I juice, therefore I am.

By Guest Blogger Andrew Kohn.

I have a confession to make and it's not a pretty one; I've fallen prey to the juicing craze. Once only reserved for the body-builder or new age hippie, juicing has now swept across America, picking up housewives in Salt Lake City, mixologists in New York City, and every Oprah watcher in-between. Isolated in my little kitchen, I thought I was immune to this tornado until the day I was re-gifted a juicer. No spinach, carrot, kale, or cranberry has been safe since.

But the real question is, why do I juice? Leafy greens produce about as much liquid as they look like they would, and you can only get so much out of a chunk of ginger. Sure, I could just use celery and cucumber, but I require flavor. Oprah's green juice recipe isn't too shabby, and if it's good enough for Oprah...but I also need some variation. And undoubtedly, there's some hidden team that produces the glass of juice to her majesty sans the mess that naturally follows a juicing session.

One problem is that doesn't keep for long. Some pulp will invariably make it into the glass. Let it stand for a few minutes and the strata begin to appear. The stages of juicing are revealed - the actual liquid, the fine sediment that successfully navigated through the sieve, and the foamy vegetable meringue that rests like whipped cream on top of the entire concoction. Stir that baby up and take a sip. Delicious. Don't stir it up - well, you're re-paid for your lazy attitude. I will admit there is nothing lazy, however, about my juicing. Freshly prepared every morning, it's not the smell of bacon that wakes up the house but the jarring buzz of parsley meeting a cruel fate.

You're mission, if you choose to accept, is to juice. The machines can be reasonable - instead of a morning $3.50 latte, buy the juicer and feed it some veggies. They're also staples at garage sales across the country - but don't let that deter you. Those people were quitters! And you're a winner! I bet you'll feel better and maybe even shed a few extra pounds in the process. Experiment with different flavors and compost the leftover vegetable pulp. Fresh juice has numerous health benefits , including an increase in metabolism and a preventative against cancer and heart disease.

I freely admit I've bought into the craze, sipped the proverbial carrot-ade, and wonder where I'll go next?! Hummus instead of mayonnaise? Gluten-free pumpkin seed toast instead of my English muffin? Carob chips instead of Hershey's! Now let's not get carried away. My bunker has been reinforced against those tornados and my pantry is fully stocked with provisions!

Do you know where to get some good juice in town? Please email a comment to dcfud.writers@gmail.com,and after a healthy inspection I'll report back!

Awesome Tofu, Bloody Simple

Tofu gets a bad rap. Worse yet, it also gets abused so frequently that one can understand why - tofu is not (a) a substitute for meat (b) a substitute for eggs, (c) a substitute for anything else, or (d) particularly forgiving. Treating tofu like the good little flavor-sponge it is can yield tasty results, but sometimes it's fun to take it in a different direction entirely. This ridiculously simple (but, alas, not very quick) recipe is great for any tofu you'd like to use as a meal on its own, or for incorporation into other dishes as a side, texture, or whatever. The sauce and egg steps are optional, but make a delicious meal.

What to do:

Cube a block of extra firm tofu (at room temperature), and dice a small shallot.

This will probably only work in a very well seasoned cast-iron pan, so get one heating on high. Fry the shallot (don't add any oil unless you absolutely can't avoid it). Now, reduce the heat to medium-low and add the tofu so that it all lays flat on the pan.

Leave that alone for about five minutes, and make sauce:

Add about 2 tbs. Bragg's (soy sauce might work too), some sriracha, a couple splashes of oil, and a quarter cup of water (or stock) to a glass. Grind in a bit of coriander and some mustard seed. Stir like hell.

Now, toss your tofu around so that it's all been flipped - what was on top is now touching the pan. Leave it another five minutes or so and repeat, except this time do a half-flip, so the sides get some heat. And, again. 4 of the cubes' eight sides should be nice and brown. Stir your sauce again, and toss it in, turning the heat back up to high. Stir the tofu around in the sauce, and let it reduce away (this shouldn't take very long at all).

Now, remove the tofu to a bowl, and add a bit more oil to the pan. Crack your egg and fry it up to your preferred texture (I suggest a runny yolk, it works nicely). Serve the tofu with pickled tindora and the egg. Delicious and healthy!!!

Warm Summer Salad with Polenta

Summer for me is all about fresh fruit and vegetables, and cooking things lightly if at all. This is a lovely salad that is best with the freshest veggies you can find, in whatever proportions suit you on that day. The ones listed below are just the ones I used today, though in the past it's included spinach, onions, watercress, apples and chives, in addition to and instead of those. You can also skip the polenta, which I just like for a different texture, or add croutons instead right before the vinegar step for yet another.

Sample Ingredients:

Carrots
Tomatoes
Hungarian Peppers
Cucumber
Lettuce or other greens
Polenta cake
Fresh basil
Crumbled goat cheese
White wine vinegar
Marsala
Olive oil
Mustard Seed
Salt, Pepper

Wash and dice all your veggies, and cut the polenta cake into 1/4 inch cubes, keeping the lettuce separate from the other ingredients. Heat the mustard seed in some oil (not too much! I used about 1 tablespoon) in a pan with salt until they start jumping about. Now add your polenta, and cook it for about a minute over high heat. Next, add your veggies and basil (not lettuce/greens), stir-fry for about a minute, and then reduce the heat to medium and cook till they're all the texture you like. Meanwhile, mix the vinegar and a little bit of Marsala in a glass, with a few shakes of salt and drops of oil.

Remove all that to a bowl, and toss the lettuce on top. As it begins to wilt, turn the heat back up to high in your pan, and deglaze it with your vinegar mixture. When that's reduced by about a quarter to half, pour the hot liquid over your lettuce and toss in the goat cheese. That will kinda melt in; taste it now and add salt and pepper as you like.

You could add hard boiled eggs too, if you wanted to, or bacon might also be nice. As I said, this is really just a template, the basic idea being that the lettuce isn't really cooked itself at all, but just wilted by the heat of everything else. Actually none of it is full cooked except the polenta and sometimes I caramelize some of the veggies, but really it all means that you've got warm salad with little bursts of cool lettuce where the heat didn't get to it, which is really nice.

Variation on a Salsa Verde

For some time now, I've been craving salsa verde. I don't really know why, or even what I wanted to do when I find it, but there was a clear deficit of the stuff in my life. Store-bought salsas are pretty much invariably disappointing, and the green varieties double so. They usually at double the cost too.

Traditionally, salsa verde is made with jalapenos, tomatillos, cilantro, and lime juice. I don't like jalapenos (or, at least, I prefer other sources of heat), the cilantro at the store wasn't so great, and I forgot to buy lime juice. As usual, I was not about to let this deter me.

I used:

• 3 tomatillos
• 1 cup (or so) fresh basil
• 3/4 cup Vidalia onion
• 2 Serrano peppers
• 2 cloves garlic
• 1 tbs olive oil
• 3/4 tsp celery salt
• 3/4 tsp turbinado sugar

While those are cooking, chop up your onion and measure the spices.

Once everything's cooked, take it out of the oven, peel the garlic and stem the peppers. Now, put everything into a blender or food processor and liquify. Adjust with salt, sugar, pepper, and whatever else you like, until you're happy. Remember - the flavors will be stronger once it has cooled and congealed a bit!

Serve with chips or on enchiladas or wherever you might want a very flavorful, slightly sweet but mostly tangy, heat. It also works very well as a pesto substitute if you use more basil.

Eastern Ingenuity Meets Western Laziness

I bought one of those pre-prepped bags of broccoli and cauliflower and carrots at the grocery store the other day, because it was on sale and because I love veggies and because I am lazy. At home, I noticed that on the back of the bag there was a recipe for a vegetable curry, using the contents of the bag, and other similarly-branded ingredients. I didn’t have most of those other things handy, and also the recipe didn’t look very good. But the idea's seeds were sewn.

Days later, at the Asian market, I came upon the aisle of canned curry mixes and powders. When an older lady speaking what sounded like Thai to her cell phone grabbed about four cans of Bright brand (Thai) Green Curry, I decided to try it. I’ve been steered horribly wrong before, but more often than not this is a good way of picking between brands you don’t know. I also picked up a few other ingredients and, for reasons not entirely clear even to me, later (at the farmers market) decided to buy buffalo instead of beef or chicken meat.

I ended up with the following:

- 2 cans green curry ( FYI: it has coconut milk and bamboo shoots and kefir leaves already in it, if you’re making your own)
- 1 large fresh Serrano pepper (about 1.5 tbs chopped)
- 1 stalk fresh lemongrass
- 1 lb. of mixed broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots
- 1 medium yellow onion
- 1.5 pounds buffalo top round
- Fish sauce
- Dry roasted peanuts

Back home, I got to work: I diced the onion and Serrano, chopped about 2 tbs of the lemongrass (slice into thin circles, then quarter), rinsed the veggies, trimmed the meat, and cut it into 3/4 - inch cubes. I got out my biggest pot, and first browned the meat a little bit. Then, I lowered the heat to medium and added olive oil, followed by about half of the chilies and lemongrass. After this was all nice and warm and fragrant, I stirred in the onions. I let them cook about 5 minutes, till a bit translucent but not all the way.

At that point, I added the veggies, and both cans of curry, about 3 tbs of fish sauce, and the remaining spices. I also added sriracha, but then again I like things hot. I upped the temperature as well, to medium-high, and let the curry simmer and reduce, stirring only once in a while, until everything was the right texture. It was, at this point, still a little watery for me, so I mixed a big teaspoon of tapioca starch in a quarter-cup of water, and stirred that into the curry to thicken it.

I am, it should be known, a bit lax in my advanced planning and very prone to forgetting to do things. Like, say, to buy rice at the store. Or to think about boiling pasta before the rest of my meal is nearly ready. Luckily, I am aware of my own, err, idiosyncrasies, and stock my shelves accordingly. It turns out that canned white hominy is easy and fast to warm, and actually makes a nice substitute for rice.

I garnished the dish with the peanuts, which I ground with mortar and pestle, which I think was a key factor in making this dish delicious. Without it, the buffalo was too much of a random flavor - the peanuts helped to integrate it all together. Plus, I love peanuts.

Breadfruit Sautée

A funny thing about my West-Indian tinged upbringing is that I’ve been exposed to so many amazing foods and cuisines, but not often directly enough to learn to execute them properly. So many of the dishes I grew up loving and still think of as supreme comfort food, I have no idea how to deal with preparing. Breadfruit is a prime example: the sweet, starchy fruit’s luscious perfume transports me instantly to warmer climes and friendlier faces, but once home with one, I’ve always been a bit perplexed. A wonderful substitute for potatoes or yams, the stuff is a royal pain to cook.

Despite this knowledge, the gorgeous aroma as I walked by the breadfruit bin at the farmers market overpowered my better judgment: if at first you don’t succeed, et cetera. Picking a medium-sized, about 1/3 green one (meaning that it was close to ripe, but not all the way), I headed home. First things first, I preheated my oven to 300, washed the fruit and skewered some holes in it, and wrapped it in foil. I roasted it for an hour total, quarter-turning every 15 minutes.

During the last 15 minutes, I diced a small white onion. Out of the oven, I let the fruit cool enough to cut it, remove the center bits, peel it, and dice it, while warming my skillet to medium-high. To the pan I added some butter and the breadfruit, and tossed it with some Vegeta. After 5 minutes or so, I added the onions. When the onions were a bit caramelized, but not charred, I removed everything to a bowl, and deglazed the pan with a cup of dark rum (Gosling, in this case), letting that reduce about 75%. I tossed the sauce into the bowl with everything else, and had a lovely accompaniment to the grilled chicken and spinach salad I’d also made.

Be aware: breadfruit has a very strange texture, if you’re not expecting it. It is a bit spongy, and can be chewy, but don’t let that deter you from this wonderful, and healthy ingredient!

Sprouting

Winter is coming. And if you're anything like me, that means that the color will all drain out of your life, leaving you a sad withered husk of the once-vibrant person you usually are. My most recent solution? Growing sprouts on the kitchen counter. Having something green and growing helps one stave off the SAD. As an added bonus, the quickest sprouts will grow in three days, giving you a much-need boost of almost-instantaneous gratification.

Growing sprouts at home not only gives you the satisfaction of eating them for literally pennies but you can also turn up your nose at the Yes!/Whole Foods/Eastern Market/Giant/Safeway/military/industrial complex.

The pictures show mung beans (59 cents at the Asian Market) which are the same sprouts used in all your favorite pan-Asian stir-fries. Though you can eat them straight up, I prefer to cook with them. If you're looking for something a little more direct-to-the-sandwich, you can sprout alfalfa, brassica (anything in the broccoli family), or mustard. Even the biggest dried legumes can be sprouted, including lentils, dried peas, and dried chick peas. Be sure to pick only the most-complete kernels if you go this route: I had one batch of dried peas go terribly wrong because only about 50% were undamaged enough to actually sprout.

The super-market-beatingest part about this is the drop-dead simplicity. You put in about three minutes of set up time, then 30 seconds a day for a couple of days and mother nature does all the heavy lifting.

First: get yourself a jar. I use a wide-mouthed mason jar because I had one hanging around. That's science. Next, fashion a breathable top that will allow water entry and egress, but still holds your sprouts in. I use cheesecloth, which is perfect since you can just screw the jar lid over it. You are now prepared to buy seeds. On my first-ever attempt, I sprouted alfalfa from a seed envelope I bought at Fragers. Once you've gotten hard core you too can order specialty blends from organic farmers growing happy healthy seeds in California. Part of the fun is buying tablespoons of different random seeds from your local bulk-purchase location and seeing which sprout and how fast.

Once you have the seeds, bung them in the container and soak them in tap water for 8-12 hours. The next morning, drain and rinse them once or twice until the water runs clear. Drain a final time, throw a towel over the container so that no light enters, and run off to do the million other things the day requires. Over the next couple of days repeat the rinse-and-drain cycle once in the morning and once at night.

One day you'll realize that the sprouts are the exact size you want them. Leave them uncovered to green up in the pallid winter sunlight (it doesn't take much light to fire up their little chloroplasts). After that, eat them with abandon. Whatever you don't eat out of hand can be transfered into a baggie and thrown in the fridge. They'll keep for about two weeks I'm told, although mine have never avoided predation so long!

This was written by guest Füddite EJG.

When Veggies Go Bad...Really Bad

From Framebox.de - maybe those kids who hate vegetables are on to something - they're Aliens.

Follow the link above for a great detail shot.

I don't even want to hazard a guess as to what salad dressing goes best with this. I'm guessing something acidic.

Link to this awesome, yet terrifying art found via Dark Roasted Blend.

Fall Pasta

Sometimes, when you cook something haphazardly, and the results are … haphazard. On rare, wonderful occasions, they are delicious and satisfying and worth repeating in a more orderly fashion. It’s October - properly fall now - and my first proper dish of the season was one of these delightful surprises; I’ll make it again without a doubt, and a bit of advance planning will make it even more amazing.

I love fall: the weather cools and the season’s earthy flavors make a nice letting down from summer’s exuberance before winter’s deeper and richer ones. My favorite fall ingredient of all is probably the most iconic, at least in the States: pumpkin. At the farmers market this week, I spied the first batch, rich orange with spiky grayish-brown stems, and bought two. It’s not yet cold enough here for my pumpkin curry, so I looked for another idea. Drawing from vague memories and, as I am in fact still a grad student, what was really cheap, I also purchased some really beautiful beets, and fresh sage.

Come dinner-prepping time, I was in the mood for pasta. How could I make my pumpkin-y schemes fit this new craving? Another memory flickered through my mind, this time of a creamy squash pasta, somewhere in DC, many years ago. Funny how I can remember things like this, but not the names and dates needed for my communications exam…

I messed about for a while, but ultimately this is what I used:

1 medium pumpkin, cut into 1-ish inch chunks (about 3 cups worth);
2 large beets, cleaned and similarly cubed;
1 pound whole wheat penne;
7 cloves garlic, chopped;
12 fresh sage leaves, torn into bits;
½ cup light cream;
½ cup milk (2%);
Sriracha;
Fresh-grated Parmesan;
Olive Oil;
Salt and pepper.

What I did:

I prepped everything as above. Ideally, I’d have pre-roast the beets halfway, but I am lazy so I just microwaved them for about 9 minutes; this softens them up so they can be sautéed with the pumpkin, saving some time. Once that was done, I added both beets and pumpkins to a pan over medium-high heat, with a bunch of olive oil and some salt. I sautéed them until everything was tender, but not quite fully done, and removed to a bowl, where I stirred in about half of the chopped garlic and sage.

While that was cooking, I boiled my pasta, adding a small piece of beet to that pot to make the pasta pink, because I was feeling that cheeky. When the pasta was slightly under-done (just before proper al dente), I drained and put it, along with the sautéed pumpkin and beets, into a large pot over low-medium heat. Then I mixed in milk, cream, and the rest of the spices. As it heated, I slowly added Parmesan until it was a bit gooey, but not super-cheesy (I didn’t want mac+cheese). Finally, I added sriracha, salt and pepper.

I served it with a bit more Parmesan on top, and it was fantastic. The pumpkin and beet really sing together, especially with all that dairy to mellow the beets’ sharpness. I’ve been enjoying the leftovers ever since, and found that adding some chicken chorizo really kicked things up, both in terms of flavor and fillingness.

Peanut Vargoli (Tindora) with Tofu

Continuing my adventures with strange vegetables from the farmers market, this week I noticed an older Indian woman being very excited to her shopping companions over a pile of small, gherkin-shaped vegetables labeled “Tindora.” My curiosity piqued, I asked her what they were and how to cook them. Her reply was that she called them “Vargoli” - the Hindi to Gujarati’s “Tindora” and the English “Ivy Gourd” - and that she sliced them and stir-fried them with mustard seed, cumin and turmeric; her companion added that ground peanuts were a good garnish. They also suggested that I pick only long skinny ones, and if any turned out to be orange inside, I shouldn’t use them.

With all this in mind, I picked myself a bag of little gourds to take home with a fresh turmeric root and a brick of firm tofu. At home, I added my own ideas to the mix, and this is what I used:

About 20 ivy gourds/tindoras/vargolis;
1 block of firm tofu, well drained and cut to cubes;
1 root of fresh turmeric;
About 1/2 tsp each cumin seeds and mustard seeds;
Peanut oil;
Organic/all-natural creamy peanut butter;
Mirin;
Sriracha;

While the tofu drained, I cut the ends off of and quartered each gourd and heated up my cast iron pan with a drizzle of peanut oil.

Reducing the heat to medium, I added the cumin and mustard seeds, letting them bounce around under my splatter screen until they were brown. I then added more oil, grated in about an inch of turmeric, and added the gourds and some sriracha. I stir-fried all this for a few minutes, not letting the gourd get totally soft. I removed it to a bowl.

Adding more oil to the pan, as well as another sprinkle of seeds and turmeric, I fried the tofu until it was nice and crispy on the outside, but still smushy on the inside. Then I removed that to another bowl.

While the tofu cooked, I put about a tablespoon of peanut butter, 2 tablespoons mirin, and 1 tsp sriracha into a small glass, which I microwaved for 20 seconds and mixed into a paste. I added more oil and a bit of water to make it more liquidy.

I then added all three pieces together in a large bowl, tossing the peanut sauce all over. The gourd itself has a mild flavor, not unlike a cucumber bur more sour and less … green tasting. It was really delicious with the peanut sauce. The tofu was, of course, tofu, and absorbed all the flavors like the good little sponge it is. Overall, this was a very tasty dinner which, at least partially due to my laziness and consequent lack of rice, was really quite healthy too!

Sweet, Bitter, and Bacon

In the US we tend not to eat much in the way of extremely bitter foods - grapefruit and endive are about as bitter as we go. Despite this, I love bitter foods, and I’d long wondered about the things at the farmers market - the strange ones with bizarrely textured, bright green skin. So today I asked the girl at one stall how one might cook a bitter melon. Her response: “However you want...I usually stir-fry them or boil and mash them. They’re so tasty!” It turns out that they’re really good for you too - perhaps helping to regulate digestion and improving blood sugar control.

Mission in mind, I returned home with three medium-sized ones, deciding to go the mashed route, as I also had a sweet potato and I wondered if they might play well together. With some helpers along for the ride, they did:

I put my sweet potato into the oven for baking; since I’m currently without a microwave, I have to do things the slow way. I washed and cut the melons in half, scooped out the seeds (which I’ve since been told are good to eat too, but I wasn’t sure, and they seemed rather crunchy for a mash), and cut the flesh into inch-wide bits. I put them in a pot of broth to boil.

After a few minutes (maybe seven or so), the melon smelled so good, I thought it would be a waste to boil all of that flavor away, and an idea popped into my head. I got out my frying pan and added some bacon. Bacon half-cooked, I moved the melon from pot to pan and sautéed the lot till the melon was mostly soft(ish), adding hot pepper flakes and Vegeta when I felt like it.

By this time my potato was baked, so I removed the peel, added a touch of olive oil and mashed it up. Then, I mashed up my melon and mixed it into the potato, stirring the bacon (now crisp and in pretty small pieces) on top. The bacon was, I think, key - its earthiness really unified the sweet and bitter flavors.

The results were quite tasty, and though more tweaking will be necessary before I think this dish is “complete,” I wanted to share it and see what other folks have done with this funny little fruit.

Mid-Atlantic Fusion Bourne of Atlanta Exile

It’s summer, and for natives of (and most transplants to) the Mid-Atlantic region of the US, that means one thing more than any other: crab season! Whether consumed in a violent orgy of mallets and shells or more demurely in delicious cake form, this is the season for the yummy little bastards. The thing is, I up and moved to Atlanta, where crabs are just a one-night stand’s lasting impression, and mentioning “Old Bay” will just get you asked if you don’t mean “Green.”

As is so often the case, my salvation came by pure providence. I had purchased some crab meat from the grocery - the crappy packaged kind that looks like it ought to be fake but isn’t - and was planning to do something vaguely fritter-ish. But, before dinner could be considered, I was headed to the gym, and needed a pre-workout snack. I pulled down a handful of crackers, and dipped one in a fresh tub of hummus.

Lesson one: don’t buy store-brand hummus in a Southern grocery.

Panic-stricken - for if my snack went this badly I’d never have the focus to exercise - I reached for the first thing I could see to overwhelm the sour horror of that hummus-product. My crab purchase had been inspired, of course, by coming upon a tin of Old Bay at the market. It was now sitting on the counter, just before my eyes.

That experiment worked, so I experimented more. Using good hummus this time, I mixed in about 1/2 tablespoon of Old Bay per cup, and spooned the mixture into a small bowl. I fried the crab bits in an Old Bay-flour mix as well. Then I let them cool, dried them, arranged them around the hummus mixture (with Triscuits), and an hors d’ouvres plate was born!

Bloody Pretentious Tacos

Tacos can’t possibly be pretentious, right? Wrong: when you find yourself at the farmers market and faced with $2 per pound ground lamb and gorgeous $3 tubs of pico de gallo, evil schemes begin to hatch. Those two ingredients in basket, I looked around for more markety goodness to add.

Ultimately I ended up heading home with a gorgeous looking poblano pepper and a bag of Vidalia onions (which I go through like crazy, as they are awesome), and started in the usual way: putting my ever-more-beautifully-seasoned pan on my seriously-underpowered stove to heat up. It takes about 6-8 minutes to get very hot, so I have time to chop.

--1 lb. ground lamb
--1 poblano pepper (diced)
--1/2 of a Vidalia onion (diced)
--Fish sauce
--Vegeta

Once the pan was hot enough, I added the meat and some salt, and reduced the heat to medium. When it was about halfway done, I drained most of the grease and added the peppers and onions, as well as a few shakes of fish sauce and a few of Vegeta. When it was almost done, I popped my soft flour tortillas in the microwave (unnecessary if you don’t keep them in the fridge/aren’t too lazy to make them fresh). I removed everything from the pan using a straining spoon, to minimize my grease consumption. It’s tasty, yeah, but I my arteries can only take so much!

I garnished the tacos with my lovely fresh pico de gallo, queso blanco, and a dash of hot sauce. They were delicious, and while pondering this it did occur to me that they were also ridiculous: Bloody Pretentious Tacos!

Taking the Easy Way

What can I say? I’m lazy. I want good, home-cooked food, but I don’t want to plan for it more than an hour (at most) in advance. Also because I’m lazy, I’ve become a bit addicted to the frozen, individually-wrapped fish fillets from the grocery store. It’s not the best quality fish, but bit’s relatively cheap and easy to deal with. Last night, I was pretty totally uninterested in going to the grocery store to pick up any items that might help make a meal out of my individually-wrapped mahi-mahi fillet, which I’d set out to defrost on a whim that morning.

So, I decided to see what I could do with what I already had lying about. (Luckily, I am aware of my own laziness, so I keep a pretty good stock of non-perishable basics lying about the pantry.) Here’s what I had:

4 oz. mahi-mahi fillet, thawed;
Lemon juice;
(Vietnamese) Fish sauce;
Garbanzo beans;
Leftover brown jasmine rice;
A mango;
Coconut milk;
Sugar;
Spices;
Olive oil;
Hot sesame oil.

I cut the fish in four, placed it in a bowl, and covered with lemon juice, adding about a teaspoon of fish sauce. I stirred it around, and then left it there, to consider next steps. While the fish marinated, I drained a can of garbanzos, adding about 1/3 of the can to a bowl and putting the rest away, and added about the same volume of rice to the bowl.

In a small glass, I mixed olive oil (about 3 tbs), a splash of sesame oil, and two splashed (maybe a teaspoon?) of lemon juice. I sprinkled in a couple shakes of dried basil, a couple of thyme, and a pinch of pepper.

I also put my pan on the stove, added some salt to it, and got it really, really hot.

By this time, the fish had been in the lemon juice about 15 minutes (I’d stirred and turned it every now and again too), so I removed it, patted it dry with a paper towel, and rubbed all sides with a little bit of basil.

I put the rice-and-garbanzo bowl in the microwave and set the timer for a minute, but didn’t start it, and then added some oil to my pan, followed by the fish. After a minute, I flipped the fish over, and hit start on the microwave. When it finished, I took out the bowl, tossed with my glass of dressing, and removed the fish on top of all that. Then, less than half an hour after I started, I ate, and it was really tasty.

Tasty, but I also wanted dessert. Hey, it’s finals week, I get dessert if I want it! After such a meal, the only dessert that I could think of wanting was mango sticky rice. But that takes time (and other ingredients)! Again, I improvised:

Cube half a medium-sized mango, and add to a bowl of pre-cooked rice. Add coconut milk to cover halfway, about a teaspoon-and-a-half sugar, and a pinch (a SMALL pinch) of ginger. Stir. Microwave one minute. Stir. Microwave one minute. Stir. Microwave 30 seconds. Stir. Eat!

See mom? Cutting corners really can get you places!

Tandoori Thai Eggplant Bites

Hosting a party can be stressful. I have a horrible tendency of setting a date, making the guest list and sending out invitations, not to mention planning music and making CDs, well in advance, only to find myself in a messy apartment with an empty fridge the morning of said event. As a result, my parties tend to rely more on the right mix of music, booze, and people (and often, explosives) rather than gourmet munchies.

Not that this has ever really been a problem, but sometimes I feel like I should at least have some quick-and-easy hors d’ouvres recipes lying around, for emergencies. And sometimes, homework is not nearly as appealing as a trip to the farmers market followed by experimentation in the kitchen.

Today was one of those times, and even though I don’t plan to host any parties for a good while, I ended up making (for dinner) a dish that I’ll be more than happy to serve at my next soirée. Assuming I remember to make it.

Like nearly everything I make, this was done on the fly, so I encourage people to fiddle with it all to get what you want.

Ingredients:
Thai eggplants (I used 6, which was plenty for my dinner),
2 tbs. Tandoori spice powder (I used Sharwood's),
2.5 tbs. Champagne vinegar,
2 tbs. lemon juice,
4 tbs. olive oil.

Preheat your oven to 350.

Decapitate your eggplants, and cut them in half. Mix all the other stuff together in a glass, and spoon enough of it over each eggplant slice (the inside side, not the skin side) to cover the whole surface. Put that in the oven for about 17 minutes, remove and let cool.

You could marinate the eggplant in the sauce for a more powerful flavor, but I think that might be a bit much, and make it a less appealing finger food.

See? Tasty and fancy-sounding hors d’ouvres in just 20 minutes!

Chipotle Spiked Sautee

I have a thing for hot sauces. Ok, well, actually I'm a sucker for odd sauces and spices in general, but I'm especially fond of hot ones. Knowing this, my sister presented me, as my Christmukkah present, a Hot Sauce of the Month subscription. This month's shipment included a mild selection, Tres Hermanos Chipotle Hot Sauce.

I love chipotles, but I find it hard to use them without making a dish seem forcibly "Mexican," which can be good or not, depending on my mood. Sometimes though, inspiration (by which I mean experimentation born of boredom) strikes, and something yummy results.

Tonight, I was sauteeing up some portobellas and onions, when the whole dish just struck me as d-u-l-l DULL. Looking about my spice rack for a jazzing-up ingredient, I noticed the Tres Hermanos bottle just sitting there, eying me. Daring me to make a move. (Anyone who knows me knows I probably won't back down from a dare)

In went the chipotle, and up went my interest! Here's what I did:

1 lb. portobello mushrooms, cubed.
1 large yellow onion, roughly diced.
1.5 cups tawny port.
1/2 cup Tres Hermanos Chipotle Hot Sauce
Olive oil, salt, pepper.

Add the mushrooms first to a sautee pan, and get them going for a bit. When they're about 1/3 done, add the onions. At the same time pour in the port, and add more salt and pepper, to taste. Reduce heat to low. After a minute or so, add the hot sauce, and stir.

When the veggies are good and done, remove them from the pan with a slotted spoon, and set them aside. Now up the heat, and reduce the remaining sauce to about 1/4 its volume (deglaze if you like).

Serve the mushrooms and onions over rice, garnishing with reduced sauce. Adding garlic at the same time as the port might be nice, but I didn't think it was missing. You could also add steak to this, for a heartier dish.

Out Of The Deep-Fryer & Into The Frying Pan

After another Thanksgiving, I thought I’d ease everyone back into the daily grind with something unusual for this web site: a culinary op-ed of sorts. Recently, the people in charge of New York City have begun a debate on whether or not to ban trans-fatty acids in restaurants. In order to understand the implications of this, it is necessary to know a little bit about what trans-fatty acids are, and why officials would want to ban them.

Normally, fat comes in four types: saturated, polyunsaturated, monounsaturated, and trans fatty acids. Saturated fat (such as butter, coconut oil, and palm kernel oil) is solid at room temperature, and is generally quite bad for you, in that it has been shown to be correlated with heart disease. Unsaturated fats are liquid at room temperature (olive, canola, soybean, corn, and vegetable oils), and while still bad for you, are less bad than saturated fats (although the fat content in your diet should come from unsaturated fats as much as possible).

The trouble is that all the flavour and goodness in various recipes comes from saturated fat. Some enterprising companies have discovered that if they add Hydrogen to an unsaturated fat like vegetable oil, it takes on properties that make it behave like a saturated fat (in terms of taste, texture, and body). These hydrogenated or partially-hydrogenated oils (which are sold as margarine, vegetable “spreads,” oleos, and shortening) are also called trans-fatty acids (or TFA for short).

Recently, authorities have become concerned because of a link between TFA’s and a number of health problems. TFA's have been shown to raise the level of LDL ("bad") cholesterol, while lowering the level of HDL ("good") cholesterol, which leads to an increased risk for heart attack and stroke. Also, there seems to be a correlation between TFA consumption and obesity levels. The federal government, which is in an excellent position to enforce such a ban nationwide, has been silent on this matter, so some municipalities have started to take matters into their own hands. New York City, as the first major city to consider this, is being watched very carefully. Fast-food restaurant chains such as McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's, worried about potential drops in profit margins, have already (supposedly) started investigating alternatives for their fried foods.The proposed ban would only encompass restaurants. People would still be able to purchase margarine, shortening, etc. for home use.

As a professional chef, I am opposed to this sort of regulation for two reasons. First is because it’s badly written legislation that unfairly targets restaurants. Only restaurants would be subject to a ban on ingredients that are otherwise perfectly legal to use. Restaurants generally use a shortening in their deep fryers because it’s cheaper to use, and it doesn’t have to be changed as often as oil (and believe me, changing the oil in a commercial deep-fryer is not trivial). As such, the practical implication of this ban would be to quadruple the cost of anything fried.

The second reason I am opposed to this ban is because I really believe that it is not for a government to regulate what I eat. I am an adult, and I should decide what level of risk I’m comfortable with. I understand that there is a large amount of obesity in our society, but at the end of the day, people are responsible for their own diets, and for their level of activity (or lack thereof). What will happen if this ban comes to pass is that restaurants will most likely revert to using saturated fats such as butter, which is why the American Heart Association does not support the ban as it is currently written.

This sort of regulation first started in the late 1970’s when officials were concerned about Peking duck (which requires that the duck is hung to dry for half a day). It then moved to artisanal sausages and salumerias, and now to TFA’s. As a result, a lot of old-style artisan work is being lost. I admire the New York City government’s intentions, however the practical implications would be to shield people from one danger, while exposing people to another. Where does this end? If they come after Five Guys next, then my friends, the terrorists have truly won.

Got an opinion? Post a comment, or send an e-mail to dcfud.writers@gmail.com. For more information on TFA's and their health implications, check out the American Heart Association's web site.

Roadtrip: The New York Chocolate Show

Chocolate is the new coffee, stated the girl across the table from me, and I had to agree. What Seattle yuppies did for America's taste in coffee, and Whole Foods did for everything else, someone, even as we speak, must be doing for chocolate.

When did it happen? Certainly some time before Max Brenner of Chocolate by the Bald Man brought his first chocolate café's to NYC. And well before Lindt declared chocolate tasting on par with wine tasting with its sophisticated Excellence 99% Cacao Noirissme chocolate bar in 2005. In fact, by the time that Hershey recently jumped on the bandwagon with their belated and dubious Cacao Reserve line, the concept was already in danger of becoming mainstream. Where once we had pharmacy racks of gritty brown wax, now for the first time we have solid organic tablets that snap when you break them, and liquor-infused balls of rich, melting ganache.

And that was how I found myself sitting in Stout, an absolutely terrible midtown sports bar, picking at a salad, trying to stave off what can only be called a 'sugar hangover'. The last 24 hours had been spent wallowing in the Ninth Annual Chocolate Show in New York, a testament and showcase to America's slow maturation of chocolate taste.

For three days this last weekend, those willing to wait in the three hour line were rewarded with chocolate sculptures and chocolate cosmetics, and representatives of the Ivory Coast. Demonstration kitchens allowed pastry chefs like Bill Corbett of Dona to show off their chocolate recipes, while the kiddies tried chocolate painting. And yes, there was a fashion show of chocolate clothing, and tastings of bizarre concoctions like chocolate and mushroom bars, and chocolate book signings, and there was even one lone chocolate cupcake vendor, but none of that really mattered because what people really come for is the chocolate exhibitors.

The Chocolate Show is the J-date of the brand-name chocolate distribution world. If it's a small chocolatier's dream to someday be picked up by Dean and Deluca or Whole Foods, this is the place to make it happen.

Some of them already have; most of the high-class bars in Aisle 10 were first discovered here. And that means the urgent explanations and smiles at each booth weren't just from lack of bathroom breaks; each carefully sliced sample had the potential to turn into a business card and a steady supply contract. For a small artisnal chocolate maker, that means a lifeline of money to develop into a larger artisanal chocolate maker, hopefully without sacrificing the artisanal part.

But with so many exhibitors, hopeful tasters didn't need the to be a corporate scout to tell the incredible from the merely brown. Good chocolate should be crisp and flavorful, smooth and glossy, with no trace of grittiness. It should melt on minimal contact and leave no bitter aftertaste. A perfect example: show standout Rechiuti, serving up plate after plate of jasmine and raspberry truffle slices, swapping business cards and promises to talk further almost as fast as they sold their $5 mini-boxes.

At Serendipitea the samples of fragrant chocolate tea infusions spilled out across the table, while next door, Sweetriot waved around signs and chocolate-covered cacao nibs. As the new cool thing, tea flavoring was also the theme at L.A. Burdick Chocolate where a tea-infused dark chocolate sat next to glossy catalogs and small white chocolate penguins and mice. On the other side of the hall, Gustaux distributed some truly outstanding simple truffles, and Romanico's Chocolate bravely touted it's low-sugar version.

Those taking a break from pure chocolate could buy a perfectly spiced fig dipped to look like a pumpkin from John and Kira's, or try desert wine tasting from the ever-pleasing Quady liquors. Not cutting-edge enough? Coppeneur offered small, crunchy cocoa pods dusted with chili powder.

Some of the better-known manufacturers were already reaping the benefits of a larger operation and brand name; the Japanese chocolatiers Mary's attracted an absolutely rabid crowd. By early Saturday afternoon they had sold out of golden sesame and sweet potato truffles; and their black sesame seed and green tea ganache was rapidly disappearing. Behind the protective glass, harried pastry chefs struggled to fill orders of their popular seasonal flower line - violet, Japanese plum, lily of the valley, and iris.

For minimalist quality, the strong favorite in pure chocolate seemed to be Felchlin, with their hand-collected wild cocoa bars retailing at $20 each. Closely following them in taste and popularity, Michel Cluizel Chocolates traded their spicy, full bodied samples and catalogs in equal numbers.

I stumbled from the Metropolitan Pavilion in a stupor, vitamin deficient and babbling of cocoa consistency and flavor infusions. Luckily, there was time to find a salad before the inevitable sugar crash and coma set in.

Much thanks to fud writers amg and jay for being good sports.

Misogynist Milk Chocolate, or, Mine Candybar Doth Protest Too Much

I go to the grocery store almost every day, looking for something to cook for dinner. Sometimes inspiration strikes – top sirloin on sale, a strange new vegetable to try, et cetera, but then there are the rare moments when an item just LEAPS! off the shelf, demanding purchase. So it was today, when I stumbled across Nestlé’s Yorkie bars.

As you might guess, I had to buy one. I mean, really, sexist candy? I checked the ingredients for some hint as to this bar’s manliness, and found the following: milk chocolate, raisins, flour, and sugar. That’s it: milk chocolate with raisins and cookie crumbs.

Besides white chocolate, which doesn’t even count, milk chocolate is the un-manliest kind out there, and I just don’t see how dry, shriveled grapes could possibly suggest anything complimentary to anyone’s machismo.

As for the taste, Yorkie is nothing special. The chocolate is better quality than you’d find in a Hershey’s bar, and I have nothing bad to say about adding raisins and cookie to it, but the result is just … fine. Not something I need to spend $2 for over a $0.55 pack of Raisinettes and maybe a $0.45 cookie. And definitely not something that makes me feel all manly and ready for a fight. A beer, perhaps, but girls drink that too.

Experimental Sauce

Upon noting that the farmers market was charging a mere $0.49 per pound for baby bok choi, I decided that it was time to attempt a recreation of a dish I had a few years ago. The dish was roasted duck breast with baby bok choi in a vodka-hoisin sauce. Being a grad student, I can't afford duck, especially for a first try of a new dish, so I figured I'd just do the bok choi.

A second catch: upon arriving home, I realized that the only vodka I have is of the flavored variety....ew. I figured, "I'm making this up anyways, why not make it up some more?" and I did. The results were quite tasty, and the sauce is one that I plan on keeping around for a number of dishes in the future.

Steam about 2 pounds of baby bok choi, rinse with cold water (and ice, if possible) and set aside.

In a mixing cup, mix 2 parts hoisin sauce (I used Lee Kum Kee), one part shochu (good luck finding this in the US - substitute vodka or sake if needed), and one part vegetable stock. Heat the mixture and stir until fully blended. Adjust proportions until it tastes good.

To serve, you can do what I did, or what I would rather have done.

What I did:
Cut bok choi in half, put in a large bowl, and toss with the sauce.

What I would rather have done:
Arrange bok choi on a serving dish, and drizzle sauce over them.

Enjoy!

Holy crap! Kangaroo! Finally! .!!

It's juicy and delicious! It's environmentally sound and low in calories! Yes, to everyone who wanted to know where to buy Kangaroo when we ran the initial article a couple months ago, your entreaties have been heard!

I swear I searched for hours with no luck, when apparently all I should have done was try the simplest URL I could think of. The aptly-named Exotic Meats store (www.exoticmeats.com) have all the Kangaroo muscle protein you desire. As long as what you desire are patties and sausages.

Now, granted, those may indeed be two of the best ways to experience these bouncy marsupials, but if you were hoping for a long-legged steak, you're still out of luck. In which case, allow me to suggest some antelope, elk, caribou, or rattlesnake- all of which can be provided here. Hey, is that an alligator/crocodile sampler? Well, I didn't want to pay rent this month anyway.

It looks like shipping to DC is expensive but it could be worse- I say group up with some friends and place one large order, then split the shipping costs. Don't have any friends? Buy some.

Update: Between the time I wrote this and the time I'm posting it, they just started offering Kangaroo Striploin, which I think is a lovely, delicate, and most importantly, un-ground muscle (someone correct me?). So now you really don’t have any excuse.

Farmers' Market Finds

It's kind of amazing I've lived in Courthouse for a year and never made it to the Arlington Farmers' Market (which during the summer is operating 8 a.m. to noon Saturdays). Now that I've been, I won't continue to neglect the place.

The market is considered a "Producer's Market", which means all the participants have to have made or grown all their products. And what an array of products it is!

Saturday's trip was profitable. Blackberries. Peach Lemonade. Horseradish Cheddar. Purple peppers. Short ribs. You name it, I threw it in my backpack for the bike-ride home (I'm going to need to get a basket one of these days).

Here are a couple recipes using my Farmer's Market loot. But I highly recommend you check it out, whether you're in the market for homemade soap, corn on the cob or that delicious sorbet that everyone lines up to try.

Blackberry polenta cake
I used 2 tbl sugar and found that I wanted a sweeter cake, so I'm upping the recipe. If it does not come out as sweet as you'd like, top with maple syrup, as I did

1 cup fresh blackberries from farmer's market
1 cup flour
1 cup dry polenta
4 tbl sugar
2.5 tsp baking powder
about a tsp salt
2 eggs, beaten
1 cup milk or buttermilk
1/4 cup butter, melted

Blend dry and wet ingredients separately, and then together. Pour into pie pan. Add blackberries, spread out evenly throughout pie. Bake at 400 for approx 20-25 minutes.

Stacked Eggplant Parmesan
breadcrumbs
2 eggs, beaten
2 large purple eggplants from farmer's market
half a large ball of fresh mozzarella from farmer's market
1 can diced tomatoes
handful basil from farmer's market
Italian spices of your choice
olive oil

In saucepan, combine tomatoes, basil, spices and a touch of olive oil and simmer as you prepare eggplant. Preheat oven to 375.

While sauce is simmering, peel eggplant and slice into rounds. Dip in egg, than coat with breadcrumbs. Brown in oil.

Stack eggplant circles with little slices of mozzarella in between each round in square baking pan.

Pour sauce over eggplant stacks.

Bake for approximately 30 minutes. Serve with pasta or as sandwiches.

Basil/Arugula Pesto
Pine nuts will certainly work with this recipe; I just happened to have almonds on hand

1 cup basil from farmer's market, packed
1 cup arugula from farmer's market, packed
about 1/2 cup olive oil
about 1/4 cup almonds, ground
2 garlic cloves
1/2 cup romano cheese

Chop argula and basil in food procesor. Add nuts and garlic, then cheese, then oil in a steady stream until desired consistency is reached. Serve room temperature over pasta, spread over bread, etc.

From West Marin To The World

One of the best things about having gone to culinary school in San Francisco is that there really is no other place in this country where everything comes so neatly together. There are three world-class wine regions within an hour's drive, there are all sorts of fresh seafood (both fin and shell fish) coming in from the Pacific ocean and the San Francisco bay, and best of all, California has all sorts of farmers' markets where local farmers will sell their wares. Even the local 7-11 carries varieties of food and wine that you have to go to Dean & Deluca to get here.

While I was out there, I indulged in the guilty pleasure of practically every other chef in town: cheese. For most of us, Whole Foods served as our local dealer (really, it is very similar to crack cocaine, you give the guy behind the counter a ten-spot, and he gives you a "rock" of the latest and greatest cheese they have). It was at a local market that I became aware of one of the best cheese-makers in the Bay area: Cowgirl Creamery. Founded by two women that were no strangers to the culinary world, Cowgirl Creamery quickly gained a very good reputation for turning out some of the tastiest cheeses around, simply by being extremely fussy over the ingredients they chose to use.

In addition to a very tasty creme fraiche, the folks at cowgirl creamery make a very addictive cottage cheese (we're not talking Breakstone's here), and a classic fromage blanc to round out their fresh cheeses. As for their aged cheeses, I like the Mount Tam (named for Mt. Tamalpais in the north bay), and the St. Pat, which is their seasonal spring cheese, wrapped in stinging nettle leaves (the leaves are washed and frozen first to remove the sting), which impart a smoky artichoke flavour. Their Pierce Point cheese, which is only produced in the fall and winter, is washed in a muscato wine, and rolled in dried herbs from the Tomales bay coastal region, which produces a complex yet not overpowering cheese.

The reason I'm telling you all of this is because the women that founded Cowgirl Creamery are originally from this area, and they have just opened a store in the Penn Quarter of the district (right down the street from the newly renovated Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery). In addition to cheese, their store here also sells charcuterie (cured meats, among other things), local breads, and wines. Check it out!

Cowgirl Creamery
919 F Street NW
Washington, DC 20004
(202) 393-6880

The Ballston Farmer's Market Report

The Ballston Farmer’s Market debuted last summer, and only had a few vendors. This year, the market is back with many more vendors. The market is open Fridays 11am until 3pm, through October 13. It is interesting that this particular market does not have many produce vendors.

Sunnyside Farms sells organic produce, apple cider, and flowers.

I am very impressed with Firefly Farms goat cheeses. They are some of the best I’ve had, and all of Firefly Farms cheeses have won awards. Besides the cheeses listed here, they also brought two spreadable cheeses today. One is sweet and has ginger, almond, and honey, and the other is savory, and has sun dried tomato, herbs de Provence, and roasted garlic. Check here for a list of stores and restaurants that carry or use their products.

Baguette Republic of Falls Church is also present, and a good selection of hearty breads. They also sell at the Clarendon Farmer's Market.

I have been eyeing Virginia Lamb’s stand, but have not yet purchased their products.

I have tried Old Pioneer’s Kitchen’s Argentine Chorizo, and chimichurri sauce. Both were good, although unlike theirs, the Argentine-style sausages I am used do not contain both pork and beef. I hear that their Mexican chorizo is good as well.

Arondo of Hondo Coffee owns a plantation in Honduras, and roasts the beans in Stafford, Va. They sell several roasts, and the coffee is quite good. And, the coffee smells so good.

Dick’s Kitchen makes and sells various sauces, jellies, seasonings, and chutneys. His “Oh My God, Oh My God” hot sauce was sampled at a gathering of DCFUD writers. I believe that DCFUD's editor has promised an article about that particular hot sauce tasting. :)

Great Harvest Bread Company in Alexandria is at this market as well. I have a friend that loves their biscotti.

Virginia Green Grocer and Grace’s Pastries are present as well, although I have not tried their products.

The market also has live music at noon, and cooking demonstrations from area restaurants at 1:30 pm. Today, 1 Gen Thai Cuisine (a new Ballston restaurant) demonstrated several dishes. They made chicken satays, fried rice, and somethign similar to a vietnamese summer roll. Willow has already demonstrated dishes on two occasions, and Sangam Restaurant was featured last week.

And…I saved the best for last…many of these vendors provide samples. Firefly Farms, Baguette Republic, Grace’s Pastries, Hondo Coffee, and Great Harvest Bread Company have samples on their tables. Dick’s Kitchen has samples of some products, but you have to ask for them. And, you get to sample the dishes that are featured during the cooking demonstrations.

Splendid Competition

Any reader worth her Kosher salt knows our obsessive coverage of all things Splenda. Yet, it seems there are those out there who still do not embrace the joy of hydroxyl-chlorine substitution. How could this be?

Perhaps it's Splenda's dubious history: Two scientists in England were trying to create an insecticide. One asked the other to test the new white powder they'd concocted. In accordance with official Crappy English Humor laws, it was misheard as a request to taste it. Thus, sucralose was born.

As a humorous footnote to that story, Splenda has since been tested on numerous cute squeaky things…to delicious results!

But if we still haven't convinced you, here are some other low-cal powders to dust on your latte.

Xylitol - Also called Birch sugar, this stuff comes from raspberries, plums, corn, and, yes, birch. But to wrap your tongue around this sweet substitute, you'll have to go to Finland, its 'home country'. Also Japan and South Korea, if you're willing to stick with gum. I think Trident uses it too.

Pro: Repairs cavities, osteoporosis, and ear infections, no I'm totally serious.

Con: Wait for it…it's a laxative. Oh, and can cause loss of coordination, depression and seizures.

Maltitol - It doesn't decay teeth and has less calories. And it can be synthesized from regular everyday starch.

Pro: 'Baked goods'

Cons: 'Gastric Distress'

Isomalt - Like sucrolose, it's also produced from sugar. Unlike sucrolose, it has about the same volume too- Find this stuff in Candy, coffee, and chocolate.

Pros: Also repairs cavities, feeds good bacteria in the system, and of course, it's sweet.

Cons: Still has a decent chunk of calories, and has to be mixed with another sweetener to get it to sugar levels. And diarrhea

Stevia - Actually a type of herb, the 'steviosides' in it are 300 times sweeter than sugar. Folks go crazy for it in Japan, but you can also smuggle it in from China, Korea, Thailand, Malaysia, Israel, and parts of South America.

Pros: Well, the US has labeled it unsafe at the request of an 'anonymous food complainant'. As the various lawsuits against Splenda have proven, these always turn out to be actually filed by the competition. If Sweet n' Low is worried, you can probably be pretty sure it's good.

Cons: A faaaaint possibility of depressed male vitality. If you get paranoid about Mountain Dew, this ain't the sweetener for you.

Milk in the Raw. Part 1

‘Th’state says I can’t sell that to you’

I c’n do that…

In southern Virginia there has been an unlikely meeting of the minds on the subject of organic farming. The hippies do it to live a natural lifestyle and to take power away from the man. The far right does it for the same reason they homeschool: ‘ I jus’ wouldn’t put that stuff they sell into my kids.’

Raw, organic, unpasteurized, non-homogenized milk may not be for kids or pregnant folks, and of course, technically it’s illegal. As a rule of thumb, drink without guilt if you’re comfortable eating chocolate mousse; the infection risk is about the same as that posed by raw egg whites (tho the diseases can be worse). This is what we did with the raw milk of Louisa the Jersey cow:

We drank it. Raw milk tastes like a thin, sweet, milkshake.

Then we skimmed off the top layer of cream...

...and yeah, we whipped it up and stuck it on pie and in some coffee and stuff, but mostly, we made butter. Here’s how it’s done.

All-natural, organic, silky, wonderful butter
If you aren’t lucky enough to have an entrepreneurial farmer nearby, I suggest starting with heavy organic cream. Get the most natural, hormone-free stuff you can find. I know Whole Foods has it, not raw but as close as you can buy ‘round here.

Pour about 2 pints...or as much as you want really, into a blender. I found out the hard way that using regular beaters doesn't cut it. Blend on high for about 7 minutes. First it will whip up, then it'll deflate back down and start getting all grainy-looking.

Bacteria 4 U

Where oh where did American yogurt go so wrong? How come mostly all that is sold is a uber-sweet fruit flavored cup of gelatin-filled pudding or chalky-thin no-fat Dannon plain? Whatever happened to tangy, creamy, healthy, dairy fresh-tasting yogurt? Like the kind that is sold in every store in Europe?

Happily, about a year ago I suddenly became aware of Greek yogurt. Where it was before that I have no idea. I had never heard of it and then ... it was everywhere, in every Whole Foods, natural foods store, Trader Joe's and upscale grocery. It comes in full fat, 2%, and no-fat tubs, not individual serve cups, and (I swear this is not a prepaid ad) is called Fage Total Greek yogurt brand. It is supposed to be the #1 brand actually sold in Greece. There is no excuse to ever buy the thin chalky or yucky sweet stuff again. Ever.

First of all Fage yogurt still has all the active microorganisms that commercial yogurt manages to kill in the processing. You know, the stuff that originally made yogurt a (maybe THE) original Health Food. Now Dannon its promoting its (fruit filled, sugary) Activa brand - yippee, big deal. Its hook is that one of Dannon's huge line is actually what is supported to be - yogurt that still has live acidophilus bacteria to support and maintain a healthy digestive tract.

Second, Total is VERY thick and very creamy. It is an excellent substitute for sour cream, thin cream cheese, or even mayo in many recipes. If you want sweet or fruity just add some jam or sugar (try brown - lovely!) Their website does list fruit-flavored ones but I've never seen any except the plain, so maybe they are sold only in Greece. I actually like the full-fat but the others are much superior to other low or no-fat yogurt. Truly delicious. Wish I knew how to say that in Greek.

BTW, Trader Joe's does have a line of its own of Greek and also what they call Mediterranean yogurt. Not bad -- but not as good as Fage Total. Sorry Joe.

This post is by bacteria activist and guest blogger MHF

Ask a Chef: Better Burgers, Beef, and Veal

Doug asks: Why it is that my burgers never turn out to be "restaurant quality" when I grill?

Chef Yaneev writes: This, actually, is a very common question. Generally, people who have burgers that aren't quite what they expected tend to make one of two mistakes. They're either making their patties too big (which is bad because by the time the middle of the patty is cooked to temperature, the outside is charred beyond belief – a good burger should be no more than three-quarters of an inch thick), or they're using beef that is too lean (see the tip in my last post about fat).

Joanne asks: Is it necessary to sear meat in hot fat before stewing or braising it in broth or water?

Chef Yaneev writes: Many chefs have different reasons for doing this (or not doing it). One common answer is that this "locks in the juices." Unfortunately, that's not true. The reason that those chefs who opt to sear meat do so is because searing meat gets the outside of the meat hot enough to brown, which adds flavour. Any food cooked solely in water or broth never gets hotter than the boiling point of water (212 degrees Farenheit at sea level). Browning in fat allows the outside of the meat to reach much higher temperatures - usually 300 to 500 degrees. Those high temperatures quickly create intense flavours, rich brown colours, and crackling crusts. This is due to a chemical reaction called the Maillard reaction, where carbohydrates react chemically with amino compounds in proteins to create browning, deeper flavours, and great aromas. Personally, I always sear meat before stewing or braising it. Some chefs disagree, but hey, the flavour difference is certainly there.

Rob asks: If veal is essentially young beef, shouldn't it be thought of as a more tender "cut" (i.e. more suitable for drier cooking methods)? Why is it that almost every recipe I've seen for veal involves moist cooking methods?

Chef Yaneev writes: Have you ever noticed that at a lot of restaurants, veal isn't really done right, and winds up tasting like you're eating a tire? That's because they usually use drier cooking methods. Veal has a high proportion of connective tissue to muscle fiber because the young animal has not had time to put on extra weight. However, because it's a young animal, veal's connective tissue is more soluble than that in beef. Cooking veal with moisture (i.e. a moist cooking method) therefore makes sense because it allows that connective tissue to soften.

Got a food question you'd like me to answer? Send them into to dcfud.writers@gmail.com, and I'll answer them in my Ask a Chef column.

Hot tips

Since this is my first posting for DCFüd, what better way to start than a post about one of my true loves in life: barbecue. Of course, now that summer is pretty much here, people will be firing up the grills and enjoying that great summer flavour. As a professional chef I have opportunity to see some of the best and worst of barbecue ideas, so I thought I'd post some tips here.

Use The Right Heat For The Job. There are two types of heat for food on a grill – direct and indirect. With direct heat, you spread your coals out evenly (or cook directly over the burner on a gas grill), and cook directly over the hot coals. This works very well for burgers, hot dogs, and items that don't cook for all that long. With indirect heat, you pile your coals to one or both sides of the grill, and leave the middle empty (or switch the side burners on, and leave the middle off) or with a pan for drippings. You'd then put your food in the middle, so the heat is more even. This works for foods like chicken, that typically cook for longer.

Fat Is Good. While most health-care professionals will advise you to limit your fat intake, when you're barbecuing, you need to choose meats that have good marbling. Fat will keep the meat moist over the high heat, which will prevent it from drying out (chicken and/or turkey should always be grilled with the skin on – you can always take it off before eating it). When grilling any kind of meat with a fat cap, always start the grilling fat side up. Turn it over about three-fourths of the way through.

Avoid Excessive Flipping. Give your food time to cook, and don't be worried about it. This is especially true for burgers and steaks, which should only be flipped once. Any more than that, and you lose the juices in the meat. If you're using the right heat method, you won't need to flip very often.

Try New Things. Try grilling some fish, or vegetables. Yes, even the vegetables you don't like take on a whole different flavour when they're grilled, so why not try some veggie kebabs? For a really nice touch, grill some fresh fruit (not for very long, mind you, but just enough to accent the natural sweetness of the fruit). That works for everything except watermelon (and to eat watermelon any way other than the normal way is just downright un-American if you ask me).

This post is by Guest Blogger Yaneev. Thanks, mister!

Reluctant health, day 10

Today's Haiku:
I dreamed of cupcakes
Covered in chocolate sprinkles.
My pillow's missing

Today's Lunch spot:
Jonathan's Gourmet Deli - This place takes their salads very seriously.

Today's recipe: Spicy Potato Skins

4 large potatoes
1/4 cup olive oil
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1-1/2 teaspoons chili powder
1-1/2 teaspoons curry powder
1-1/2 teaspoons ground coriander seed

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Bake the potatoes for 1 hour. Slice the potatoes in half lengthwise, and let them cool for 10 minutes. Scoop out most of the insides, leaving about 1/4 inch of squish against the potato skin. Cut each potato into three pieces and brush with olive oil. Combine the salt and the spices and sprinkle the mixture over the potatoes. Bake the potato skins for 15 minutes or until they are crispy and brown.

Sensational Splenda

Fud's obsession with Splenda is a beautiful thing, especially on dry news days when we can't be bothered to, you know, write anything real.

But if you thought we were ridiculous, check out Dr. Janet Starr Hull's book: Splenda®: Is It Safe Or Not?.

Now, no one gives something a title like that if the answer is "why yes, yes it is, completely harmless. Sorry to cause the fuss". But this book doesn't stop there, it promises to save your children from toxins, and identify the cause of 'vague health symptoms that puzzle your doctor'. I deeply suspect it will also walk your dog, reconcile you with your ex, and make your teenage son love you again.

It's only deep into the website that the true oddness pops up- Hull is a Saccarine fan! Yes, despite the 'misleading report 20 years ago' that it causes cancer, Saccarine and not Splenda is the answer to all your problems. In case you didn't get the picture, she advocates you to use the packet's color coding: Yellow(Splenda) means caution, whereas the happy pink of Sween n' Low means sweet safety!

Yet, this is only the second book that our good doctor has published. Her first one is "Sweetpoison", a book on the dangers of Aspartame (NutraSweet). its description is surprisingly similar.

I can't help feeling like maybe Dr. Hull, who lists her qualifications as ".. Licensed Certified Nutritionist, certified fitness professional, author and aspartame victim", should maybe be taken with a grain of salt.

Come for the brownies, stay for the show.

Many people spend their whole life searching for perfection; the perfect outfit, the perfect diet, the perfect job. I am proud to say that, while I have yet to find perfection in any of the above, I have located the perfect brownie. It is a thick and rich brownie, with a moist, fudgy, faintly chewy interior. There are walnuts too! The top is a thin layer of chocolate, with mini marshmallows and caramel swirls.

However, this brownie is difficult to procure. It can only be purchased during four periods a year, with each period composed of 4 days. In addition, it is a costly brownie, ranging from $26 for students up to $135. There is also a dress code to buy the brownie; black tie is not required, however a certain amount of formality is defiantly de rigueur.

At this point you may be wondering if the brownies are gold-plated, or made by Julia Child (the latter would be particularly interesting as she is dead). However the truth is less exciting. You see, with every brownie purchased, one gets to see a free performance of the Baltimore Opera Company. Or, to put it another way, you can only buy the brownies at the dessert pavilion at the Baltimore Opera company during the intermission of one of the performances. Attempts to convince to the BO staff to let the author simply run in and purchase a brownie have been unsuccessful thus far. Attempts to discover the source of the brownies has met equal results. Thus, this brave author every couple of months puts on her high heels and pearls, purchases a ticket, and travels to the opera house to buys her brownie. And usually stays for the show.

Questionable content

When its been a long day of polishing your wooden leg, beating up ninjas, and feeding the parrot, all your standard pirate desires is an uncrowded car on the Red Line and a chicken sandwich. Well, the uncrowded car part is relatively easy compared to the insurmountable task of finding a good chicken sandwich in DC. Shiver me timbers indeed, what be this on me Kaiser? It be th' dreaded CHICKEN PRODUCT.

Oh, that greasy sensation of biting into a salty, lukewarm, sponge. Those air bubbles where no air bubbles should be. That flat, oblong shape; inside every mammal's brain, no matter now indoctrinated, there is the knowledge that chicken breast should not have right-angles.

But besides being completely disgusting and inedible, what's in this stuff?

Chicken skin is the prime ingredient in most chicken product, ripped off by factory workers before the rest of the chicken is processed. Skin is often the only part of the chicken present, but even that could be as low as 16% of what makes up a finished patty.

Protein slurry: created by forcing carcasses that have already been stripped of skin and meat through a wire mesh. Any actual muscle product, (and also nerve matter, cartilage, and bone) gets added in this way

Water: to plump up this stuff, it goes through a process called 'tumbling' where salt water is forced into the matter. This makes it take up more space.

Cow and pork hide, bone, and ligaments: the water would just drip out again without these important stabilizers

Soybeans: vegetarians will be glad to know that most of the chicken product's volume is actually made from this legume. It's the only way to give it any other texture besides 'liquid'. However, to make this stuff taste right, you have to first flavor it with...

A huge amount of MSG, sugar, maltodextrin, lactose and other flavoring chemicals: after all, soybeans aren't known for their chickeny taste. The sugar also helps neutralize the salt water we already used to give it some volume.

Anti-foaming agent (polydimethylsiloxane): it's a type of silicone. I don't know what that is, but it sounds pretty scary.

Leavening agents: sodium bicarbonate or yeast to add more volume. I'm guessing that must be what causes the freaky air bubbles

Xanthan gum, phosphates, and other emulsifiers, binders, and stabilizers: it's the only way to glue the proteins, water, and fat from stratifying out of solution.

Lots of banned antibiotics: at least in Europe, a lot of chicken product comes in through Asia to bypass EU laws on harmful substances. Anyone know if this is true in the US?

Citric acid: a preservative. It almost sounds wholesome at this point.

I'm not really sure what pirates had to do with any of this. -z

A little buffalo in your cup

Milk gets squirted out of a cow, whittled down to 2%, and poured into my tea. Or a bowl of cereal, or a batch of mac and cheese, but the point is, it comes from a large female cow and gets processed. But it doesn’t have to. In India, neither cow, nor processing are any part of what ends up in my Earl Grey, and it tastes fabulous. And why is that? Unpansteurized, Roamin’ Buffalo Milk.

This stuff is lower in cholesterol, has more proteins and minerals, and more lactoferrin, lysozyme,and lactoperoxidase than cow milk. And who doesn’t want more lactoperoxidase! But the best thing about buffalo-excretion is a lower water content. Remember how good it tastes when Thai restaurants use condensed milk? Now imagine that, but thicker. Incidentally, it’s what makes Buffalo Mozzarella so nifty.

But what about processing? Well, it isn’t, and that means that buffalo milk is so fatty and thick that you could practically stand a spoon up in it, the entire surface covered with globules like chicken soup.

My point here is a recent realization that all Chai I’ve ever had is wrong. Real Chai is thick and rich with fatty buffalo milk, not the thin, limp-tasting white-liquid-with-cinnamon that passes at Starbucks. But no fear! Here is how to thicken your chai, buffalo-style (without a handy buffalo)

Buffalo-esque Chai
Mix together a piece of cushed ginger, a crushed piece of cinnamon, a tablespoon peppercorns, a teaspoon of vanilla, 6 cloves, 2 tsp cardamom, 2 whole star anise, a tsp fennel seeds, a teaspoon aniseed, and half a tsp nutmeg.

Boil three cups of water and add 4 Assam teabags. Then add the spice mixture and simmer for 20 mins.

Now here’s the tough part. Add 3.5 cups of cows milk. Bring everything to a boil and then immediately turn down the heat. Then bring it to a boil again, and turn it down. Repeat that maybe 3 or 4 times and the result should be just as thick and creamy as if you were swimming in buffalos.

Sweeten it with honey, strain, and serve. Buffalo-rific

Nifty rosemary stuff

Not to be too Martha Stewart, but how great of an idea is this: Take a rosemary branch, rip off all the needles except a little tuft at the tip, and use the leftover aromatic stick as a skewer, like for kababs or something. Isn’t that the coolest idea in the world? Alright, I thought it was cool.

Update: Apparently everyone in the world knew this trick except for me

Just eat the Kangaroo

You’re ecologically sensitive when it comes to coagulated animal protein. You purchase only free-range organic beef and Kosher chicken. You chew on venison jerky, and wax ecstatic over ostrich whenever Whole Foods has it in stock.

And yet, even the head of Sierra Club isn’t as ecologically minded as an average Australian. There are recycling boxes next to each and every public garbage can and Tasmania is all set to become the first plastic bag-free state in the world. Add to this the perfect meat source: almost no fat, low in environmental impact, sustainable, organic, free range, and tasty. I am in fact talking about Kangaroo.

Oh don’t look at me like that. You’ve defied your Disney conditioning enough to eat venison, and these tasty marsupials don’t even have their own cutesy movie.

Culling of natural predators has resulted in a huge overpopulation. They have few of the parasites and diseases present in domestic animals like cows and sheep, and, while animals with hooves kill off vegetation and cause erosion, the famous kangaroo bounce keeps soil healthy. It’s practically our duty to barbeque, roast, and sauté these furry meat-bags.

Five species of kangaroo are currently harvested in Australia by small, local suppliers. It’s the type of cottage industry that would make any hippie proud. Even conservation groups agree that upping kangaroo farming would help out with environmental revitalization efforts.

And anyway, it’s juicy and tender and tasty, and really good. The American Heart Association agrees, but more for the low fat content and high vitamins. And it’s coming soon. Oh yes. It’s helping out with the “Russian Meat shortage”. It’s surging in Europe thanks to the Foot and Mouth epidemic a few years ago. And now, the US.

Finally, an Australian export that doesn’t wear a silly hat. Try some, extra rare

The Splenda saga continues...in technicolor

Holy Crap! That was the only possible reaction when I found out that Splenda had just released a Brown Sugar version. So many new ways to cause cranial bleeding and liver failure! But it was not to be- the new brown sugar is just a blend- regular brown sugar mixed with regular Splenda. You could make it yourself by stealing the little yellow packets from Starbucks and mixing them with molasses.

Unsurprisingly, the sales pitch for the new mix made half from regular sugar is....that it has half the calories of regular sugar. Tomorrow’s headlines: I can make my butter half vegan by adding 50% margarine to it.

Cooking Revelation

It's true that the biggest revelation is the simplest. J and I went to Eastern Market one day to make a summery meal. So we bought basil, heirloom tomatoes and fresh pasta. We also bought 15 lemons, as we now find ever more excuses to use our electric citrus juicer. Many mojitos and mimosas have been made using the FRESH citrus juice; this along with lemon cakes, hummus and guacamole (all dishes that require fresh citrus).

So of course we wanted to make lemonade in honor of the summer bounty. After juicing a whole bunch of lemons, we didn't feel like making simple syrup. "If only we had superfine sugar!" we whined. And upon further thought, we realized that we DID have superfine sugar. Unprocessed superfine sugar (read: granulated). If superfine sugar is simply finely ground sugar, why can't we throw batch in the food processor. Doesn't a food processor grind things?

I'm happy to say that our theory was correct. We made out first, very large batch of superfine sugar and it dissolved into our lemonade wonderfully. We are still drinking our way through the huge pitcher of lemonade, but are looking forward to making individual glasses with the superfine sugar. Individual glasses work better with superfine sugar, since it just seems silly to simmer 1/2 cup of water with 1/2 cup of sugar.

Experimental Slaw

Summer is coming to an end, and considering the awful humidity and the fact that it no longer means vacation for me, I am thrilled.

Except, of course, that it means the days of cookouts and picnics will soon end as well, and I do love me some barbeque. A staple of the American cookout or picnic is cole slaw - a dish I must admit I really love.

The best I ever had was, confusingly, at a restau cafe shack on the island of Anegada in the
BVI's. I remember it being a bit spicy, and loving it.

Earlier this summer, I was preparing to go to a barbeque, and had decided to make cole slaw - something I had not previously attempted. I bought pre-shredded cabbage (as I'm lazy), and followed the recipie on the bag. Borrrrrrinnnggg. I rummaged around my kitchen, and found a few things that seemed like they might be good additions: serrano peppers and caraway seeds. I edited my slaw, and headed to the party. I thought it was really good, but then, I like things spicy; others thought it was too much.

Some consideration and weeks later, I found myself again making cole slaw for a barbeque, and again with only the dull back-of-bag recipie. This time, I went in a different direction - letting summer in the
Carribbean color my imaginings. This time, I used cherry peppers (not as hot as serrano), vidalia onion instead of white, allspice, white pepper, and much less caraway. The result tasted good to me, and seemed to be a hit (or at least quickly consumed) at the party.

The two recipies are below, with estimates of what I used (I guess that makes them 'guidelines' as opposed to 'recipies,' whatever):

1 lb. bag of Fresh Express 3-color coleslaw (green cabbage, carrots, red cabbage)
1/2 white onion, minced in food processor
4 Serrano peppers, minced (I used a food processor)
.75 tbs. caraway seeds – bruised but not ground with pestle
3 tbs. lemon juice
3 tbs. mayonnaise
2 tbs. red wine vinegar
1 tbs. salt
3.5 tbs. pepper
1 tbs. garlic salt

----------------------

1 lb. bag of Fresh Express 3-color coleslaw (green cabbage, carrots, red cabbage)
3 hot cherry peppers, minced (I used a food processor)
1/2 vidalia onion, minced in food processor
1 tsp. caraway seeds – bruised but not ground with pestle
2 tbs allspice seeds, crushed with mortar and pestle
3 tbs. lemon juice
3 tbs. mayonnaise
3 tbs. red wine vinegar
1 tbs. salt
2 tbs. white pepper

Seriously passionate

Passion fruit! Often imitated, rarely tasted! You can smell it across the room! Tongue may require intensive care afterwords! The oral equivalent of jumping into glacier water but without the detrimental size effects! Like biting into a sweet citrusy chili!

Yes, Passion fruit is bloody incredible. But here are a few other fruits I�ve just tried on my lunch break that I�d previously only had as Fruit Rollup flavors, or at best, a Snapple

Custard apple - Can�t use the local water to make your jello pudding? This, yes, custardy feeling fruit can easily fill in. Doesn�t taste like much, but acts like pudding.

Breadfruit � Be sure to wait until this fragrant fruit�s flesh is ripe and creamy, or face the horror of a starchy tongue

Lychees � Get �em fresh or packed in syrup! Soak in sweet white wine for a nifty desert! Eat em whole! Eat em jellied! Just eat some lychees, dammit.

Rambutan - Or, if you can�t eat a lychee, get their hairier neighbor. Sure to cause serious freaking out for all males who see you munching.

Papaya � This one is borderline known in the US. Scoop �em out with a spoon. Wusses sprinkle with brown sugar.

Langsat � Looks like a potato, feels like a tough grape, tastes like heaven.

Dragon fruit � Another custardy fruit, the outside is pretty, the inside is a homogeneous grainy white and black-flecked mush for your slurping pleasure.

Durian � This fruit smells so bad that its actually outlawed in public areas of Thailand. But on one follows that pesky �stop for red lights� rule either. Tastes like a a buttery avocado peach. Don�t eat the outside.

Mangosteen � The inside of this pretty little thing looks like a hairless albino tarantula curled up and died in it. Luckily, it tastes a bit better. Kinda like a lychee.

Guava � Juicy, acid, and flavorful. Like yo� mamma.

Aloe vera: For external use only, maybe

I always feel like I should earn a badge for trying things I had previously believed to be unfit for human consumption. The Suriname cherries growing across the street from my apartment, alligator, salmon skin -- they all make me feel a little bit braver for having held my nose and swallowed. And so I feel that R.J. and I deserve awards for our foray into the world of health and beauty product consumption. To wit: the �Aloe Vera Dessert� we picked up at Rockville�s Oriental Market a few Sundays ago. Its snazzy packaging caught my eye with its shameless touting of various health benefits, and its squishy texture sealed the deal.

Later that night I broke out the bag, and, ignoring R.J.�s pleas not to be forced to eat it ('Would you make me eat Noxzema?' he pleaded), I divided the stuff into two bowls. I was expecting a jelly-like substance with the slices of aloe suspended wherein, so I was rather surprised when it turned out to be slices of aloe vera soaked in a liquid consisting mainly of water, sugar and Muscat flavoring. Upon trying it, we discovered that it really wasn�t that bad. The aloe itself was basically flavorless, but with a fibrous texture similar to that of bamboo shoots or yucca, only slimier. The Muscat flavoring was pleasant and not too sweet.

We breathed a sigh of relief, finished eating, and started to clean up, which is when the real fun began. R.J. asked me if my stomach felt ok, to which I responded that it felt fine, then looked over and noticed a very uncomfortable look on his face. I felt fine, but I think he would have been better off eating the Noxzema.

We spent some time disputing whether his cramps were a result of eating aloe but concluded nothing. Subsequent internet research confirmed that the aloe was the culprit -- apparently, though many claim that aloe vera consumption has myriad health benefits such as internal healing, suppressing asthma attacks, easing arthritis pain and inflammation, etc., its only clinically proven indication is as a laxative.

R.J. and I learned one important lesson that night: it is a good idea to do your research when about to eat something normally reserved for putting on burns and in hand lotion. That said, we also discovered that if one should need a little, erm, digestive assistance, aloe vera soaked in Muscat juice is quite a tasty alternative to Phillips (even the Chocolate Cr�me Soft Chews).

-- by E.B.D., guest blogger

Weird Ingredient

Some years ago I was introduced to this strange Chinese product - barbecue sauce. It isn't sweet or acid, its made of fish! I have never really understood why it was called Barbecue Sauce - Hoisin sauce is the closest Chinese sauce to what we think of as BBQ sauce and it does a fine job sweetening up a lot of my favorite dishes

Bruce Cost, in his invaluable book Asian Ingredients (a must own if your're interested in understanding Asian products) says," Not your everyday barbecue sauce, this intriguing oily paste called sha zha jiang consists of ground dried fish, chili peppers, shallots, garlic, dried shrimp, spices including coriander seeds, star anise and Sichuan peppercorns and sometimes peanuts" (though not in my favorite brand).

It's hard to know exactly what to do with this stuff. He says smear it on meat before broiling it (he gives a recipe that I haven't tried) or throw it into stir fried dishes. It is delicious and actually not at all fishy - hard to describe but actually addictive and the main ingredient in my most requested shrimp dish which I am called on to prepare several times a month.

My favorite brand is Bulls Head Barbecue Sauce by Haw-Di-I Foods from Taiwan, in a small jar or big can. Bruce Cost also recommends Lan Chi Brand Sa Cha Chaing, or Sze Chuan Foods T.F. Brand. There's an inch or so of oil at the top of the jar - DON'T mix it in, pour it off and then scrape up the paste. When done add some back to reserve the top so it doesn't dry out (so I was taught).

If anyone out there has used this and has any other ideas for what to do with this stuff I'd love to hear about it.

Spicy Shrimp

This recipe requires 1 lb large shrimp, cleaned and deveined (25-30 count) and salt whisked. To salt whisk: Place cleaned shrimp in a large bowl with 1 tsp kosher salt, Stir, allow to sit for a few minutes, rinse with cold water and drain. Blot. This can be repeated one more time, optional. BLOT DRY . They are now ready to use. This makes the shrimp more firm and crunchy.

1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
1 TB canola oil
1 tsp Asian chili garlic paste
1 clove garlic minced
1 tsp shaoxing wine
1 TB cornstarch
3 TB generous Chinese BBQ sauce

• Salt whisk and dry shrimp well. Mix remained of ingredients together being careful when measuring the BBQ sauce to only take the paste. Add shrimp, stir to coat well and marinate for 1/2 - 1 hour.

  
  

• Add 1 TB oil of a flat heavy frying pan. Spread shrimp flat on the fish for a couple of minutes - 3-4, without moving them, then turn to the other side and do the same until bright orange - they should be a little crunchy. Serve immediately.

• Or: Thread onto soaked bamboo skewers. Grill over medium on the broiler or outside grill.

-MHF, guest Blogger

(Note: You can buy it here -zaf)

Sushispeak Deciphered

I was recently at a Japanese restaurant with a huge menu of sushi (in Florida, so no use making a recommendation here). They nicely provided a separate translation for the some of the sushi ingredients on the menu. There were several that I'd never seen before written with their Japanese names. So...just in case you ever run into an incomprehensible sushi menu here's their list.

Tamago - egg

Inari - Sweet fried tofu

Kani - Crab

Saba - Japanese mackerel

Tai - Japanese red snapper

Ikura - Salmon egg

Masago - Smelt egg

Hotate - Scallop

Unagi - Smoked eel

Sake - Salmon

Tako - Octopus

Magura - Tuna

Anago - Smoked sea eel

Tobiko - Japanese caviar

Buri - Young yellowtail tuna

Uni - Sea urchin

Ama Ebi - Sweet shrimp

Ika - Squid

-MHF, guest Blogger

This looks like a job for... Superfood!

The word of the day is "superfood." As reported by CBS News, these are foods which are out to make you healthier. According to a survey taken by the Food Marketing Institute, the majority of shoppers choose their food based on health or nutritional claims. But, uh, looking around on the Metro, I'm not entirely convinced.

Can this be the new movement that will turn our society away from our wicked ways of fast food and preservatives? The piece of mistletoe that pierces the heart of the Burger King? Or is this all more smoke and mirrors dreamed up by some shadowy marketing department, miles away from the American heartland, rolling in their bank vaults full of money?

Is Senomyx the new Splenda?

Remember when how food tasted relied mainly on, well, how the food actually tasted? So last century!

The latest bombshell in the flavor-enhancement industry is Senomyx. Today's New York Times article talks up high hopes for its upcoming salt substitute.

From the official website, Senomyx is "a biotechnology company using proprietary taste receptor-based assays and screening technologies to discover and develop novel flavors and flavor enhancers for the packaged food and beverage industry."

Well, I don't care what they say, they just don't make proprietary taste receptor-based assays like my grandmother used to make.

Milk is infact milk

If antidisestablishmentarianism is opposition to the withdrawal of state support from a church, then surely unantilactaidconsumerism is the purpose of The Milk is Milk Website and Blog.

As children of the eighties we grew up with �Milk: It does the Body Good� and white mustached celebrities. Then, about five years ago came the dire warning of milk hormones causing cancer in women and the touting of soymilk, rice milk and other things that taste like cereal.

Well, The tug of war for consumer�s hearts and wallets continues and this means it must be the milk industry�s turn again. This is a really decent website for righteous indignation over all things milk slandering. They can use a phrase like �Sadly, activists and unscrupulous for-profit marketing groups have been attacking this important productivity tool� and actually mean it.

Pasta Shape Ratings

	Rigatoni Rigatoni is by far the superior pasta shape for hearty sauces. A meat sauce is great because you can scoop up the sauce into the pasta. Very simple tubular design, so it's aesthetics are pleasing to the minimalist. Perfect to snack on as well. San Giorgio has many small grooves along the pasta, making its texture much more pleasant than the Barilla brand with the wide grooves. A+
	Rotini Second only to rigatoni, rotini's spiral shape makes it an ideal sauce conveyor as well. The absence of the scooping factor makes it slightly inferior, but again it is easy and fun to snack on. Rotini is good for cream sauces and pasta salads in a way that rigatoni is not, because it won't cause the sauce to bubble out unexpectedly. Its design is fun, but a bit too complex to be regarded entirely as food. B+
	Angel Hair One of the weakest pasta choices. The chunky tomato sauces that I prefer don't stick to it well, and unless cooked precisely right it becomes a sticky mass of ugly noodles. It looks like intestines. C -
	Macaroni The poor white trash of the pasta family. Does it get any more boring than macaroni? Yankee Doodle was the best use of this pasta. Sure the ubiquitous cheese can be served just fine with this pasta, but other than being a college pantry staple, macaroni is a disgrace to the pasta family. D+
	Farfelle Vulgarized as "bow ties" this pasta is the most attractive to the eye. Who can resist a pasta salad made with farfelle? These butterflies are great in a chunky sauce with sausage. B

Reposted by MF, guest Blogger

How sweet

Following our continued coverage of all things artificially sweet, we bring to you the news that Splenda is counter-suing the Sugar Association for claiming that Splenda isn�t 100% super great for you.

Now, besides the freedom of speech issues here, Splenda sales are the highest that they�ve ever been. Coca-Cola says it plans to use Splenda in a new version of Diet Coke, and Snapple can�t get enough to keep itself stocked.

So this would seem a little premature, except for the fact that apparently McNeil Nutritionals, the company that owns Splenda, has �an array of lawsuits�, nine consumer class-action suits in several states, and three federal commission complaints against them at this time. BuzzMetrics says that anti Splenda, um, �Buzz�, is up to 33%. The number 2 search picture on Google for the word �Splenda� is now the photo of a guy having an allergic reacton.

So perhaps they have reason to be worried after all.

Staying up without an excuse

'The Happy Hooker' boasted that she could live on five hours of sleep a night. Perhaps I just don�t have what it takes- after a few weeks where five hours has been the maximum I'm drooping like her client's anatomy at the end of a long night. Everyone knows that L-tryptophan in poultry can have a sleep-causing affect, but what about to stay awake?

• Eat stuff. - Yes, apparently the very act of eating, moving your hands to your mouth, can be enough to keep you awake

• Drinking a lot and not going to the bathroom - This is actually suggested for people on long car trips- the discomfort will keep you awake. Great.

• Stay away form fruit and milk - they'll pump up the endorphins to your brain and then drop you just when you're getting all excited

• Caffeine of course - One drink should be effective for about 7 hours.

• Eat a steak. - Even small amounts of protein help dopamine production in your brain

• Eat a sandwich - More is less. If you�re going to eat bread, eat some protein with it. This will block the carbs from singing you lullabies.

Bloody hell am I tired. No wild orgies for me tonight.

Spices Part 2: The Well-Stocked Cabinet

Yes many seasonings taste better fresh, yes it's great if you plan your meals three days in advance. But who are we kidding- the store is far far away and its cold out.

As part 2 of DCF�d Responds: Spices, these are the non-perishable items that I say should come with any house when you buy it. I'm leaving out the fresh, and the more exotic but less-used seasonings- you can get your cold lazy ass over to the grocery store the few times a year you want them

1. Vegeta - you say you've been trying our recipes but I call your bluff. At least half of them contain Vegeta. If you don't got Vegeta, you dont got nothing. If you are about to add salt or garlic to something, chances are you'd get better results adding Vegeta instead.

2. Chinese Curry Powder - Don't get that awful yellow dust in the spices isle, go over to the international foods- or better yet, an Asian grocery store, and find a tin or a plastic packet of good, rich yellow curry. You should be able to smell the happiness through the packaging.

3. Paprika � Any time you use flour for a savory purpose, mix in some paprika. Also great on steaks, rubbed into chicken. on melted cheese, or just for coloring

4. Sea Salt � 'nuff said

5. Cinnamon � its actually amazing how much stuff cinnamon makes taste better. Any kind of stew, gravy, saut�ed veggies, Chinese and Thai, and of course, hot chocolate.

6. Chicken Bullion - Considering how many dishes require chicken broth, it's good to keep some around

7. Blackening Seasoning - This is the closest there exists to a "universal seasoning mix." Besides going on all fish, chicken, steak, pork, and veggies, its great on popcorn and the family pet.

8. Powdered Garlic � Invaluable in any kind of breading, savory pie, crepe, hamburger, chicken, and all those places where you probably should have been using Vegeta but were too lazy to get it.

9. Soy sauce � Points for keeping different kinds for Japanese food and Chinese food. Use darker soy sauce for stir-frys, lighter with sherry or ginger for marinades (don�t get the two kinds confused or you will be faced with the over salting of dooooom).

10. Sun-dried tomatoes - Recipe for instant respect: Angel hair pasta, cheap-ass tomato sauce, a cup of red wine, half a cup finely chopped sun-dried tomatoes. Bask.

11. Ginger - Important stuff for Asian cooking, sweet marinades, and anything baked. Incidentally, it's great in tea.

12. Teriyaki sauce- Everything above, except the part about the baked stuff and tea.

13. Basel � A no-brainer. If it�s a recipe of European decent, think about putting it in. Actually, if it's a recipe, think about putting it in

14. Dill weed � While this is much better fresh, the dried version can be used in a pinch for soups and sauces. Consider it required if you plan to cook anything vaguely Russian.

15. Chili powder � It ain't just for tacos anymore. Without this stuff I might have scurvy now since I refuse to eat vegetables without it. And of course, it's good in chili. Also on steaks. And things.

16. White wine � I know it gets nasty pretty fast, all the more reason to use it up quicker. Everyone should be required to cook with white wine at least once a week.

17. Cumin � if you're only going to get one ethnic ingredient, get curry. If you're going to get two, get cumin.

18. Vanilla � Assume you're going to need it any time you bake, so you might as well have some around. Which reminds me, I don�t have any around. Used it all up in last night's cheesecake.

19. Tabasco sause - Every house needs central heating and a good non- ethnic tasting one is always Tabasco. Not a Tabasco fan? I highly highly suggest Jump Up and Kiss Me Hot Sauce

DCF�d Responds: Spices!

A friend of DCF�d wrote us and said:

�So, wandering around the grocery store last night, I realized that I need to start cooking with spices. Returning home and looking in my cupboard, I found: ground black pepper and Goya Adobo (With Pepper!). A basil plant grows on my windowsill. And that's it. �How will I ever figure out what spices to buy to begin my collection,� I fretted. Then a voice inside reminded me that I know, oh, about seventy-five percent of DC's premier food bloggers.�

The result, dear readers, is the first installment of DCF�d Responds! Since this is a really huge topic, it�ll be answered in multiple parts, but answers to future inquiries will perhaps be more succinct. But, without further ado, here is:

Spicing, Part 1 (of ?):

Proper spicing is critical to all cuisine, and will very often make or break your dishes. It�s also not as hard as one might expect. In a series of posts to come, we will talk about various spices, how you might use them, and what good they can do you. But first, a couple of quick tips to get you started.

Like all cooking, it�s a matter of taste: what you like may not be what your sister likes. Some people wretch at the merest thought of cilantro, I pile it on. I�ve heard that there are even some people who don�t like garlic! To start off, let�s introduce the basics of spices.

1. Flavors. There are innumerable spices and flavors out there, and an infinite number of combinations thereof. For general purposes though, remember that spices, in general, can be �hot,� �cold,� �earthy,� �sharp,� �sweet,� and �piquant� (that�s �spicy-hot,� like jalapenos), among other adjectives, and the trick is getting your dish to the right place on each of those scales. That place is different for every dish, and for every dish depending on the chef�s personal tastes. The goal is getting what *you* want. If you find your dish is too sharp, add something earthy. If it�s too earthy, add something sharp. Or something hot. Play around.

2. Fresh or not? Fresh herbs are almost always best, but are not as readily available and are more expensive, so we often make do with dried ones. Dried herbs tend to be more powerful (concentrated) than fresh, so use less in your cooking. They also may have considerably different flavors, and react differently in your recipes, so take care and learn the difference. You learn the difference by trying things. I can�t write how to do that.

3. Find inspiration. Try to recreate flavors you've liked: Think about what you've eaten in the past, and how it tasted when you smell your spices. You probably won't get exact matches, but you may find things you like as well or better, and it'll help you learn. There is no such thing as a lost cause. See number 1.

4. Smell everything. Smell tells you tons about taste, and it�s the best way of predicting how a flavor combination will work. When you�re cooking and want to add a spice, test it first: smell your dish, then your spice, then hold the spice jar over the pot and smell the combination. If the combination smells good, go for it.
You can also use this trick to decide if a combination of spices is what you want: hold the two jars together under your nose, and consider the combined aroma.

5. Go slow at first. Some spices are more powerful than others. Four or five cardamom or fennel seeds will flavor a vat of curry, but you�ll need a spoonful of coriander for the same dish. Once you get more comfortable with spicing and with individual spices (more on that later), you�ll learn to intuit how much of what to add, but for now, just add a sprinkle at a time. On the other hand, do *not* be afraid to screw up. If you add too much of something, experiment: the dish is already not what you were expecting, why not make something entirely new that might be brilliant?

We�ll explain why later, but for starters, you should always have the following spices in your kitchen (besides salt and black pepper, which I hope you have already!):

- Fresh garlic. It keeps well when stored in a cool, dry place (not the fridge!), goes with nearly everything, and is possibly the Ultimate spice. Try roasting the cloves whole, you�ll get a sweet, delicious goo to dress salads or melba toast hors d�ouvres. Plus, it�s very good for your health!
- Garlic salt. See above, but this form is great for convenience and as a table spice.
- Ground cinnamon. It�s not just for baking! Used sparingly, cinnamon can really brighten up meats, especially gamey ones like lamb and venison. A sprinkle in your chili will take it up a notch. You can also use it as a no-calorie, South-Beach friendly, sweetener for puddings, dressings, etc.
- Cayenne powder. Even if you don�t like your food very piquant, keep this stuff around and learn to use it. Both piquant and earthy, cayenne can really bring a dish together. Especially good for moderate piquancy � dust a little on your steaks before grilling to bring out the flavor. Remember though: this is different than Chili Powder, which is a mixture of cayenne, cumin, alum, and other spices that you use when making chili.
- Rosemary leaves. Warm, a bit sharp, and highly aromatic. Sprinkle on for perfect lamb chops, add to a salad for extra flavor. Take a couple redskin potatoes, mix in a bowl with olive oil, garlic salt and a good bit of rosemary; roast them for a treat.
- Sage. Get the leaves, not the ground kind � it lasts longer and tastes better. Sage is warm, aromatic, and lovely on meats and with roasted veggies. It�s not as overpowering as some spices, so don�t be afraid to add more.
- Ground ginger. Less piquant and less sharp than the fresh kind, but still with a lovely fresh hot flavor that can really �break up� an overly earthy flavored dish. This is a key ingredient in many Asian dishes, including stir-fry, curry, and tempura dressing. Mix sesame oil, soy sauce, and ground ginger with rice vinegar for a refreshing, tasty, and health salad dressing.

Other F�d types and myself will be posting more about spices soon � this is just the beginning, and should get you off to a good start. We�ll talk more in-depth about more spices, have recipes, tips, and other things, especially if we get more questions!

DCF�d Scoops The Post

Well, not exactly. But perhaps we can take credit for starting a trend. The Washington Post's food section this week has a feature on our favorite topic, that scandalous sweetener, Splenda. The article details the substance's recent popularity and resulting shortage and scandal. It also urges curious consumers to judge for themselves by visiting Splenda's own site and www.truthaboutsplenda.com.

American Splenda

Following the continuing saga of our favorite least-awful sugar substitute, we have the obligatory legal action:

The marketers of the hot-selling sugar substitute filed a lawsuit in federal district court in Delaware yesterday alleging that the Sugar Association and other groups are waging a "malicious smear campaign" against their product in an attempt to boost sugar sales.

[...]

Yesterday's suit is in response to a false-advertising lawsuit the Sugar Association filed against McNeil [the Splenda people] in California in December, Watts said. That lawsuit, which does not target Tate & Lyle P.L.C., the manufacturer of Splenda, seeks to prevent the marketers of Splenda from continuing what it called a "misleading" advertising campaign.

Nuisance lawsuits rot your teeth, you know.

The Falafel Issue

Our thanks to Kanishka for drawing attention to the recent DCist post about Israeli Falafel- a post that that rapidly devolved into an argument over cultural plagiarism of traditional Arabic foods. We've done some in-depth research into this matter (a couple of google searches) and these seem to the facts.

The claims:
Arabs believe that Israelis have stolen the concept of Falafel and turned it into what is popularly referred to as the"Israel's National Snack." No tourist brochure is without a picture of it, popular songs refer to it, and Israeli cookbooks contain recipes for it.

Israelis believe that it is silly to try to 'own" a method of frying legumes, and that falafel is an international food, like hamburgers and pasta. Though no one claims to have created the recipe from scratch, Israeli cooks have as much a claim on it as anyone.

The Facts:

Falafel is old. There are records of both Jews and Arabs eating Falafel in the middle east for at least 3000 years, so the argument of who was technically eating it first doesn�t really matter.

Falafel is a 'natural' food for the middle east. The ingredients are indigenous and everyone who lives there is going to end up using them one way or another. Since its an area low on trees, frying and pita bread are going to be popular to cut down on the amount of fuel used to cook with.

Current Israeli cooks did learn how to make falafel from the people already living there, often Arabs. As part of an Israeli movement towards getting back to middle eastern roots and away from Eastern European traditions unsuitable for their new environment, many middle eastern customs were adopted including style of dress, architecture, and food.

Israeli Falafel is now somewhat different from the recipe originally adapted from Arabs, who themselves adapted their modern recipe from the Egyptians. Chickpeas replaced Favas, and toppings are a new Israeli innovation. Today, the type of falafel you find at an Israeli and an Arab restaurant is fairly different, tho still recognizable as the same dish.

Falafel, in Arabic culture, is considered low level street food. Oddly, none of the more sumptuous dishes such as musakhan were adopted. This is the equivalent of Americans "borrowing" French fries from the Belgians, and then Belgium getting angry because McDonalds fries are considered American food. Not that that's anything to be proud of.

Conclusions
Well, what it seems is this. Is Falafel a recipe that present-day Israelis would have arrived at by themselves with no input? No, probably not. Should they be really thankful that they were taught how to make it by Arabs? They sure should. Do they now have just as much claim on it as anyone else living in the region? Yeah, probably.

To learn more about it, here's a good article

Political tea

Trying to get the bitter taste of our new McCarthy-esque political climate out of your head? If you don�t have cyanide around, I suggest the delicious combination of super-sweet liquid with a dollop of cream that is Thai iced tea.

'But zaf! You say, 'I'm just a pawn of the lip-service moralism of the current administration� and incidentally I also don�t know how to make Thai iced tea!' Well don�t you worry- my vote may not count but I can still teach you how to make the sweet, sweet, oblivion that is this popular fountain soda equivalent.

To a pot of boiling water, add to taste:

• Two Chinese star anise, ground (optional)
• A teaspoon orange flowers�I actually leave this out and substitute cardamom instead
• A teaspoon vanilla
• 1 pinch cloves
• 1 pinch chopped cinnamon
• A handful of long cut China black tea leaves
• At least half a cup of sugar

Steep until lukewarm, strain, pour over ice, top with half and half.

But what if the crushingly low value of the dollar means you can't buy any of the ingredients listed above? I suggest DeDe's Instant Thai Tea- forgetfulness in a packet form. I know you can get it at the Laurel Safeway�probably a whole bunch of other places too but I'm too depressed by the state of the union address to look them up.

Super Ginger Miso Broth (with noodles)

Miso is one of Japan's oldest traditional ingredients and was made as early as the 12th century. Today it is produced by combining boiled and crushed soybeans with a culture comprised of wheat and rice, barley, or other beans. The fermented mixture is allowed to mature for up to three years. (See instructions for making it here.)

The three grades available are shiro-miso (white, light in flavor, made with rice), aka-miso (red, medium-flavored, made with barley), and kuro-miso (black, strong flavor, made with more soybeans). The recipe below uses red aka-miso.

• Bring water to boil, add soba (sesame) or other kind of noodles. (I don't know how much; I don't measure things unless I have to.) Cook for appropriate amount of time. Turn off heat, drain, toss in a bowl with a little sesame oil, set aside.


• Bring 3c water to boil.


• Grate at least 1 Tbsp ginger, more if desired. Add to water.


• Add a splash of tamari soy sauce. Reduce the heat as low as possible, so that the mixture is not boiling.


• Add maybe 2-3 Tbsp miso paste, then stir occasionally until dissolved. Once the miso has been added, the mixture should not be allowed to reach a boil, as this destroys some of the nutritional properties* and subtlety of flavor. Cook on low heat until the miso paste has dissolved.


• Add a piece or two of kombu (sea vegetable) or some medium-cut strips of nori. Add earlier if using kombu, otherwise toss the nori in at the very end.


• Pour over sesame noodles and serve.

The MSG witch hunt

As many fads do, the Anti-MSG paranoia that has swept the USA in the past probably confuses the outside world. An American population permanently on the look-out for 'the next cool thing to fear' apparently missed the fact that the entire population of China does not go around clutching their heads in pain. After all, MSG (literally, boiled sea kelp) had been a staple of the Chinese diet for thousands of year, you figure they would have noticed by now.

No, the entire hoopla can be linked back to a single letter to the editor to the New England Journal of Medicine in 1968, written by a man commenting that he sometimes felt strange after eating Chinese food. No research, no testing, the concept of MSG being bad for you is based on the equivalent of one one guy's preference for Thai.

Of course, just after an alien movie comes out, UFO sightings go up. It was only a matter of time before reports of "strange MSG-related phenomenon" started coming in and "caring" Chinese restaurants were forced to put out the "no MSG signs".

i assume most of this has died down by now- recent tests show that MSG is no more harmful than a similar amount of sugar, salt, or a piece of bread- any effects people might perceive are usually caused by the standard sugar rush when eating heavily on an empty stomach.

Incidentally, a food with much more MSG in it than Chinese that somehow managed to evade the witch-hunt? Cheddar Cheese.

No, I'm not going to footnote sources, this is a blog, dammit, not an academic paper. I just got out of a 3 hour meeting about department policy and currently hate the world.

Splenda, the soap opera continues

As if the huge Splenda shortages this season weren�t enough, apparently a few weeks ago a group called on the FTC to investigate into Splenda's advertising campaign. You know, the one where they claim that Splenda is just a calorie-less form of sugar. So apparently it�s not.

Nope, apparently, �Splenda is a chemically created product that uses chemicals such as chlorine and phosgene, a poisonous gas� and even their own scientists have admitted that �any link between Splenda and sugar is impossible to prove.�

So maybe that shortage isn�t such bad news after all. On the other hand, if you wish to take this claim with a grain of�salt, keep in mind the identity of the complain-er: Splenda* rival, Equal.**

* Which has been found to cause damage to thymus glands, liver and kidneys, lymph follicles in the spleen and thymus, reduced growth rate, decreased red blood cell count, aborted pregnancies, and diarrhea

** Which has been found to cause Epileptic seizures, migraines and headaches, depression, brain tumors, and autoimmune diseases

Food sick

Goddamn, is zaf sick. She's rolling around on the mattress muttering about butterflies and the Department of Labor. The only thing that could cause such behavior would have to be that most dire combination of maladies, the flu a cold, and food poisoning.

So what do you give to the invalid to whom everything tastes like vaguely salty hair, but without the excitement?

• Garlic � Reduces cold congestion

• Horseradish - likewise

• Ginger and Scallions - If you're into new-aged stuff, apparently this will help with 'wind-cold invasions'

• Raspberries and blueberries � I'm not sure why but apparently this helps

• Citrus Fruits � Popular for boosting your immune system, especially if you smoke

• Decaf tea - Just drinking tea is not enough. Stick those fluids back inside you with decaf.

• Decaf tea with honey and some apple cider vinegar � Stick fluids back in and incidentally cure your cough problems

• Chicken soup � Because I said so

Hey, butterflies! Wooooo.

The many uses of Pepper

Pepper is a wonderful spice, single- handedly causing bloody trade wars in the Middle East, and allowing Europeans to eat taste-disguised rotted meat in the middle ages. Carrying on that great tradition A whole bunch of protestors at yesterdays inauguration got themselves pepper sprayed on Pennsylvania Ave . We hope everyone's alright.

Picture from NYTimes.com. I know, I know, if pepper spray actually has any pepper in it it's probably the other kind of pepper. Forgive, its hard to come up with a pun in a hurry.

How to Tofu

Oh no! Not tofu! Everyone's favorite food to hate no matter how many times we're told it's healthy. Just think of it as an edible sponge that soaks up flavors - well�maybe not, how about as a cheese made out of soymilk instead of cow's milk? That any better? OK. Guess not.

The problem is that packaged grocery store tofu, whether silken (soft) or firm, is just bad. Bland, and usually grainy. The solution: fresh (NOT packaged) tofu from your Asian grocery story. Whole different food - custard-y textured and delicious.

It's usually found in a vat covered with water and you fish out how many blocks you want. At home cover with fresh water changing it every day or two and use it soon, it doesn't keep too well. If it smells sour - toss it. Right before using it I pour a kettle of boiling water over it just to wash it - it's not absolutely necessary but it was sitting in an open vat in the store and I like to briefly sterilize its surface. But it is so much better than the pre-package kind that this extra step is worth it.

I often make this Traditional Chinese favorite (click on extended entry)

-MHF, guest blogger

Ma-Po Tofu

3 large blocks of fresh tofu from an Asian grocery cut into 1 or 1/2" cubes as you like (I go bigger)
1/4 lb ground pork or turkey (you can use 1/2 lb if you like more meat)
1 TB each: chopped ginger, garlic
1-2 tsp cornstarch
1/2 tsp ground Szechwan peppercorns
3 fresh scallions
Sauce:
1 TB shaoxing wine or dry sherry
1 1/2 TB light soy sauce
1 TB ground bean sauce (the Koon Chun brand - the best- just calls it bean sauce)
1 TB hoisin sauce (same sauce as Asian Eggplant entry, Jan 7)
1 tsp chili garlic sauce (same sauce as I used in the Asian eggplant entry, Jan 7)
1 TB Chinese fermented black beans, rinsed and lightly mashed with a fork

1. Saut� ginger and garlic very briefly with a tsp or 2 of oil, add the ground pork, stir fry until cooked. Add the sauce and about 1 cup water, allow to come to a boil.

2. Reduce heat. Gently add the tofu and heat through. As you stir, the tofu will break up a bit which is fine with me.

3. Mix 1-2 tsp of cornstarch with equal amount of water, add to sauce to thicken - can use 1 TB if you like it thicker. I always add ground Szechwan peppercorns about 1/2 tsp here. You usually find them whole and have to pulverize them yourself. I think it makes the dish.

4. Slice fresh scallions into thin diagonals. Add the white, cook 1 minute more, put tofu into a plate, and strew the green part over. Serve. Sometimes I sprinkle a bit of cilantro over too if I have it.

Yeah, the sauce is a bit of a hassle to prepare if you're in a rush, so I often make it up in quadruple the recipe and keep it in the fridge and then use it as I want. Meal in a minute.

-MHF, guest blogger

Refrigerator Pancakes

Authentic refrigerator odor is the key to this ill-conceived variation* on the classic breakfast staple.

1. Combine 2 Tbsp sugar, 2 tsp baking powder, and 1/2 tsp salt with 1 1/2 c unbleached all-purpose flour from the sack that was stored in your freezer and then forgotten for over a year. You don't want to waste all that flour, do you?

2. In a blender, combine 1/4 c water, 1 1/4 c milk or soymilk or whatever, 1 tsp vanilla extract, and 2 Tbsp flaxseeds. Blend until smooth.

3. Notice the powerful fridge smell wafting from the dried ingredients in a bowl several feet away. Convince yourself that the fridge odor will "cook off" once the pancakes are fried and then doused in honey and maple syrup.

4. Combine wet mixture with dry ingredients. Fry pancakes in a skillet, then serve hot with your favorite toppings. With every bite, try to ignore the fridge odor, now manifested as overwhelming fridge flavor and assaulting every tastebud in a palatable finger-wagging over your poorly-organized freezer and irregular baking habits.

5. Admit defeat, discard the remaining old flour. Go to the store and buy a fresh supply.

* Alternative version: Use fresh flour. Your pancakes probably will taste good.

Salt: A Cheat Sheet

Starting a controversial dialogue about salt is more difficult that you�d think. You might discuss rising obesity, falling pork bellies futures, destructive wheat farming techniques and vegetarian myths, but get angry at someone because she used the wrong form of Sodium Chloride and all you get is a funny look and your popcorn taken away.

Here is a quick cheat sheet overview:

Morton�s Iodized Salt Everyone knows that these hard little cubes (When It Rains It Pours, apparently) can only be used for baking and chemical uses. Right?

Kosher salt An excellent cheap default, but using it doesn�t mean that you are free of all brackish responsibility. As table salt, everything still tastes better with�

Ordinary sea salt It might seem decent but in reality it�s been subjected to washing, forced drying, and possibly bleached- all of which kill the pretty (and delicious) crystal shape.

Fleur de Sel A much better bet, this well-known stuff is made in pans with sea water. It has the original magnesium and potassium you crave from your salt on cold winter nights.

�Hand Harvested� Sea Salt. The ultimate saline fix. This stuff has almost no pollutants and is collected with wooden tools to keep the crystal from breaking up. When you eat it- probably by the deliriously giddy spoonful when no one is looking- it should taste slightly damp.

Halite Is used to melt the snow and kill your garden. It is for the road, not your mouth. No topping your pretzels with Halite.

Oddly colored salts touted as �gourmet� All the color means is that they are not pure. Clay is pretty to look at but doesn�t really help the taste.

I highly recommend the aptly named book "Salt: A World History� by Mark Kurlansky if you wish to further feed your salt fettish. The man knows that of which he speaks.

Innuendo'd Eggplant

What's 6- 8" long, firm, and covered in smooth silky skin with a delightful velvety feel? Get your mind out of the gutter - we're talking deep purple skin. We're talking Asian eggplant.

These babies are more banana shaped than the familiar plump seedy Italian variety. They have no seeds to speak of, none of the bitterness, and the skin cooks up so tender that you never need peel it. The flesh has a luxurious texture. Naturally you can find them at any Asian grocery but sometimes chain supermarkets carry them too - make sure they aren't wrinkly or soft feeling (I know what you're thinking.)

Here's a great recipe with a piquant hit of vinegar to help cut any greasiness. Asian or Italian, all eggplant absorbs oil.

Eggplant with Garlic Sauce

1. Mix 2 TB shaoxing wine or dry sherry, 2 TB soy sauce, 1 1/2 TB hoisin sauce (the Koon Chun brand is far and away the best), 1 1/2 tsp chili garlic sauce (most Asian groceries carry the Huy Fong Brand- with the green plastic lid. This is pretty hot stuff - you may want to start with less. 1/2 tsp ordinary red pepper flakes will do but the sauce will be better and worth it), and 2 TBSItalian red wine vinegar in a small bowl. Set aside.

2. Add about 1" oil to a large hot deep frying pan. Make sure oil is hot or the eggplant will absorb like a sponge and be indigestible. Prepare 3 Asian eggplants (about 1 lb) cut on the diagonal into fat round slices about 1" thick. Place as many slices of eggplant as you can flat in the pan. As they lightly brown on one side, turn them over. When brown on both sides and gently softened (not mushy) remove to a paper town to drain excess oil. When the pan is empty, add more oil to make 1", heat, then add remaining eggplant. Cook, remove as done before and drain on a clean paper towel.

3. There's probably no oil now left in the pan so if needed add another tablespoon, then add 1 generous TBS finely minced garlic and 1 generous TBS finely minced ginger. Stir fry for 15 seconds over medium heet - don't burn. Mix sauce mixture, add to pan, stir, bring to a boil and reduce heat.

4. Gently and carefully add eggplant back to sauce in pan. Spoon sauce over slices. Sprinkle with Asian sesame oil. Cook until tender, a few more minutes. Don't overcook.

5. Plate, and top with chopped scallions.

-MHF, Guest Blogger

Chi, continued

OK, I can't let everyone off the hook without a little discursive note on the etymology of the word "chai". It's Hindi for tea as some of you may know.

Here's where it gets interesting: think about various languages you speak, and what the word for tea is in those languages. Chances are it's either some variation on "tee" or "cha". The theory goes that some languages picked up the Mandarin version (cha) and some picked up the Cantonese version (people will specifically mention "Amoy" which is now Xiamen in southern China). Apparently when the Portuguese got to Asia they picked up the thee version and people who later traded with the Dutch East India Comapny mainly picked up that form of the word. To lift wholesale from wikipedia:

"Languages that have Te derivatives include Armenian, Danish, Dutch, English, Finnish, French, German, Hebrew, Hungarian, Indonesian, Italian, Latvian, Malay, Norwegian, Polish, Tamil, Singhalese, Spanish, Yiddish, and scientific Latin. Those that use Cha derivatives include Hindi, Nepali, Japanese, Persian, Portuguese, Albanian, Czech, Russian, Slovene, Turkish, Tibetan, Arabic, Vietnamese, Korean, Thai, Greek, Romanian, Ukrainian, and Swahili."

When we think about India, however, let's not forget other contributions to English, including shampoo, khaki, and sandals.

Splenda, continued

Tis the season of food shortages. First tomatoes and now, as previously reported on dcfud, Splenda. Despite lawsuits from NutraSweet, studies showing dubious health benefits, and the fact that, when you get down to it, it�s made from chlorine, The New York Times writes that the Splenda shortage has gotten to the point where Snapple is cutting production

And because Splenda (official mouth-watering name: sucralose) is under patent, no one else can touch the sickly sweet, slightly chemical tasting powder. There�s nothing for it but to switch to cheaper white powder substitutes. Like cocaine.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/22/business/22splenda.html?8hpib

Bitter veggies

It is the season for yodeler-divas to warble heartfelt, smooth rock remixes of german christmas carols from every retail loudspeaker. It is the season for every distant dad to play caring parent long enough for photos of their nuclear family smiling around a fireplace to send with holiday cards. It is, apparently, the season for dcfud to get really bitter and wordy.

But if you think dcfud is bitter, we can�t hold a candle to the awesomeness of great Horseradish. You may just know it as that nasty stuff that you put on your matzo on Passover, but baby you don�t know nothing yet. The enzymes in this ingredient are used in all kinds of medicine for cancer, AIDS, and that old favorite, leprosy- and if that wasn�t enough, you can eat it too.

Here is a recipe for horseradish Mayo. Throw it at the next coworker you catch humming �Winter Wonderland� under her breath.

1. Combine 1 egg, salt, half a lemon�s worth of juice, and a tablespoon of mustard in a blender

2. With the motor running, add a cup of veggie oil in a sloooow stream until everything is light and creamy.

3. Add three tablespoons of fresh grated horseradish. Bitch about holiday commercialism until someone bites you.

Multiplying Bergers

Recently, I wrote an ode to Breger cookies on this blog. I am now proud (and just a little smug) to report a berger sighting in Roanoke, Va, over 5 hours from the Berger Source, Baltimore. The Berger sighting was in a little specialty store miles from the West Virginia border called Tinnell's Finer Foods. When the storeowner was asked to explain the Berger presence, he said he has a relative in Baltimore who introduced him to the cookie, and he has been importing them ever since!

Splenda-Worthy?

Do you prefer Splenda to Sweet 'N Low and Equal? If so, you may want to start hoarding your Splenda now, since there's about to be a shortage. As reported by the Associated Press, Tate & Lyle PLC, the world's only manufacturer of sucralose, the key ingredient in the no-calorie sweetener, is having trouble keeping up with demand.

In reality, though, it looks like this shortage should only impact corporations that make food products that rely on sucralose, like Coca-Cola's newest drink, C2. So what I meant to say is: start hoarding your C2 now.

Dim Sum Part 1: A Primer

My idea of a great meal is four maybe five appetizers, and hold the entr�e, please. I'd much rather just nibble around - a little of this and a little of that - than have to face the same-o, samo-o chunk of grilled protein and a tired veg on the old plate yet again.

Enter�drum roll�Chinese dim sum. No, not a specific dish - it's lots of dishes or more specifically, a style of eating akin to Spanish tapas. Many small plates are offered, with enough variety to tempt even the pickiest. I've taken plenty of skeptics to a dim sum restaurant from a pleased (though puzzled) 85-year-old great aunt (see Will of Steel, Mousse of Chocolate - same aunt) - to a NYC cop who asked no questions and just kept shoveling it in. Everyone finds something to love.

Most dim sum restaurants only serve dim sum from about 11 AM to 3 PM for lunch though the times may vary slightly so check before you go There are two kinds of dim sum places- one with an a la carte menu to order from - avoid. For the freshest food, and the most fun go to a place that has little carts circulating around the room jamming the aisles, piled high with individual steamer baskets, or small plates of delicacies. Other carts sport mini-griddles to reheat stuff on the spot, vats of porridges, or glass cases with vivid colored desserts.

posted for mhf, guest blogger...continued

It's normal dim sum etiquette to stop a cart as it goes by and query the server what each dish is. Usually she'll lift the lid of the steamers to give you a peek especially if her English is shaky. It's fine to take a pass on any dish that doesn't appeal - asking doesn't obligate you to take it.

If you like what you see you'll get it along with a mark on your tally sheet. Eat a couple of dishes, or a couple of dozen - at the end the waiter will tally up the number of checks on your tab and charge you a pitifully small amount. The Saturday after Thanksgiving 10 of us ate for 2 1/2 hours and the bill came to about $125. That's $12.50 each folks! Including tip!

So what's to eat? Among my favorites: filled dumplings: shrimp, pork, vegetable, beef. Different kinds of fried noodles, spring rolls, spareribs in black bean sauce, roast duck, steamed chicken, stuffed crab claws, sticky rice wrapped in lotus leaf, rice noodle shrimp rolls, big buns filled with BBQ pork (beware: very filling!), green beans and broccoli with oyster sauce, braised Asian eggplant stuffed with shrimp, clams, sesame balls with sweet bean paste. Hell, there are hundreds of different dim sum and every places has its specialties. Weekdays there will be far fewer offerings so I strongly recommend going on weekends but expect a crowd. Don't worry the line goes fast.

-mhf, guest blogger

Apartment Basil

Looking longingly ahead to springtime, my vow next year is to maintain a more comprehensive apartment windowsill herb garden. The next best thing to fresh basil is freshly dried basil from one's own basil plant, although I prefer dried basil in most recipes because it's lost that raw flavor. I purchased a basil plant in early September and was able to keep it going indoors for two months into the start of winter by clipping new growth frequently. I let clipped shoots dry completely, then store the leaves whole because I figure they'll oxidize and lose flavor more slowly.

Orzo is a quick solution to coming home from work hungry and without the patience/energy required to make something more involving. I use frozen soybeans (edamame) because they add protein and create a balanced meal in a single dish, and because their mild flavor combines well with the basil.

1. Bring two cups of water to a boil, then add two tablespoons of olive oil and a teaspoon or two of salt. I tend to add more than this, but I'm a salt fiend.

2. Add about 2/3 cup soybeans, no less than a half tablespoon of dried basil, a pinch of tarragon, and maybe some freshly ground black pepper, and cook for about 5-10 minutes, depending on how tender you want the beans to get.

3. Add about 2/3 cup orzo, bring to a boil, and lower the heat to a simmer. Cook until the orzo is tender and all water is absorbed or boiled off, usually just over five minutes.

Lack of Tomato...Continued

The tomato shortage rolls on. Much beloved Soho Tea and Coffee on P and 22nd today joined the list of DC restaurants no longer offering tomatoes due to a mix of hurricanes, floods, and bugs with a very specific palate.

�They're picking them early because there's a demand� complains the Washington Post in this article. So even if you can get them, they�ll taste like�an early picked tomato.

No Tomatoes For You!

I stopped by my friendly neighborhood bagel shop/pizza place/deli, Pumpernickel's Bagelry, this morning, and as I stood in front of the register to pay for my bagel, I noticed a hand-written sign hanging from the blackboard menu: "Due to the rising cost of tomatos [sic], we won't have any!!" The owner, Rob, answered my "shame about the tomatoes" with a "they were crappy [this season] anyway." And that they were. As DCist reported earlier this month, cutting back on tomatoes is becoming a trend. For more on the tomato shortage, check out this Boston Globe article. All I know is, Pumpernickel's BLT just won't be the same.

AP Photo/Elaine Thompson

Eat your vegetables

Salty, dried, powdered vegetables. Appealing though this may sound, a mere semantic description can't do justice to the unbelievable niftiness of Vegeta. It is with burbles of happy joy that I report you can now find this traditional Croatian seasoning at the Wegmans in Sterling, out by Dulles.

Stick this stuff on pretty much anything. Rub it on chickens before roasting them. Pour it on vegetables. Mix it with salad dressing when you feel lazy. Toss it on popcorn. Toss it on your friends. Here's a fast recipe for Vegeta chicken wings:

1. Wash the wings, trim off the thin wingtip piece, and cut the drumette and the wing into two pieces
2. DRY thoroughly with paper towels, I really mean it.
3. Mix say, half a cup of mayo with a couple tablespoons of Vegeta till the mayo is bright yellow, then mix thoroughly with the chicken until well coated
4. Put chicken on a grill pan that has been covered with aluminum oifl,, broil for 5-8 minutes on either side.

For us metro-only types, it's also available online at Malincho.com