Photoshop Failure #1

Thanks to Photoshop Diasters for this one...

There's something fishy about this picture...not quite sure if I can put my finger on it...

I have to wonder what this tastes like. I'm guessing either exactly like Special K or Honey Bunches of Oats. Possibly even a combination of the drippings of the scores of hefty women who work out there mixed with desperation and bad body images.

It's sweatastic!

Baskin-Robbins 31 Cent Scoop Night!

From Baskin Robbins' Facebook:

Mark your calendars, 31 Cent Scoop Night is back at Baskin-Robbins for the 2nd year!

For full event details or to set-up a reminder for the event, check out www.baskinrobbins.com/31cent.

Pour some syrup on me!

I’ve met Jon Wye many times over the last couple of years at DC area street festivals, where he sells his crafted belts and buckles. He is friendly and fun to talk to. I recently found a sticker with his website address around my place, and revisited the site. He has some great food-related items!

I am drawn to the Waffle, Coffee, Cherry Pie, and Rooster (aka Cock) buckles. The latter reminds me of Sriracha Hot Sauce, which I’ve heard referred to as “red hot cock sauce” by a friend of mine in Seattle, and yeah, she did have a bit of a potty mouth.

The Homemaker belt seems like a good match for the pie, coffee, and waffle buckles, and the Farmer Boy belt seems like good match for the rooster, waffle, and pie buckles, but solid color belts would work as well.

Jon has a way with describing his items:

“Waffle belt buckle with two pats of butter. For men or women who wish they could pour syrup on their crotch all day long but are prevented by social convention.”

Natalia's Elegant Creations Update

I want to thank DCFUD reader, Gary, for this comment to my article about
Natalia's Elegant Creations:

I just wanted to give a shout-out to
Natalia's Elegant Creations new location in Falls Church. I'm vegan and I like rich, flavorful, fresh-baked desserts. Before Natalia's, basically my only two choices were make them myself or schlep over to Sticky Fingers in Columbia Heights.

-Gary

Atlanta's Coffee Deficit

For me, a good coffee shop or sidewalk café is key to living happily: a comfortable spot to get caffeinated, to read, work, and meet people, preferably with good (by which I mean impressively bad) art-for-sale on the walls and enough traffic (inside and out) for good people watching. New Orleans’ Café du Monde is pretty much the ultimate example in my mind, though DC’s L’Enfant does pretty well. Atlanta’s café selection is, unfortunately, a study in disunity.

The coffee at San Francisco Coffee Roasting Co. in Virginia Highlands is really good - rich, hot, and not all burned like it’s been there too long or has been over-roasted to generic Starbucksness - but that thing on my plate was not a scone, by any definition. It was a biscuit which, in addition to overcooking it, someone has shoved a great deal of refined sugar and a small handful of sulfury currants. It’s mostly too dark in the large, otherwise comfortable shop to read happily, but the jazz standards, while uninspired and generic, are piped in at a volume which allows enjoyment but does not interfere with conversation. The patio out back is small and fine enough, except the view is of a parking lot. My large iced coffee was about $2.00.

Decatur’s Java Monkey has a few comfy chairs, some slightly awkward bar and counter seating, and lots of tables that could do with some de-wobblifying. It also has the nicest patio of anyplace I’ve been down here. The coffee’s pretty good - all fair-trade and often organic for those in to such things - and the food is on the better side, with tasty paninis and fair hummus and tapenade. They also have wine and beer, which helps. The people-watching is pretty good here, as is the eavesdropping. The downside, which keeps me from Java Monkey rather more than I’d like, is that every night seems to be open mic night.

I’m all for supporting local artists and such, but there is only so amateur slam poetry one’s mind can handle. The same would go, I suppose, for professional slam poetry, should such a horror exist. Plus, open mic night is LOUD: it’s not the cheering or the moderate extra crowd, but the bloody mic is turned up all the way and the performers (especially, but not exclusively, the slam poets) tend to shout. This makes working, reading, and often conversing rather impossible.

Outwrite has geography, and books. The coffee is atrocious, but the tea is pretty good and enough sugar makes the espresso passable, so it’s easy to maintain your buzz while watching the scenery strut down 10th street. Seating is limited inside, but enough of the patrons are sufficiently friendly that sharing tables is a norm, which is helpful not only in comfort but also in learning all about that hot blonde walking by on the arm of a much older (and…homelier…) gentle(?)man. Sadly, outdoor seating is a no-go: the ‘patio’ is a nine-by-four-foot deck occupied by dedicated smokers and those willing to shout over the too-loud music. Inside, the music isn’t too loud, but it is often crap.

Finally: the Majestic. Not a coffeeshop but a diner, with crap coffee and greasy food and all manner of sketchiness, it’s comfortable enough for late night reading or to take that cute boy who’s been chatting you up for the last four hours at Outwrite, after that’s closed and you’re not ready to say goodnight just yet. It’s open after midnight, as so few Atlanta institutions are.

Java Monkey’s great during times when it’s not a performance space, but Outwrite is my favorite for sitting and reading and for socializing (plus it’s a bookstore, which adds a certain something of its own), and San Francisco is just a walk-by for good coffee. If Atlanta wants to grow into a proper city, it’s going to need a few (or a few dozen) proper independent coffeeshops/cafés, or at least some better-appointed Caribou Coffees or (shudder to think) Starbuxae.

My demands: a large (but not sprawling, Atlanta has enough of that) place, preferably with a nice patio, better-than-Starbucks (or, ideall, actually good) coffee, good snacks/food, and free Wifi. Books and magazines would be nice too - and I mean books, not bestsellers, and magazines that are less than 25% ads, not just Cosmo. Oh, and it should be open well past midnight.

San Francisco Coffee Roasting Co.
1192 N Highland Ave
Atlanta, GA 30306

Java Monkey
205 E Ponce De Leon Ave # 5
Decatur, GA 30030
(404) 378-5002

Outwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse
991 Piedmont Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30309
Tel: 404-607-0082

The Majestic Diner
1031 Ponce De Leon Ave NE
Atlanta, GA
30306-4215
Phone: (404) 875-0276

The Internet Makes Me Hungry

Seriously. The printers were down at my work today, which pretty much meant I had nothing to do; so I was surfing the internet. And I found many magical things, many horrible things, and many things that really looked delicious. One in particular, but I think my current vague attempt at a diet may also contribute to how strongly it appeals to me.

Chuao Chocolatier's ChocoPod Picante. I mean, seriously: chocolate, Cabernet, caramel, and chilies...yes please! Sadly, I am currently short one (or more) wealthy benefactor(s) who would buy me such delicacies (that whole make a billion dollars as a public health researcher plan has *so* not panned out). Has anyone tried them? Does anyone want to fly me out to California so I can try them in their native habitat?

The Five Paragraph Bitter Food Critic Came In, Shopped Happy-ish

Come in, shop happy! After spending the past few weeks trying to get their too-catchy-to-be-ignored, too-kitchy-to-be-respected reworking of the Partridge Family's "Come On, Get Happy" removed from my conscious, I finally broke down and went into a Bloom grocery store. Since it was Mother's Day, it only seemed fitting for the Five Paragraph Bitter Food Mother to tag along as well. After a relaxing day of pancakes in Rockville and coffee in Frederick, we spotted a couple of Blooms, and the two of us went in to see if the most annoying commercial song since "Empire Today" was worth the pain. We didn't see any choreographed dancers, and no background music, but we did find a lot to like about the store.

From the folks who brought you Food Lion, Bloom's goal is to concentrate on freshness, offering an easy-to-shop, upscale layout. To call Bloom upscale, though, is a bit of a misnomer - this is not even close to the gourmet mass of Wegman's, or the organic sensibilities of Whole Foods - though it is better looking and better stocked than parent Food Lion. The store offers a good-sized prepared foods section for the busy shopper on the go. The basics - chicken, ribs, cold cut sandwiches, mac & cheese - are next to the more sophisticated - paninis, salads, sushi - are all displayed next to a nice, if not spectacular, deli. The bakery is loaded with surprises, featuring dozens of muffins, breads, cookies, no-bakes and fudges. The 5PBFM was shocked to see potato candy, a beloved fixture of her youth, made fresh in the store.

The produce section shines with a dazzling array of vegetables and fruits, many from local suppliers, arranged in well-labeled bins. Nearly a dozen different types of apples sit near such oddities like brocoflour, and a mix-and-match area of chili peppers. The whole produce area is washed in a Rainforest Cafe'- inspired environment. The walls shimmer with lighting effects, and small speakers pipe in the sounds of nature. It's supposed to give the effect of getting the produce straight from the farm, but the constant sound and impression of water just triggered my bladder response. Wisely, there's a clean restroom right around the corner. Apparently, I'm not the only one susceptible to such stimuli.

The meat section was pretty typical, with prices about 80% of Harris-Teeter, 90% of what Giant and Safeway offers, and roughly the same as Shopper's and Magruders. The seafood section was nicely stocked, again at 90% of Giant and Safeway prices, but with a higher quality and better selection than the typical Shopper's. The wine and beer sections were quite large, with special end-caps for local vineyards and breweries - apparently Bloom is trying to be a good corporate neighbor. The international sections were solid, and the baking supplies section showed their Southern roots with all sorts of fillings, chips, glazes and sweeteners. The spice section was as loaded as any store I've seen, and barbecue fans will love the range of sauces, rubs and supplies.

Basically, Bloom is a cleaner, newer Food Lion. It has some great touches - portable price scanners, online shopping lists, hand sanitizers for the grocery carts, recipe stations - that other stores will no doubt incorporate. Those who view Club Discount Cards like John Goodman views salad will like Bloom's lack of of them. Buy One, Get One Free discounts and savings are open to all shoppers. The store has some drawbacks, though. The low aisle height makes the bellowing of screaming children reverberate in the store like The Three Tenors in a shower stall. In an odd design twist, the store aisles are mostly run north-south, and then several turn 90 degrees, creating plenty of hot cart-on-cart collisions. Plus, Bloom seems to view The Beltway as its 38th Parallel, refusing to enter the urban landscape as the closest stores are in Rockville, Accoceek, Laurel, Fairfax and Chantilly. However, given the amount of advertising they're spending on the market, I can't imagine it won't be much longer before those of us inside 495 will be wandering the aisles, trying to get that damned song out of our collective head. Come in, shop happy... *grumble*

********************************************************************************************************
Bloom earns 7 out of 10 possible Whammies!; a solidly above-average score for being a solidly above-average grocery store. It's clean, reasonably priced, great produce section, and it's got some nice consumer touches. It's also not nearly as upscale as its marketing would lead you to believe, and it doesn't have the large amount of loss leaders that smart shoppers know to target. It's not worth the drive like a Wegman's or a sweaty Metro haul like Whole Foods, but it's definitely a nice touch for our ex-urban neighbors, and should provide a real challenge to established chains like Safeway and Giant in the region.
*********************************************************************************************************

Eastern Market Ravaged by Fire

The historic Capitol Hill market and gathering place Eastern Market was severely damaged by fire early this morning. Nobody was injured, but all of the vendor space - the butcher, seafood, bread, snack shops - are all destroyed. At this point, the fire department and police are investigating the blaze as possible arson.

Here are links to coverage from the Post and Mark Fisher commentary. Here's a quick story and pictures from DCist. A picture slideshow from NBC4 shows the firefighters in action.

While Mayor Adrian Fenty is vowing to repair the damage quickly, and Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton is requesting Federal dollars to help, the immediate question for the community is what will happen to the vendors and surrounding businesses who make a large portion of income from the foot traffic generated by the market? Where will they be placed? How quickly can they (or are they even willing) to rebuild? Mayor Fenty says he'll get them new spaces, which is admirable...and also eerily similar to what the City of Annapolis told the vendors of the historic Market House when that building was flooded by Hurricane Isabel in 2003. Much like Eastern Market, the City-owned Market House was mostly full of locally-owned tenants - a couple of sandwich shops, seafood, bakery, produce, pizza, cheeses - a favorite of locals and tourists alike, and the building practically dripped with history. It was the worst-kept secret that the Annapolis City Council and Mayor Ellen Moyer had offered up the Market House to high-end grocery store Dean and Deluca before the hurricane, and the subsequent flood damage merely heightened the rumors and animosity between the tenants and the Council. The existing tenants were still wringing out their flooded inventories when they were booted out by the City, many closing family businesses that had existed for decades.

After a long, drawn-out leasing battle with the Annapolis City Council and Mayor, Dean and Deluca pulled out. While no official explanation came from Dean and Deluca, it became a black eye for the City to have such historic, highly valuable real estate essentially vacant during the prime tourist season and annual boat shows.

It doesn't take an advanced degree in Urban Planning or Macroeconomic Theory to know that Eastern Market is sitting in a similar prime real estate area. Metro access, established neighborhood, nearby parking, mere steps to the Capitol - every chain in America itching to enter the D.C. market would want that. It will be Fenty and the City Council's job to heed the lessons learned from the bitter romance and divorce in Annapolis, that a well-heeled suitor is not always the best choice for marriage.

Everyone wants some chunky monkey!

Ben & Jerry's is giving away free ice cream today from 12pm until 8pm at participating scoop shops. Click here to find a participating scoop shop near you. The link was down, so I called a shop to verify the deal. It is on, at least for this shop:

Ben & Jerry's
5612 Connecticut Avenue Northwest, Washington, DC 20015
(202) 237-0569

If I keep this up, I'll be the chunky monkey!

Whatever Happened to Decadent Tooth Decay in Del Ray Pt. 2?

A few months ago, I set out to chronicle the ways in which Alexandria's charming Del Ray neighborhood can rot your teeth and ruin your diet. An eating tour of Del Ray is a delicious invitation to gain weight and keep your dentist's kids in private school. There's so many fun little eateries in the neighborhood that I felt compelled to break the article into two parts, thereby giving it a more proper review. Part one would be the places I know best, and then after a careful sampling of other places in the area, I was going to write part two.

One small problem with that idea - while my teeth are fine, my diet was ruined. I gained over 15 pounds since I started writing Part II. And those were not "happy pounds" either. Angry, vicious pounds - more bitter than a jilted bride on Valentine's Day and colder than a divorce attorney. I felt Morgan Spurlock's pain. Being a FUD writer Super-Sized Me. I drew a line in the sand a few weeks ago and vowed to be more Dave Matthews than Dave Thomas or Dave Thomas.

In the past year, I've learned 10 unassailable facts about FUD in DC :

1) Del Ray really CAN tack on the pounds, plus the Dairy Godmother is serving Tiramisu AND Thin Mint Cookie custards this month. Courage, my friends.

2) When reviewing beers, candy bars and chili, always mix in a salad. Preferably not fruit salad from a can. And, preferably, not the can too.

3) Don't go to Wegman's when you're hungry. You'll end up with a cart full of food that you don't remember placing in the cart and have no idea how to pronounce. Then you'll drive home for the next hour wondering what in the hell just happened.

4) Don't go to Harris-Teeter when you're hungry. You'll end up with overpriced foods and no idea how to pay for it. Only supermarket I've ever been to that should offer financing and layaway. "Just three more payments and that soymilk is all mine!"

5) The large anything (burger, phở, beverage) may only be a dollar more than the small, but the small will do. Some phở places sell Extra-Large sizes - how can anybody finish one of those and not end up in a food coma?

6) That exercise thing...kinda important. Ever notice how many WSC and Sport & Health Clubs are near supermarkets? If Curves keeps it up, there'll be one in every supermarket.

7) Cakelove's butter cakes need to be brought up to room temperature before serving properly. Don't eat a dozen cupcakes while you're waiting.

8) Every one of those "Limited Edition" candy bars at CVS - meh. Not nearly as good as you'd expect, except the marshmallow Reese's and the Malt and Espresso Kit-Kats. Otherwise...meh. The white chocolates taste like wax and the caramels always seem off somehow. No need to try them - if they were any good, they wouldn't be "Limited Editions" but "Always Available."

9) Latin and Asian markets offer lower prices on meats and veggies and often with better variety. They may not have those bonus club cards, but the staples of a healthy diet are much more affordable. Giant and Soviet Safeway, take heed.

10) You know those people who bring donuts and cakes into the workplace? They secretly hate all their coworkers. They actually wanted a donut themselves, but assuage the guilt by bringing in 11 other sugarbombs to make everybody else fat and lethargic.

So, as I'm sticking to exercise, watercress and protein-shakes, I've been avoiding my normal calorie-rich fare. Regular exercise and a more moderate diet has brought me back down to a more comfortable weight.

I apologize in advance to any reader who lived vicariously through my gluttony, and to any establishment that might notice a sudden downturn in sales. Trust me, I miss you too.

Grand Mart, the name says it all.

Grand Mart is not exactly Chinatown, but the sights and sounds of the Asian supermarket give you a flavor of the things you're missing by shopping at Giant or Safeway. It has such a large agora of fruits and vegetables that I don't know where to start. For example, Grand Mart sells something called daikon at 59 cents a pound. I'd never heard of daikon, but according to a Wikopedia daikon literally means "white carrot" and is a mild-flavored giant white radish. Other spectacles at Grand Mart include dandelion at 99 cents a pound and chicory, which runs at $1.29 a pound. Yellow peaches were 79 cents a pound and not over-ripe, like I sometimes see at your average DC area market. The Asian market also has five types of mushrooms, some of which remind me of that part of Lord of the Rings when Frodo Baggins and company happen upon a large fungi jungle. I wouldn't touch mushrooms with a 10-foot pole but they run around $1.50 a pound, depending on the type you happen to buy. Asparagus are still expensive: $4.29 a pound.

I'm a Connecticut Yankee so I'm used to getting fresh green and red peppers from the local supermarket. I've had a hard time finding that in Arlington, Va. No problems at Grand Mart, and it's cheap too. Green peppers were 59 cents a pound. Red peppers were 99 cents a pound. And they’re fresh.

Though I love Indian food, I wasn't impressed with the Asian market's Indian section. It had a lot of spices but not the canned delicacies you find in Giant at prices that make you say "Oh my God ... I'm going to need to take out a second mortgage to afford these samosas." Nevertheless, I was pleased with Grand Mart's alcohol section. Instead of just wines and beers, it also had a whole shelf of sake. At $5.99 I got a bottle of sake called Bek Se Ju. I don't know what it is but I'm eager to try it out.

Grand Mart does have its drawbacks though. Most of the staff doesn’t speak English well. I got by using Spanish with some of the stock staff. But that didn't help me with most of the rest, whose native tongues are languages like Japanese, Chinese and Korean, who had a hard time understanding what I wanted when I asked for ginger ale. I eventually found it after asking the only English-speaker on the staff I could find.

You'll also be out of luck finding some basic things that Americans can't get by with. They don't sell Liquid Drano. I don't think they have veggie burgers either. But with the high quality beef, chicken and other meats they offer you hardly need veggie burgers. Unless, of course, you're a vegetarian. If you are, you'll just have to go to Giant for that.

Grand Mart is located at 6326 Arlington Boulevard in Falls Church, at the corner of Route 7 and Route 50. It's not near a metro so if you don't have a car, find a friend to drive you. I'm saving $60 a month and getting fresher produce by going to Grand Mart. You'll be glad you went too.

This post is by Guest Blogger Jay D. Krasnow from www.hyperactivestyle.com.
Thanks Jay!

R.I.P. Eatzi's

One less reason to chug up Wisconsin Avenue in Rockville - convenient gourmet food and wine shop Eatzi's is closing its doors with little-to-no-warning, just in time to ruin many a Thanksgiving dinner. Today might be the last day the charming place north of White Flint Mall has left, as management and staff were notified of the closure yesterday.

I'm sure there will be more to this story, and hopefully the displaced staff can find work at other local markets - though Eatzi's relative convenience to Metro rail and bus routes will be hard to replace.

Geez, former Eatzi's folks....happy holidays? Good luck in getting new gigs.

World Market's 40% off Coupon

Just in case some of you are fans of World Market, I’d like to mention that they have a 40% off coupon which is valid through the 7th, and is in store only. It is for one regular priced item, including gourmet food, and excludes alcohol, furniture, or gift cards. I have on occasion found some good gourmet items at World Market’s Pentagon Row location, and I know that there are a good number of locations in the area.

Decadent Tooth Decay in Del Ray, Part One

Not to get all Andy Rooney on you, but, didja ever notice how some neighborhoods seem hell-bent on making you fatter? The Del Ray neighborhood in Alexandria is one of those enclaves where the chocolate drowns and the sweets chase your blues away. This place is so devoted to making us chubby, I have to make this a two-part series.

You can start your own personal Tour Du Pudge at The Dairy Godmother, formerly known as the Del Ray Dreamery or That Custard Place in Del Ray. Though the name has changed, the incredibly high-quality goodies have not. This charming place offers all sorts of frozen and baked snacks, such as a variety of sorbets, cookies and turnovers, though the star of the show is the handmade frozen custard, a thicker, though not-really-more-fattening form of ice cream. Owned by Wisconsin native Liz Davis, The Dairy Godmother offers both chocolate and vanilla custards, plus a flavor of the day. Her imagination with custard is boundless, and you're likely to find her cranking out a traditional Mint Chocolate Chip as you are to try a Lemon/Blueberry mix or the exotic flavors of India in her cardamom and almond Khulfi. Fortunately, she keeps the shop's website flavor-of-the-day calendar updated, though I'd like to see her expand that to include her delicious sorbets. Also, treat your dogs to frozen Puppy Pops or to treats shaped like squirrels.

St. Elmo's is celebrating their 10th anniversary, and the lively crowd of locals, shoppers scouring Mt. Vernon Avenue, and a varying array of local musicians give this place a fun, tangible energy. While folks who are content to be buried in the throes of the Sunday Post and iPods are certainly welcome, it's a great place to learn the scoop on local restaurants, real estate, politicians, etc... In many ways, this might as well be the Del Ray community hall, the subject of a fine, albeit over-caffeinated, Norman Rockwell painting. St. Elmo's has a fine selection of coffees and teas, large muffins, sandwiches and small snacks. Their White Chocolate Mocha uses their own brew mixed with Ghiradelli's white chocolate, and should come with a warning label not to handle explosives or large machinery afterwards.

The sign said "Chocolate Covered Peaches," and pointed down the street to a new chocolate-centric sweetery. Artfully Chocolate is the new kid on the block, and makes a strong case for devastating your diet, artfully. Open for just a little over a month, the shop is located around the corner from The Dairy Godmother and St. Elmo's, and features a wide assortment of novelties, fudge, truffles and licorices. The fudge is richer than a Saudi oil baron, and the trays of chocolate-dipped cookies are enough to make Dr. Atkins roll over in his protein-rich grave.

The bold tile mosaics, acrylics on mylar, and 3-D pieces at Artfully Chocolate are the works of owner Eric Nelson. So, it's not just a chocolate store, but an art gallery with caramels. While I'm not qualified to be an art critic, his tile-and-mesh mosaic of Marylin Monroe in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" mixes skill and whimsy. In an eclectic, artsy neighborhood, Artfully Chocolate stands out as being even more artsy and eclectic.

If Del Ray hasn't thrown you into a sugar coma yet, walk another block down on Mt. Vernon street and visit The Sundae Times. This is a good old-fashioned ice cream stand, and the banana splits are the size of a small whaling vessel. While the flavors aren't as exotic as The Dairy Godmother's, its traditional ice creams made by Gifford's of Rockville are wonderful, and the wider variety of flavors are handy, especially on those occasions where TGM's FoTD is not your bag, baby.

Coming up in Part Two, a look at the Cheesetique, Caboose Bakery and Cafe, Fireflies and others...

Holy crap! Kangaroo! Finally! .!!

It's juicy and delicious! It's environmentally sound and low in calories! Yes, to everyone who wanted to know where to buy Kangaroo when we ran the initial article a couple months ago, your entreaties have been heard!

I swear I searched for hours with no luck, when apparently all I should have done was try the simplest URL I could think of. The aptly-named Exotic Meats store (www.exoticmeats.com) have all the Kangaroo muscle protein you desire. As long as what you desire are patties and sausages.

Now, granted, those may indeed be two of the best ways to experience these bouncy marsupials, but if you were hoping for a long-legged steak, you're still out of luck. In which case, allow me to suggest some antelope, elk, caribou, or rattlesnake- all of which can be provided here. Hey, is that an alligator/crocodile sampler? Well, I didn't want to pay rent this month anyway.

It looks like shipping to DC is expensive but it could be worse- I say group up with some friends and place one large order, then split the shipping costs. Don't have any friends? Buy some.

Update: Between the time I wrote this and the time I'm posting it, they just started offering Kangaroo Striploin, which I think is a lovely, delicate, and most importantly, un-ground muscle (someone correct me?). So now you really don’t have any excuse.

Rice you can drink

Such precious first memories: the first class of 7th grade, the first guy you turned down, the first time you heard the White Stripes. If you're young enough, they may have all happened within the same hour. And yet, all these pale in comparison to the first time you drink Roasted Rice Tea.

Ooooh that toasty nuttiness. That sweet starchiness. That warm, brown aroma of chestnuts and smoke. It's possible that this is the most perfect of liquids.

But first, the evidence. The Japanese word Genmaicha technically translates as Popcorn Tea and I don’t know why. It's definitely made out of green tea (bancha) combined with roasted rice grains (genmai) ...maybe they were being poetic? It's lower in caffeine, and of course, it tastes awesome.
I get mine at Oriental Supermarket on the Rockville Pike where they have a four or five different brands. As I type, I am sucking down Yamamotoyama's lovely version, but all of them are delectable.

But for those of you unwilling to spend the $1.75 for a box, here's what to do:

Roasted rice green tea
Put 2 tablespoons of basmati rice in a small, cast-iron skillet and set over a low flame. Stir them until they turn patchy-dark and give out a nice roasted aroma. Don't burn 'em no matter how cool that would be!

Put the kernels into a small pot. Add 4 cups boiling water and two teaspoons of good quality green tea- two teabags work too. Simmer for 1 minute. Cover, and turn off the heat. Let the tea steep for 3 minutes, then scoop the liquid off. Or strain- whatever floats your thing.

Natalia's Elegant Creations

Ok, I'll admit it. My standard response to anyone recommending Cakelove for anything other than an eclair is "have you tried Natalia's Elegant Creations?" And yes, I know...some of you like the Cakelove cupcakes. Well, maybe those of you that haven't - as I have - been spoiled by NYC cupcakes from places like Magnolia and Buttercup. I haven’t tried Natalia’s cupcakes yet, but if they are the same quality as her cakes, they should be quite good.

Natalia does not have a storefront, but her cakes, bars, cookies, and cupcakes are available at Dean & DeLuca in Georgetown. She can be reached through her website, or phoned at (571) 239-0256.

I was lucky enough to try Natalia's desserts last summer, when she was selling at the Clarendon Farmer's Market...until a positive article about her - made from scratch, European-style - baked goods appeared in the Washington Post food section. At that point, she was just too busy to shlep to farmer's markets.

You can order directly from Natalia, and have her deliver to you for a fee, which is $7 for Arlington and Falls Church, and $7-12 for DC, and Fairfax and Montgomery counties. By ordering direct, you can request custom orders, and order from her catalog, including gluten-free or nut-free items.

Natalia is currently looking for a location for a storefront. I hope that works out for her.

Dean & DeLuca
3276 M St. NW
202-342-2500

From West Marin To The World

One of the best things about having gone to culinary school in San Francisco is that there really is no other place in this country where everything comes so neatly together. There are three world-class wine regions within an hour's drive, there are all sorts of fresh seafood (both fin and shell fish) coming in from the Pacific ocean and the San Francisco bay, and best of all, California has all sorts of farmers' markets where local farmers will sell their wares. Even the local 7-11 carries varieties of food and wine that you have to go to Dean & Deluca to get here.

While I was out there, I indulged in the guilty pleasure of practically every other chef in town: cheese. For most of us, Whole Foods served as our local dealer (really, it is very similar to crack cocaine, you give the guy behind the counter a ten-spot, and he gives you a "rock" of the latest and greatest cheese they have). It was at a local market that I became aware of one of the best cheese-makers in the Bay area: Cowgirl Creamery. Founded by two women that were no strangers to the culinary world, Cowgirl Creamery quickly gained a very good reputation for turning out some of the tastiest cheeses around, simply by being extremely fussy over the ingredients they chose to use.

In addition to a very tasty creme fraiche, the folks at cowgirl creamery make a very addictive cottage cheese (we're not talking Breakstone's here), and a classic fromage blanc to round out their fresh cheeses. As for their aged cheeses, I like the Mount Tam (named for Mt. Tamalpais in the north bay), and the St. Pat, which is their seasonal spring cheese, wrapped in stinging nettle leaves (the leaves are washed and frozen first to remove the sting), which impart a smoky artichoke flavour. Their Pierce Point cheese, which is only produced in the fall and winter, is washed in a muscato wine, and rolled in dried herbs from the Tomales bay coastal region, which produces a complex yet not overpowering cheese.

The reason I'm telling you all of this is because the women that founded Cowgirl Creamery are originally from this area, and they have just opened a store in the Penn Quarter of the district (right down the street from the newly renovated Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery). In addition to cheese, their store here also sells charcuterie (cured meats, among other things), local breads, and wines. Check it out!

Cowgirl Creamery
919 F Street NW
Washington, DC 20004
(202) 393-6880

The Ballston Farmer's Market Report

The Ballston Farmer’s Market debuted last summer, and only had a few vendors. This year, the market is back with many more vendors. The market is open Fridays 11am until 3pm, through October 13. It is interesting that this particular market does not have many produce vendors.

Sunnyside Farms sells organic produce, apple cider, and flowers.

I am very impressed with Firefly Farms goat cheeses. They are some of the best I’ve had, and all of Firefly Farms cheeses have won awards. Besides the cheeses listed here, they also brought two spreadable cheeses today. One is sweet and has ginger, almond, and honey, and the other is savory, and has sun dried tomato, herbs de Provence, and roasted garlic. Check here for a list of stores and restaurants that carry or use their products.

Baguette Republic of Falls Church is also present, and a good selection of hearty breads. They also sell at the Clarendon Farmer's Market.

I have been eyeing Virginia Lamb’s stand, but have not yet purchased their products.

I have tried Old Pioneer’s Kitchen’s Argentine Chorizo, and chimichurri sauce. Both were good, although unlike theirs, the Argentine-style sausages I am used do not contain both pork and beef. I hear that their Mexican chorizo is good as well.

Arondo of Hondo Coffee owns a plantation in Honduras, and roasts the beans in Stafford, Va. They sell several roasts, and the coffee is quite good. And, the coffee smells so good.

Dick’s Kitchen makes and sells various sauces, jellies, seasonings, and chutneys. His “Oh My God, Oh My God” hot sauce was sampled at a gathering of DCFUD writers. I believe that DCFUD's editor has promised an article about that particular hot sauce tasting. :)

Great Harvest Bread Company in Alexandria is at this market as well. I have a friend that loves their biscotti.

Virginia Green Grocer and Grace’s Pastries are present as well, although I have not tried their products.

The market also has live music at noon, and cooking demonstrations from area restaurants at 1:30 pm. Today, 1 Gen Thai Cuisine (a new Ballston restaurant) demonstrated several dishes. They made chicken satays, fried rice, and somethign similar to a vietnamese summer roll. Willow has already demonstrated dishes on two occasions, and Sangam Restaurant was featured last week.

And…I saved the best for last…many of these vendors provide samples. Firefly Farms, Baguette Republic, Grace’s Pastries, Hondo Coffee, and Great Harvest Bread Company have samples on their tables. Dick’s Kitchen has samples of some products, but you have to ask for them. And, you get to sample the dishes that are featured during the cooking demonstrations.

A good idea or horrible mistake?

As part of my weeklong desire to drink away the heat, I stopped by my friendly neighborhood Virginia ABC store. I've never been in a government-run liquor store before, and was interested to compare this place to private-run stores in my hometown in Maryland. The VABC store had all the staples of liver-crushing goodness - fine aged tequilas, dark spicy rums, flavored vodkas - and the low-end ten gallon plastic drum-sized gins and whiskeys. It was a good mix of high-end taste and low-end value. A couple of their prices seemed a bit high - Sauza and Jose Cuervo tequilas seemed about 10 to 25% more expensive than Maryland and DC - but they had some good specials and discounts to bring it back to par.

What really caught my eye was Voyant Chai Creme Liqueur, a relatively new entry in the market. The website describes it as:

Aged Virgin Island Rum, Fresh Dutch Cream, Black Tea from India, Premium Spirits from Holland and a Distinctive Blend of Spices from Asia give Voyant Chai Cream Liqueur the Rich, Creamy Smoothness that you should expect from a Premium Liqueur.

Other than an Annoying Habit of Randomly Capitalizing Letters incorrectly in a Sentence for No Reason, the stuff sounds prettty good. In three hours, give or take, I will be partaking of this new beverage. The Voyant website offers some recipes, a few of which sound pretty interesting, but definitely a little heavy on thicker liqueuers and milk. The stuff sounds perfect for a cold winter day; in fact, I can already picture using this in a rum & coffee mixture to keep warm at football games and ski lodges. Has anybody tried this stuff, and have some tips to share?

I'll do some experimenting tonight...all in the name of research and service to you, dear readers. Behold the effort...nay...the sacrifices I make for you.

***UPDATE*** July 20, 2006 - So, Voyant is pretty good. It tastes just like chai, but with a bit more fun. Think of a spicy Bailey's Irish Cream. It's sweet, and has the look and feel of those hazelnut coffee creamers. The aftertaste of ginger and black tea is awfully pleasing. I initially drank a small snifter of the liqueur, and then began mixing it with other alcohols. I made a simple vodka martini using 1 oz of the Voyant, 3 oz of Skyy vodka, and that was good. Using vanilla vodka made it a bit too sweet for my taste, but I could imagine that replacing the Appletini as a sweet introduction to the world of vodka martinis. Perhaps a 1/2 vanilla vodka, 1/2 Voyant shot could be called "The Ginger Snap." It mixes well with coffee and milk, as I guessed it would.

As for desserts, I could see it punching up anything from an apple pie to a bowl of oatmeal. I've got an ice cream maker that's begging to be used, and a chai ice cream might not stink. However, that will take a backseat as my first dessert with this stuff will be a tiramisu-like concoction, substituting the typical espresso-soaked lady fingers for a dip in alcoholic chai. If it's good, I'll post the recipe. If it's not, well...you're best off not knowing!

A Wegman's on the Blue Line?

Courtesy of the fine Washington Post, this article about upscale development in Prince George's County, Maryland, contains good news for all foodies in the District, Annapolis and Alexandria.

In May, the county signed a deal with the high-end Wegmans Food Markets to anchor the Woodmore Towne Centre in Landover, a billion-dollar project that will include homes and more than 750,000 square feet of shopping space and is expected to open in summer 2008.

This would be the closest Wegman's to DC and a short distance from the Largo Town Center Metro stop. Currently, there are two Wegman's in Northern Virginia, one in Fairfax and the other near Dulles. A lease has been signed for a Wegman's in Gambrills, in Anne Arundel County, but with no firm opening date. The newest Wegman's in the region is in Baltimore County's Hunt Valley. When it opened in 2005, people were actually camped outside of it to be the first inside, like a campout for U2 tickets!

Why such excitement? Would only bored suburbanites go bonkers over a bloody grocery store? Hardly. Wegman's is a New York-based chain of megamarkets that caters to people who truly love their food. They have all the trappings of a regular market - bonus club cards, bulk food section, shopping carts - but they do it in a store about the size of a Smithsonian, with a friendly, knowledgeable staff. With all that space, they have the room to include pretty much anything you need for a gourmet meal made from scratch, or made by real chefs that can easily be passed off as your own. A fantastic butcher shop, fresh seafood, a great wine selection (Virginia stores only, at this point), a jaw-dropping prepared food section, deli, a cafe', coffee shop, pizza parlor, pasta bar, olive bar, sushi bar, kitchen equipment, stemware, bakery, cheese shop, organic market, regional and international food sections, cooking classes, and a produce area that could inspire poetry...PLUS they have a little choo-choo train that runs around the dairy section. This ain't your grandma's supermarket, unless your granny was Julia Child.

My alter-ego, the Five Paragraph Bitter Food Critic, will be doing reviews of the major chain markets in the area, plus some of the neighborhood markets and speciality stores. Without giving away too much from the reviews, the FPBFC is a big fan of Wegman's, and will be a bigger fan of one that's Metro-accessible.

Uncle Brutha’s Hotsauce Emporium

I recently happened upon Uncle Brutha’s Hotsauce Emporium near Eastern Market, and had a conversation with the proprietor, Brennan Proctor. Brennan was a production sound engineer for many major music videos between 1999-2003. He originally began formulating his sauce for use on hot wings. He would bring the wings to potlucks and to work. His clients started asking for the sauces. Eventually they would ask for them by the case, and he started getting new clients with the understanding that he would bring them hot sauce. Brennan perfected his sauces and won twenty awards between the two sauces.

I brought both of Brennan’s sauces, the red and the green to a meeting of DCfud writers, and the sauces were a big hit. There wasn’t an onion ring or burger at our table at Brickskellar that wasn’t covered in hot sauce, and our beloved editor actually drank some straight from the bottle. The green was the favorite with 1/2 a bottle consumed, while the red had 1/3 of a bottle consumed. The green sauce is thicker, so pours slower, leading me to believe that if the consistencies had been the same that even more of the green sauce would have been consumed. You can taste both sauces as well as the other hot sauces that Brennan sells at the hot sauce tasting bar at the store.

The green sauce is made with serrano chilies, and flavored with ginger and garlic, and is tasty without being very hot. The red is a little hotter and is made with 4 kinds of chilies. For the red sauce, habanero, red and green jalapenos, and serrano are used. I like both sauces.

Some other hot sauces that are sold at the store include “Crazy Mother Pucker’s”, “Pain is Good”, “Dave’s, Mama Africa’s” (from South Africa), “Susie’s” (from St. John), and “Marie Sharp’s” (from Belize.) There are also some with politically inspired names, like “Monica Lewinsky Sauce”, “Where’s the WMD’s?”, “Weapons of Ass Destruction”, “Saddam Insane”, and “Bomb Ladin.” There are some sauces referencing various parts of the anatomy including “Colon Cleaner”, “Ass Blaster”, “Red Rectum”, “Bayou Pecker Power”, and “Liquid Lava, It Will Pucker Your Pecker.”

Uncle Brutha’s also carries BBQ sauces, marinades, dry rubs, spices, and condiments, and is in its third month of operation. Their own 2 sauces are also available in area Wholefoods.

Uncle Brutha's Hot Sauce Emporium
323 7th Street SE
Washington, DC 20003
Hours: T-Th 10-7, Fri. 10-8, Sat. 9-7, Sun 10-5
Closed Monday
(202) 546-FIRE

Suburban goodness

Local produce! Fresh humus! Specialty meat! Crazy nuts! I don't mean Whole Foods, or even Superfresh, I'm talking about Grosvenor Market. No, stop, I'm actually serous. I know it's in the basement of an apartment complex. I know it sounds like a glorified convenience store, and I know it's way out in suburbia, but this place rocks!

Where else are you going to get all-natural dry aged beef on a moment's notice? Or Apples from a local orchard? Or those great honey-sesame candy things you're addicted to? The front of this tiny hole-in-the-wall is decorated with the various prizes they've won for organic food, happy service, etc. etc. etc. And they also have a Notary Public - I mean, what else can you possibly ask for?

To get there, exit the Grosvenor metro and take a right down the escalator, follow the path that goes to the right of the little landscaped stream through the big scary suburban apt buildings. Past the kiddie pool. Stop laughing! This place rocks, I mean it!

CakeLove, continued

This guest blog is by Erin over at at The Kitchenette

Warren Brown, founder of CakeLove, has an expanding bakery chain, a Food Network series and a cupboard filling fast with features from People Magazine, Oprah, and an array of dazzled national media elites. For this litigator-turned-boutique baker, the sky's the limit. But right here at home, CakeLove has left some customers dissatisfied. Too dry. Not fluffy enough. Overpriced. Overrated. Many of the DC bloggers are not fans, and CakeLove knows it.

Head baker Mary Meyers sends The Kitchenette a message to the food blogosphere with a recipe for a lovelier CakeLove experience: http://thekitchenette.blogspot.com/2005/10/message-from-cakelove.html

The �bermarket

An instructive way of comparing supermarkets is to compare them to cars: especially around the Washington area, there are a variety of brand names, sizes and price points from which to choose.

For example, when I need the basics and nothing more, I go to the Soviet Safeway on 17th and Corcoran in Dupont Circle. The Soviet is like a late-model Honda Civic you keep around for small errands or to pass on for use as a teenager's first car. It doesn't have many features, occasionally has annoying quirks and doesn't exactly drive like a dream, but it's functional most of the time and a step up from your old scooter (the corner store).

The Whole Foods in Logan Circle is like a fully loaded top-of-the-line Volvo: safe, expensive and oriented to boring upper-middle class living. Many people would be more inclined to shop at Whole Foods more often if they were cheaper and they got over themselves and sold Coke and Pepsi products.

Trader Joe's is the Volkswagen Jetta of the supermarket world. Youth-oriented, sporty, friendly and occasionally adventurous, it goes well with catchy indie tunes and spontaneous picnics.

The Wegmans in Sterling, Va. is way beyond the sedan class. It�s a tricked-out Cadillac Escalade with the full leather package, nitro boosters, 22-inch rims and LCD screens in the seatbacks. If Xzibit was a foodie, this is how he'd pimp his ride.

The main entrance of this Loudoun County monster leads to a prepared foods area about twice the size of the large-ish steam table joint I used to frequent when I worked in the Judiciary Square/Union Station area. Sandwiches, pizza, sushi, pasta: you name it, they have it ready to consume. Although Wegman�s position in the sad, sad tangle of copycat housing and uncrossable intersections that is the outer NoVa burbs makes it a less-than-ideal spot to grab lunch, you�ll want to carbo load before seeing the rest of the store.

So where exactly is the Metro that goes here?

Next come the packaged meats, cheeses and baked goods. This section alone is about the same size as the Soviet Safeway, allowing for far, far wider aisles in which you can actually pass other shoppers with carts. The size of the section, a sad little corner even in the larger Social Safeway, emphasizes the sheer size of the place, like a powerboat on a retractable arm hanging off the back of a luxury yacht.

Next come the wine and luxury goods. Unlike the District�s mostly pathetic Safeways and Giants, you can buy beer and wine in Virginia supermarkets. It�s a genuinely redeeming feature of the state, but not nearly enough to make up for the �droopy drawers� bill of the last legislative session. There are wines on shelves like at Whole Foods, but there are also wines in a special room off the general sales floor, perhaps too expensive to expose to supermarket shoplifters.

Around here, you�ll find the olive bar. This photo is a bit blurry, but those are all olives.

The thoroughness of the olive bar is repeated throughout the rest of the supermarket. While even the larger suburban Giants have a few cheap-o pots and pans Wegmans has a selection that rivals that of Bed, Bath and Beyond. While the Soviet devotes one half of one side of an aisle to pasta and sauce, Wegman�s has two aisles, including the brand of fresh-ish gnocchi I love but can�t find reliably.

I could go on and on about the variety of brands of everything from ice cream (see left) to root beer to soup, but much more would be redundant. Wegmans is bigger than the college gymnasium down the block that my high school borrows each year for the biggest basketball game of the season.

Just like Wegmans, I don't know if this represents all that is good or bad with America.

Of special interest is the ethnic foods department. While some Adobo seasoning and a few jars of gefilte fish and biryani paste are all you�ll find outside of a genuine ethinic market in D.C., I was able to find the preferred brand of guarana cola, the right flavor of Japanese gum, the best Israeli couscous and my Croatian seasoning of choice. Wegmans� ethnic section devotes as much space to each country as the larger Safeways devote to everything foreign.

But there are drawbacks. Prices are reasonable, but the time you have to spend to get through all of it is not. Just like the monstrous SUVs that fill the parking lot, most people will not need the full Wegmans treatment more than once or twice a year for the hardest-to-find items, Otherwise, just like the Escalade, it�s a waste of gas.

German nostalgia

It�s a terrible thing to be pulled away from your native homeland at a tender age and thrust into a cruel and unfamiliar culture. I don�t actually know anyone that this has happened to, but I do know the pain of being denied chocolate, which is probably just as bad.

Luckily, there is a store near McPhearson square made to cater to both me and my fellow sufferers. Weeping for German, Hungarian, Latvian, Norwegian, Canadian, Swedish, Danish, Dutch, Swiss, or Finnish? The German Deli and its associated Mozart Caf� contains a deli, grocery store, desert counter and restaurant all in one.

Here you will find pork schnitzel, spaetzle, sauerbraten, hasenpfeffer, linzertorte, choclate cakes, and those awesome ginger cookie things dipped in chocolate you can only seem to find at German or Swiss places. There is a whole wall covered in oddly-shaped marzipan and euro-style Kinder Chocolate to soothe both pains at once. Oh, and more chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.

German Deli, 1331 H St

Oriental Supermarket: Truth in Advertising

The Supergiant Asian grocery stores of Rockville, sized to put a Superfresh to shame, are an absolute playground. But if you�re looking for something a little closer, I highly suggest Oriental Supermarket at the 891 F Rockville Pike.

A nice medium sized market that claims to offer supplies for Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Phillipino, and Thai cooking, this place has a pretty decent selection of the basics in one small place.

A wall of freezer cases have homemade dumplings, pork buns, giant frozen fish, and other Asiania (I just made that word up). For a store of its size, it has a great selection of teas, prepackaged sauces, hard to find ingredients, candy (my favorite lychee jelly things) and some of the cheapest, nicest, veggies around.

A deli counter offers premade duck and othe meat and tofu dishes. And of course, it offers bubble tea supplies. Who doesn�t dig bubble tea. For the first few sips.