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When its been a long day of polishing your wooden leg, beating up ninjas, and feeding the parrot, all your standard pirate desires is an uncrowded car on the Red Line and a chicken sandwich. Well, the uncrowded car part is relatively easy compared to the insurmountable task of finding a good chicken sandwich in DC. Shiver me timbers indeed, what be this on me Kaiser? It be th' dreaded CHICKEN PRODUCT.

Oh, that greasy sensation of biting into a salty, lukewarm, sponge. Those air bubbles where no air bubbles should be. That flat, oblong shape; inside every mammal's brain, no matter now indoctrinated, there is the knowledge that chicken breast should not have right-angles.

But besides being completely disgusting and inedible, what's in this stuff?

Chicken skin is the prime ingredient in most chicken product, ripped off by factory workers before the rest of the chicken is processed. Skin is often the only part of the chicken present, but even that could be as low as 16% of what makes up a finished patty.

Protein slurry: created by forcing carcasses that have already been stripped of skin and meat through a wire mesh. Any actual muscle product, (and also nerve matter, cartilage, and bone) gets added in this way

Water: to plump up this stuff, it goes through a process called 'tumbling' where salt water is forced into the matter. This makes it take up more space.

Cow and pork hide, bone, and ligaments: the water would just drip out again without these important stabilizers

Soybeans: vegetarians will be glad to know that most of the chicken product's volume is actually made from this legume. It's the only way to give it any other texture besides 'liquid'. However, to make this stuff taste right, you have to first flavor it with...

A huge amount of MSG, sugar, maltodextrin, lactose and other flavoring chemicals: after all, soybeans aren't known for their chickeny taste. The sugar also helps neutralize the salt water we already used to give it some volume.

Anti-foaming agent (polydimethylsiloxane): it's a type of silicone. I don't know what that is, but it sounds pretty scary.

Leavening agents: sodium bicarbonate or yeast to add more volume. I'm guessing that must be what causes the freaky air bubbles

Xanthan gum, phosphates, and other emulsifiers, binders, and stabilizers: it's the only way to glue the proteins, water, and fat from stratifying out of solution.

Lots of banned antibiotics: at least in Europe, a lot of chicken product comes in through Asia to bypass EU laws on harmful substances. Anyone know if this is true in the US?

Citric acid: a preservative. It almost sounds wholesome at this point.

I'm not really sure what pirates had to do with any of this. -z

Pasta Poseur

I'm no carb hata, but I've always been intrigued by the concept of spaghetti squash. A vegetable that can take the place of pasta, both in appearance and heartiness? Would it work? Would it just taste like a limp poseur? I figured I'd experiment.

I roasted the pasta imposter for about an hour in the oven (cut in half, ends slathered with olive oil). While I was doing that, I decided to construct a sauce that the vegetable underneath could showcase. In an attempt to continue the healthy trend, I threw together a quick primavera marinara sauce. This consisted of:

1 can crushed tomatoes
about half a mini-can of tomato paste
Some chopped onions, garlic, summer squash, green beans, mushrooms and broccoli
salt and sugar
pepper
dried spices including: fennel seeds, marjoram, basil, oregano and red pepper flakes.

Yeah, I don't measure.

I browned the onions and garlic before adding the tomato paste and sauce. Now, I decided to cook the sauce separately and steam the veggies on the side in chicken broth, combining at the end, just b/c I hate overcooked veggies. Other methods are fine.

After about an hour, I took the squash out of the oven. It's pretty fun to scrape it out of its shell and see it take on its spaghetti-like texture. It's also not the best move to do it right away, as it's a burn waiting to happen.

I topped the squash with some sauce and a bit of smoked mozzarella stirred in.

The verdict: Well, it's not pasta. But it's good. I would recommend always using a distinctive sauce b/c you notice it a lot more when it's on a veggie instead. It wasn't the most filling dish I've ever had, but I'd eat it again!

Falls Church's Own Eden

I love Eden Center so much, despite only having made a handful of visits so far. Whether it be the grocery stores with bitter melon by the pound, the plethora of Vietnamese restaurants or the availability of bubble tea, the Asian shopping center is a clear destination spot for me. In the past week alone, I've had the chance to visit two of the most talked-about restaurants in the plaza. How did they measure up?

First on the list to visit was Huong Que (or "Four Sisters"), which Tom Sietsema is raving about every other minute. It's got a cute, date-friendly atmosphere, and a novel-length menu.

I'd heard good things about the short ribs in a clay pot (I'm a sucker for short ribs). They tasted a bit more like boneless spare ribs than I'd expected, but they were DELICOUS, at once sweet and savory. The shrimp toast was arguably the best I've had in the area, crispy and featuring a plump portion of shrimp. My companion was a bit less fortunate - although he enjoyed his noodle dish, the waiter somehow never heard him order it. Luckily, one of the sisters approached our table to ask if everything was all right when she noticed my untouched meal, and both she and the waiter made hasty and apologetic repairations. Delicious food, polite service: I'll be back.

A friend and I returned a few days later on his quest to find natto. The grocery stores couldn't help us (too Japan-specific, I guess), but we tried not to make the trip a total loss, and ducked into Huong Viet for dinner. Definitely a more casual atmosphere than Huong Que, the place was bustling nonetheless.

When surveying the menu, I easily could have went for any of the many Pho and soup options on the list. Unfortunately, the temperature in the restaurant was almost stiflingly warm, killing my desire to consume any hot broth. I went with a meat and vermicelli dish instead - beef wrapped with bacon, accompanied by noodles. The dish was sweeter than I'd expected, with a hint of smokiness. Oddly, I could taste but not see the bacon. I went the "wrap your meat, veggies and noodles in rice paper" route, creating my own makeshift summer roll with my entree, and it all worked together nicely. My friend had a typical flat rice noodle dish with meat and seafood, and I definetely enjoyed what I could grab off his plate with my middling chopstick skills.

It'll take more than a visit to each to call a winner in the food category (Huong Que has a head start). If you're looking for a quick bite, Huong Viet fits the bill nicely (well, maybe not if you're seeking soup...). If you're looking for atmosphere, go the Que route. But my greatest recommendation would just be to visit Eden Center and start experimenting. And pick up some groceries and bubble tea while you're there!

Eden Center
Wilson Boulevard at 7 Corners
Falls Church, VA

Cheap French... for a price

The hot sandwich chick from Cosi has finally agreed to give your cheesy ass one date. You know that a Classy lady like this needs the kinda lovin' that only duck and muscles can provide, so you take her to Bistro du Coin just north of Dupont. The food is great, the wine is fine, but at the end of the night you're stuck with a lonely drive home with the doggy bag. What happened?

This is a question that many an unsatisfied lust asks themselves about Bistro Du Coin. The food is really good- surprisingly good, the location is perfect...but every time I go in here I leave feeling wierded out and yucky (technical term). Its tough to quantify, but I've narrowed it down to three possibilities:

The waiters - There's a special group of folks who confuse snobby briskness with efficiency, and this place has hired them all. Now, popular notion agrees that there's a certain level of prissiness expected in a French restaurant. This is the same notion that looks for a gothy rudeness from every starbucks barista. I say, if you want to roleplay an unpleasant stereotype, be a waiter at Hooters.

The room - The colors in MacDonald's restaurants have been specially chosen to psychologically induce hunger and create anxiety, the idea being "eat a lot, then get out". These are the same colors as BOC has chosen for their dining room. Its also loud and echo-y, especially packed to capacity with...

The cramped tables - There's something about having your silverware swept off your table by a passing diner for the nth time that makes you wonder...wouldn't an extra three inches of arm room rock?

Alright, I don't mean to be pissy (like a Bistro Du Coin waiter) but the food here is usually so yummy and cheap. I just wish I could bring myself to munch it more than once a year.

Mousse on the rocks

Way back in the beginning of DCFUD, mousse was a topic of discussion (Will of Steel, Mousse of Chocolate, November 25, 2004). But in the mean time we have made an incredible discovery ranking with the invention of the wheel, at least. And that is...frozen mousse.

It all began innocently. I brought a large batch of mousse to a pot luck and someone casually asked me if I'd ever tried to eat it frozen. No actually, I hadn't. But luckily there was some left over so I raced home and tossed it in the freezer.

Eureka does not being to describe my cries of elation at this transformation. Light, smooth, fabulous mousse is transformed into ...smooth, chewy, well not ice cream but some divine frozen dessert all it's own. You must try it.

In case you are wondering, here is the updated, streamlined recipe I used, more or less adapted from "How to Cook Everything" by Mark Bittman.
Great Chocolate (Frozen) Mousse

2 oz sweet butter
6 oz excellent European bittersweet chocolate
3 eggs separated
1/2 c sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 TB kirsch, rum or other liquor or more to taste up to 1/4 cup

• Melt chocolate and butter over a double boiler, when melted stir to mix together and cool a minute or two
• Beat yolks well to mix, beat in chocolate
• Beat egg whites with 1/4 c of sugar until stiff. Set aside
• Beat the cream with the vanilla and other 1/4 c sugar until stiff
• Fold 1/4 of the whites into the chocolate mixture to lighten, fold in rest of whites
• Fold the in the whipped cream and kirsch until no white streaks remain
• Cover and refrigerate until firm - an hour or two minimum. OR FREEZE!!!! (Actually first I did refrigerate it and then froze it but I can't see what that should be necessary)

This article by guest blogger MHF. Thanks!
Picture blatantly stolen from worth1000.com/