, hot peppers, bacon and provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise," all mashed up on the grill and served with a complimentary soda.

Health-related note: If you plan on cutting calories by ordering a Chicken Madness without mayo, don't. Like the slaves running ahead of the stone blocks with brushes and oil on the way to the Pyramids' construction site, sometimes big wonders of the world need lubrication. In other words, you can't comfortably eat a Chicken Madness without the mayo.

Do you have a favorite D.C. sandwich? Tell us in the comments!

Wisemiller's - 1236 36th Street, NW - (202) 333-8254

* Alternate titles for this post considered for this post but discarded because they bear no relation to heroes include "Spatzle Oddity," "John, I'm Only Dicing" and "Moonpie Daydream." I apologize.**

** Upon additional reflection, all three titles mentioned in the above sentence describe things I've done recently. Whoa.

Drink to Your Health!

Two of my favorite drinks are in the news today for having great health benefits. Orange juice seems to fight a deadly form of childhood cancer.

Green tea, which I love, may be The Perfect (non-alcoholic) Drink. It blocks prostate cancer in a number of ways, fights leukemia, and boosts your memory. Sounds like we should all be drinking more of it!